


First Sight

by jo1413



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Hogwarts, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Romance, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), Wizarding World (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 89,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24218083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jo1413/pseuds/jo1413
Summary: Natalie Hill met Sirius Black just before their last year at Hogwarts. They fell for each other quickly despite the challenges that almost tore them apart. Nothing could have prepared them for the horrors they would face after they finished school, during the war against the Dark Lord and his followers. Many things have threatened to separate them, but they always find their way back to each other in the end.Follow the story of a muggleborn witch doing what she can to survive a world determined to break her down and her relationship with the Marauders that gives her the strength to fight back.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

Most people would wholeheartedly agree that school is what consumes the majority of a teenager's life. For 9 months out of the year, their only points of conversation have to do with classes; they get their daily exercise by carrying their pounds of books and their social lives consist of the niceties shared with their professors instead of with friends and boyfriends. Late night study sessions are what keep the fatigued, not parties until the wee hours of the morning. That's why summer is the one thing they look forward to.

Summer is what keeps them going, this girl specifically. She can handle school and the work that comes with it during the fall and spring, but once winter hits, she feels like a caged animal just waiting to pounce. See, one person can only sit and read a textbook for so long before hitting the verge of insanity.

This summer was the one before entering her last year of school. While she always tried her hardest to make the summer months off special and fun, she wanted these three to count most of all. Once school was over for good, summer might not feel so exciting, so this one was going to be the best out of all her sixteen, going on seventeen, years.

Now, it was the beginning of June, and she woke up, not to the sound of the annoying buzzing of an alarm, but to the rising sun over her home in Holloway, just outside London. She moved over the sheer curtains covering the window next to her bed to see a beautiful day waiting for her. She started thinking of the things she could do during the day while walking down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her mother was already tinkering around the stove when she made her first appearance of the day.

"Good morning, darling," her mother greeted her, smiling her tired smile. "Would you mind running to the market quickly to get some groceries?"

She agreed and ran upstairs again to make herself look acceptable while her mother wrote up a list. She grabbed a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt from her trunk, having still not unpacked from school, and made her way to the bathroom connected to her room. She made sure to throw her pajamas in the hamper next to the sink, not wanting to make any sort of mess.

After brushing her hair to make it look slightly decent, seeing the blonde flash through the mirror as she turned, she made her way down the stairs again. Her mother had gone to take a shower, but left a list of items she needed and the money to pay for it on the counter. The girl grabbed the pile of paper, folding them each neatly, and put them in her back pocket.

It was warmer than she expected one of the first days of June to be, which just made it all the more beautiful. Leaving her small neighborhood, she stuck to the sidewalk as the streets around her got busier with cars and people. The market was only a few blocks away, so she got there quickly.

The store wasn't full yet. It was early in the morning and lots of people weren't out of school or on holiday yet, so the aisles were filled with just her and a few other wandering souls. She pulled the list out of her pocket and began to load the items for her mother into a small basket provided by the market.

One of the last things on her list was a jar of some specific kind of sauce for her special chicken her mother made on summer nights that they had guests. The girl slowly searched the shelves for the sauce, pausing now and then to indulge her curiosities with other jarred or canned objects. Finally she found the one she was looking for. She reached up to put the sauce in her basket, expecting to see just another jar behind it, but was surprised by finding a pair of eyes instead.

She was startled, to say the least, letting a small gasp escape her lips, but never did more than blink to break the stare. The eyes were gray and bright, but held behind them something mysterious that was hard for her to place. They intrigued her, and she kept her gaze steady to try and break into that something that she couldn't quite see. Their owner never broke the contact, either, except at the very last moment when she could tell they smiled, the corners of their eyes wrinkling slightly. She saw them move to the end of the aisle, and she followed, wanting to find out who the strange person was.

He was tall, to begin with. His black, somewhat curly hair fell over his eyes just a bit. It transformed his face from what might have been sweet and gentle, to a bit dark, yet still strangely charming. His eyes, though, were what still held her attention. This stranger was attractive there was no doubting that, but their whole personality was held behind those wonderful gray eyes.

"Hi," was all he said when they finally stood in front of each other, a slight smile playing on his lips.

She smiled, too, greeting him the same way.

No that they were standing where she could see him well, she realized that she recognized something about him. Perhaps something about his face that she remembered from someone else...However, after examining him a few seconds longer, it occurred to her that she actually knew him from somewhere.

"Do I know you?" she asked him, the smile still on her face.

He looked confused, and she saw him to the same examination of her face as she had just done to him.

"I don't think so..." he responded, his voice deep and gentle.

Still not being able to place where exactly she knew this boy from, she decided to look for some clues. His clothes were simple; he was wearing a plain, dark navy shirt, and jeans, something any normal boy would wear. When her eyes reached his jeans, though, she saw something sticking out of his pocket.

"What's that?" she asked, reaching for the item.

He instinctively stepped backwards and covered his possession with his hand. "Nothing," he responded, the smile falling off of his face immediately.

She raised her eyebrow, suddenly realizing what exactly this sacred item was. While he was looking around to make sure no one was looking at them, she grabbed her new discovery from his pocket and got a good grip on it, right as he tried to pull it from her fingers. She held the long, brown object in her hands, turning it over and inspecting every part of it.

"Give that back," he insisted, trying to pry it from her hands.

She pulled her hands from his reach, and smirked at his nervousness. She held the piece at its base making sure no one was around them, and pointed at one of the cans in the aisle next to her. Muttering something under her breath, the can began to lift upwards, the power coming from the wooden stick-like thing in her right hand. As she lowered it down to the shelf again, she looked over at her new acquaintance.

He looked extremely surprised, and when their eyes met again he questioned her. "Where did you learn to do that?"

"I think there's a slight possibility that we might go to school together," she told him, smiling sarcastically.

He smiled, too, admitting to a sort of defeat and took back his want, putting it where it originally was placed. "Why haven't I seen you around before then?"

"I keep to myself, mostly," she told him, starting to move along the rest of the aisles in the market. "How about you? Are you some sort of lone wolf?"

He chuckled, but itched his nose in a nervous twitch sort of way. "Hardly. I'm Sirius, by the way."

The newly named acquaintance of hers extended his hands to shake her own in a delayed greeting. She put the container of berries that she was examining into the basket that she was holding in the crook of her arm and shook the hand that was waiting for her. "Natalie," she replied.

His hand was a mixture of rough and soft, some parts having calluses and other parts being completely smooth. Sirius' grip was firm but gentle, and somehow she knew this was natural and not practiced. They let go of each other, and she went back to shopping, picking up the last needed item from her mother's list.

"Well," she said, reaching the cash register and unloading her basket so the employee could scan her items. "I'm about done here, but it was nice meeting you."

Sirius nodded in agreement and smiled a little. "Nice meeting you as well. Maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime?"

He said this expecting an answer. She laughed and said, "Maybe."

Taking her paper bags, she paid the cashier, smiled once more at Sirius, and left the market making her way back home.


	2. Chapter 2

A week later Natalie found herself on her back porch, enjoying the summer air and sipping on a cold glass of her mother's homemade raspberry lemonade. The neighborhood she lived in wasn't pretty by any means; it was located right outside the city area, but they still got all the city noise, traffic, and annoying Muggle tourists. However, she always tried her hardest to find the beauty in things. Today, for instance, her exceptionally small backyard smelled lovely, like the freshest fresh air one could possibly find, and was as quiet as it had ever been. To her, time to relax and think was truly beautiful...at least for where she was right then and there.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a distant noise of her home's doorbell ringing. Getting out of her seat, she walked from the porch, through her kitchen and living room and to the front door, opening it without checking who it was. Of course, she already knew who was on the other side, as she was expecting the visitor. A boy about her height and only a little more muscular was pictured behind her screen door. His hair, light and sandy was brushed perfectly out of his face, and his light eyes and face showed happiness and perhaps just a bit of cockiness.

"Hello, Jason," she greeted him, inviting him inside her house.

"Hello, Natalie," he responded, sounding rehearsed. "I'm glad you're back from school, how have you been?"

He went for a kiss on her lips, but she smoothly avoided and gave him her cheek instead. Jason was her boyfriend, basically just for the summer months while she was home from school. She got bored easily when she found herself home alone, which was quite a bit, actually. Her mother worked in a local factory and had to hold down the odd shift with a few other workers, so she wasn't home from late afternoon until late at night. Having a kind-of boyfriend cured most of this loneliness, at least as much as she wanted one person that she never really got to know too well to cure.

"I've been good, thanks," she told him, not bothering to ask him the same question.

Their conversations whenever they spent time together were usually spent like this, awkward and filled with small talk and niceties. It was really like they were almost close friends, not a couple. They would make out sometimes, but had never gone any further than that. She was never all for abstinence and keeping herself until marriage, however she did know that she didn't want to give herself away to someone that she didn't completely love. She wouldn't lie to herself, she did love Jason. But, keeping with the trend of not lying to herself, she didn't love him enough to move their "relationship" to any other kind of level than the one they were at already.

Their first visit of the summer consisted of having a few cookies that Natalie had made a few days earlier, chatting about how their school year went, and a kiss goodnight as she closed the door on him just a little too quickly. Not a complete waste of a night, but she was still let with the feeling that she needed to get up and do something, anything. She made her way upstairs to her room and grabbed a hooded sweatshirt, checking her appearance in the mirror as she did so.

Her blonde hair was as straight as it could get, which consisted of having a little bit of curl to it at the ends, and pinned up by the bangs on one side to prevent them from getting greasy in the late afternoon heat. While looking at her hair, her eyes met their mirror image and she lifted her fingers to smudge some mascara off the corners of her lashes. Her eyes, blue, weren't entirely covered with makeup, but still a little, just to her preference. Satisfied, she zipped up her tight maroon colored sweatshirt over her purple shirt and pulled it down so that it slightly covered her cutoff jean shorts.

She ran down the stairs, excited for the potential adventure she might have under the cover of darkness, slipped on her flip flops and bounded out the door, locking it behind her.

Sticking her hands into her sweatshirt pockets, she walked down her driveway and turned left on sheer impulse. This would lead her deeper into her neighborhood, but who knew what interesting things she would find in there? She walked along the sidewalks at a medium pace, not too fast yet not too slow. Not bothering to stick to an easy path, she followed a lesser traveled one until she heard what sounded like a creek.

That's exactly where she found herself when the path ran its course. She found a picnic table a little more than 20 feet from the shore of the creek and made herself comfortable sitting cross-legged on the top part. The sound of the creek's current was calming, and she found herself in a sort of trance from it. She had no problem just staring at the water flowing downstream, rolling over stones or stray branches every now and then. Every few seconds she would see a fish's head bob quickly above the water's surface, trying to catch a bug to snack on. This made her smile for no particular reason, just because.

Her trance was immediately broken when she heard a branch break in the brush just a few feet away from where she was seated. Her right hand automatically found the handle of her want, and she held onto it tightly. Slowly, she lowered her feet to the ground and lifted herself off of the table, pulling her want out of her pocket and held it at her side, her hand steady as a rock.

Even though she lived in a Muggle community, one never knew what was out there. A person could never be too careful, especially late at night. She wasn't the kind of person that was extra cautious by any means. She took risks like no other; she acted first and thought later. Life is just too short to think about the consequences instead of actually living.

Now, though, it was Natalie against the something that was hidden inside the dark bushes. Yes, risk-taking was her specialty, but she also strongly believed in preserving her life to be able to take more risks later. The bushes hadn't moved since she first noticed them. She was just about to ignore her instincts and try to convince herself that it was all in her imagination when they moved again, but this time the culprit of the noise revealed themselves.

That shaggy head of hair couldn't be mistaken as anyone else's, and she immediately recognized the man that pulled himself out of the forest.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, slightly relieved that the person that was scaring her before wasn't such a threat anymore. Nonetheless, her hand didn't release any pressure from her wand.

She could tell through the darkness that he smirked at her. "I could ask you the same."

He pulled out his wand and her reflexes kicked in immediately, pointing the wand at his chest. His eyes scanned the tip of her wand up to her face, and just laughed.

"Just getting some light," he said, motioning towards his wand. "Lumos."

The tip of his wand lit up with a soft light that made their immediate surroundings brighter. He used his wand to move the tip of hers away from his chest, with that signature smirk on his lips all the while. She quickly glanced into his eyes before deciding that it was safe to return her wand to her pocket. When she looked at him, though, her eyes felt as if they were almost stuck to his. He had a look of amusement, obviously from Natalie making a slight fool out of herself, but also of something she wanted to investigate further.

He saw her glance at him and, if possible, smirked more. "Want to go do something fun?"

She was hesitant at first. She did leave looking for an adventure of sorts, but the idea of potentially having one with a person that she only met about a week earlier made her nervous. "Where would we go?"

He laughed out loud when she asked this. All she did as give him a look of pure annoyance and he stopped.

"Come on," was all he said, extending his left hand for her to take.

In a split second decision, before she had more time to second guess herself, she took it. He smiled what she could only imagine was his most genuine smile, and she felt him pull her hand as he led her back into the brush that he had come from just a few minutes before.

Looking back on this night, she was completely surprised in her behavior. First, she put her trust in a boy she had just met, something that she was never known to do. Who knows what could have happened to her? She could defend herself against the best of them, but with her guards down even a little bit, it would have made fighting back against anything that much harder. Along with that, her wand was planted firmly in her back pocket, where it would take her several seconds to get out and positioned correctly to defend herself. All in all, this might not have been the best decision to make.

But she did make it, and it didn't turn out to be the worst case scenario. Sirius led her through the dark brush and wooded areas that she had never seen before, all the while holding tight to her hand. Even though these places were completely foreign to her, she felt oddly safe with him. She couldn't explain the feeling at all, but she wasn't worried about anything right then.

After about ten minutes of walking, crouching, and pushing through branches in silence, the two of them made their way into a small clearing. Sirius let go of her hand and opened his arms as if he was giving the clearing to her as a gift. She looked around more closely and realized that she had been in this place before. It was dark, and t looked very different, but she could still tell that it was beautiful. The clearing, a fairly small one, was only about 15 meters in diameter, and was cut through the middle by a small and quiet stream, broken off from the larger creek. She had been here with her mother before. They just passed through, but she remembered it especially because of its subtleness and the calm it brought to her when she saw it.

Once Sirius realized that she wasn't as surprised as he thought she'd be, he lowered his arms with a shadowed look of disappointment on his face. It was quickly replaced, though, with his normal smirk. "So you've been here before, have you?" he asked her.

"Once," she replied. "But thank you for bringing me anyway."

He laughed at this, hearing the hint of sarcasm she included in her comment. The silence that followed was a little awkward, only because the two of them really knew nothing about each other, so they couldn't think of something to say.

Instead of trying to make small talk, she made her way down to the small steam, and lowered herself onto the soft grass. She pushed her sandals off with her feet and slipped them into the cool water, feeling the light current flow between her toes. A few seconds later she felt Sirius sit himself next to her, but didn't copy anything after that. His shoes stayed on his feet, and his legs stayed crossed in front of him. She got the feeling that he was a little uncomfortable, though his facial expression made her think twice.

"You have someone, don't you," he asked, after a few more moments of silence.

Knowing what he meant, but still confused, she looked at him for more of an explanation.

"You know," he said, scratching his head in an embarrassed way, "a boyfriend."

"How do you figure that?" she asked, seeing his embarrassment and wanting to push it just a bit further.

"Come on," he scoffed, looking at her as though he couldn't believe she was asking that question.

She kept her gaze with him, as though she didn't understand why he was so incredulous, and he eventually gave in. "Most girls don't act like you when they're around me. So I just assumed you had someone already."

She wanted to laugh out loud at his comment, but refrained. "How am I acting, exactly?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, and leaned back on his hands. "You're acting normal, I guess. Not fidgety or nervous or anything."

This is when Natalie really did start laughing. He looked at her confused this time, and waited a few seconds until her little fit had finished. "What's so funny about that?"

She looked at him without a hint of sarcasm or joking in her eyes. "I'm not acting like that because I'm actually interested in getting to know you. I want to hear what you have to say. The girls who act like that around you are only interested in your looks," she told him.

"Well can you blame them?" he smiled, joking around with her.

A small smile spread across her lips. "No," she said, honestly.

This took Sirius by surprise. He was without a witty comment for a few seconds, though they seemed like hours. When his brain finally formulated what she said, his same smirk across his whole face.

"But I do have someone," she said, not wanting to completely lead him on.

His face immediately fell. She could see the gears working in his head, perhaps trying to figure out how to save face in front of her. She could tell that he had been excited, thinking that she liked him, before she shot him down. However, he recovered quite quickly and his smirk returned.

"That doesn't mean you aren't interested in someone else, though," he said, slyly, seeing how far he could push her buttons.

She couldn't help but let the smile escape to her face. There was no way that she could hide the fact that she thought he was attractive. Yes, she had only just met him, but a person knows when they are attracted to someone. It was his hair and eyes and that damned smirk combined with his easy way of talking no matter what the subject is that drew her to him. "That's true," she eventually answered him.

This made his smirk grow even wider, if possible. He left the conversation alone for a while after this. She assumed he was basking in his own glory by the look of self-accomplishment on his face, and this made her laugh to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

That night ended and passed without anything else happening. She and Sirius ended up sitting and talking about school; favorite classes, friends, plans for after they graduated, and things of that nature. She eventually made it back home at a very late hour, tired but filled with what she thought was just a feeling of excitement from having bit of fun.

Half a week later, she had plans to go out with Jason for a few hours and then have to rest of the day to herself. When he came to her door at noon on the dot, she walked out the door with him and got into his car.

Jason came from a family with money, so, naturally, his car was very nice. It was the newest model, of course, with all the odds and ends attached, nice leather seats and everything working better than it should. With said car, he always brought her to nice restaurants; fast food was never an option. Half of her thought that this was just an excuse for him not to talk to the whole time, as the atmosphere of these places were naturally quiet and a little awkward. On this day, he brought her to one of those stuffy restaurants where she ordered the least expensive thing on the menu and promised herself she'd eat something that was a normal serving size and didn't taste like rubbish when she got home.

A few hours later, after sitting through four courses that equaled the size of a peanut butter sandwich, Jason dropped her off at her front door with a kiss on the cheek as always. Not bothering to watch him drive away, she walked into her house and made a beeline towards the kitchen. After searching her refrigerator a few times, she grabbed some leftover chicken from a few nights prior and ate it cold.

When she was done, she took the remains to the garbage and stuffed it in the bin, rolling her eyes when she realized it was too full for anything else, meaning she had to take it out. So she tied up the bag and took it out the back door of her house. After dropping it in the waste outside, she turned around and her breath immediately caught in her throat.

Sirius was standing right behind her, on the opposite side of the fencing around her yard, and he had nearly scared her half to death. Her hand rose up to her heart, feeling it racing all of a sudden and also feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks, embarrassed. He was laughing quietly to himself, obviously seeing that he had frightened her.

"Stalking me now, are you?" she asked, being able to breathe correctly again.

Chuckling a little more when she said this, he responded with, "Might be."

Natalie raised an eyebrow and made her way to the gate of her fence, opening it and joining him on the other side. He turned around and rested his weight on his elbows, leaning against the fence with a look of pure amusement on his face. It looked like he was up to no good, but that was sort of how he always looked. His shaggy hair was balanced close to one eye, and she had the sudden urge to brush it away, just so she could feel it and see his eyes more clearly. Of course, she resisted her thoughts and pushed them away to the back of her mind.

"So I saw your boyfriend," he said, looking right into her eyes.

She immediately felt as though she shouldn't look back into his, as if she were ashamed that he saw her with Jason. But why should she? Jason was her boyfriend, Sirius wasn't. And she had told him the other night that she had someone. But she also expressed interest in him. Her mind was obviously a mess.

"And?" she asked, being coy.

He smiled, knowing right away that she was playing with him. "He looks like a swell guy," he said, emphasizing ever so slightly the word 'swell'.

"And?" she asked again, the corners of her mouth turning upwards into a smile, along with her eyebrow.

He shook his head, partially from disbelief that she was playing this game, and partially from answering her last question. "Just an observation."

She nodded her head slowly, saying, "I see."

She anticipated a bit of awkward silence between the two of them, but that thought was cut short when Sirius moved closer to her along the fence, leaving only about six inches between them. She looked at him, surprised at how close he got.

"Want to come to a party tonight?" he asked.

Taken aback a bit by his offer, it took her a second to formulate thoughts on it. She had only known Sirius personally for about two weeks now, did she really want to go to a party with him? Well, it might actually be with him, as he didn't phrase his question that way.

"Where?" she asked, pushing her decision back a little until she got more information.

"Nottingham," he responded, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.

"Nottingham?" she asked, incredulously. "That's nearly three hours from here."

He looked at her as if he didn't understand why she was making a big deal out of this. She rolled her eyes when she realize she'd have to explain herself.

"I can't apparate yet, I'm not of age," she said, laughing slightly.

His signature smirk reappeared on his face. "Really? When will you be?"

"In the winter," she responded, not giving away too much information.

"Then you'll just have to come with me," he said slyly, smiling with an eyebrow raised. "I'll come get you at ten."

Natalie smiled but tried not to show it, failing in the process. She watched him walk across the street and walked to her own door. Before she entered however, she remembered that she didn't know what occasion this party was for. She called after him, "What should I wear?"

He stopped, turned around, and yet didn't answer for a few seconds, contemplating her question. "Something fun," he called back, and started walking again.

As she walked over the threshold, she felt a sense of excitement and anticipation come over her. She couldn't help herself, she ran upstairs to find something to wear and think about how she was going to make up her appearance.

After about ten minutes of rifling through her closet (she had finally unpacked her trunk) she decided on tight jeans with a dark wash and rips and frays all down the front, a somewhat loose white shirt with a complete lace back, and black sneakers. He straightened her hair and parted her bangs far on one side, and did her makeup a little darker than usual. All in all, it was what she imagined a typical party look would be.

You see, she had always kept to herself during the school year, concentrating on her school work rather than gaining a large group of friends. She had never been invited to a party, not that the other students she talked to would be the types to throw one.

Finally the clocked turned to ten and she made her way down the stairs and out the door, money, Muggle and wizard, in her back pocket, and wand in her front. Sirius was just walking down the street as she closed the door behind her, quietly as her mother was already sleeping. She met him halfway in the street. She noticed him look at her outfit subtly, but neither of them said anything.

"You ready?" he asked, holding out his hand for her to hold.

Natalie grabbed it gently and he twisted, apparating them to the party countless miles away instantly, when it would have taken someone several hours driving. The first thing she heard when they settled was pounding music, so loud that people could probably hear it from down the block. The house, very large, was on a hill, and people she had never seen before were scattered around the grass. Sirius, still holding on to her hand, started to make his way up the hill, so she had no option but to follow.

The smell of alcohol immediately filled her nostrils, and the music made it impossible to hear herself think. There were groups of people everywhere and she and Sirius eventually got split up. She felt completely out of place without him, so she found an empty place on the wall and kept quietly to herself, not that anyone could hear her over the noise anyway.

Not long after she settled herself on the wall, a strange boy came up to her. He started talking and flirting, and she became instantly annoyed. She tried to make up an excuse to him to try and leave, but he was persistent, and kept finding a way to ignore her comments. This one sided conversation continued on for about ten minutes. She was starting to think that this would be her whole night when she locked eyes with someone from across the room. She had been looking for something to give her an idea of how to escape this boy's words when she saw Sirius watching her situation from about 6 meters away.

She couldn't escape his gaze; his eyes were mesmerizing even from far away. And from where she was standing, now ignoring the strange boy, she could tell Sirius was slightly annoyed that she was talking to someone else, or rather, someone else was talking to her. When she realized this she couldn't help but smile, because he was jealous of the new guy. He saw her smile, and his face brightened just a little. His smirk reappeared on his face and he motioned to a side door that she assumed led outside, asking her to meet him out there. She nodded, and turned back to the boy who was still talking to himself, tried to make an excuse to leave, but when she realized it wouldn't work she simply walked away.

The door did lead her outside to the side of the house that was surprisingly empty. She looked around in the dark and finally found Sirius leaning against the house, two shot glasses in his hand. When she got closer he handed her one. "Firewhisky," he said. "The guy who threw this party is a friend of mine from school, he brought some."

She took the shot, put the glass to her lips and tilted her head back as she had seen Muggles do in the movies, feeling the scorching hot liquid fall down her throat. It was foreign and unpleasant and she started to cough as politely as possible, trying to make it sound like she was clearing her throat. Sirius had done the same minus the coughing, but looked at her afterwards with a little confusion. "I didn't know you drank," he said, taking the glass form her and setting them both on the ground, moving a little further from the house and away from the people.

"I don't," she managed to say between her coughs, now subsiding slightly.

He looked at her and sniggered. They stopped walking when they reached a completely deserted corner of the castle-like house. She leaned up against the corner, feeling her body find a comfortable place to rest. Sirius leaned against the wall next to her, close but not too close.

"So who was that kid?" he asked, trying not to sound too curious, but more passive.

She laughed a little. "Dunno, I've never seen him before. But he sure tried hard to gain my interest."

Sirius laughed as well. "I can't blame him. Especially with what you're wearing."

Her eyebrows shot up and she said, "You were the one that told me to wear something fun. Did I not?"

"No, you did," he said, smirking once again.

Silence fell over them, as it seemed to always do. She was concentrated on looking over the fencing around the house into the neighbor's yard when she felt Sirius moving closer to her. When she looked up, he was closer than he'd ever gotten to her in their few weeks of knowing each other. Their arms were almost touching. She looked at him with surprise and confusion, not knowing what he had stirring around in his mind. Sirius was around 4 inches taller than she was, so she had to look up whenever she looked in his eyes.

Their surroundings suddenly got quiet and warm, as they were both concentrating on each other. He figured that she wouldn't object, and started to lean in for what she knew was bound to turn into a kiss. She knew what she wanted, but needed to remind him of her situation at home.

"I have someone, remember?" she asked, stopping him when he was about three inches away.

He smirked, and moved one of his hands to the space of wall beside her head. The hair raised on the back of her neck from him being so close. "And?" he asked, mocking her from earlier.

She was surprised so much by this that she gave him the perfect opportunity to swoop in. His lips were warm and soft on hers, and she couldn't help herself. Natalie gave into him and kissed back. She felt herself getting gooseflesh and a tingle traveled down her spine. Her body melted into the brick behind her when one of his hands cradled the back of her neck while the other found her hip. She was so focused on him and the kiss that her hands could only make it to his chest. After a moment or so, but what seemed like hours but seconds at the same time, he let her go, lingering just centimeters from her lips for a few seconds before completely pulling back.

"It's getting late, we should get back home," he said to her, smirking when he saw that she was still in a trance from his kiss.

She simply nodded, taking his hand once again while he apparated them back home. She could feel that her cheeks were flushed, and her whole body was warm, and that she was suddenly much more aware of herself when they settled back on her driveway.

"I'll see you soon," he said, giving her another quick kiss on her lips before he walked away into the dark street away from her house.

He left her standing on the edge of her driveway, not having talked for several minutes. She thought that she was still trying to fully comprehend what had happened when she crawled into her bed that night, falling asleep to thoughts of him.


	4. Chapter 4

Natalie woke up the next day to something tapping at her window. It startled her so much that she jumped right out of bed, her heart racing and searching for the culprit of the strange noise. Outside of her window was an owl, trying to get into her room. Without thinking, she opened the window and let it in, not remembering that she was at home and not at school.

The owl flew in, rustling its feathers while perching itself on the edge of her dresser. She had never seen it before; it was a very light brown with specks of dark within its feathers. Its eyes were kind, yet demanding, so she knew right away to take the letter that it was holding in its beak. She was wondering who could have sent her a letter in the middle of summer when she opened it and read:

Care to spend the day with me?

Sirius

She couldn't help but smile. The past few times that had seen each other it had just been chance encounters, but this time he initiated the meeting. She immediately felt guilty, though, as her thoughts drifted to Jason. He was her boyfriend, after all. Her thoughts were interrupted as, who she could only assume was Sirius' owl, nipped her finger nearest to it, telling her to hurry up with an answer.

"Sorry," she muttered, feeling embarrassed under the now scrutinizing eyes of the owl. She scribbled out a response, saying, you wouldn't be asking me out on a date, now would you? She hoped Sirius would understand what she was implying, that he shouldn't because of Jason.

Giving the new letter to the owl, it snapped it out of her hand, stretched its wings and flew out the window, now a little angry that she had taken so long. She decided to jump in the shower, not knowing how long she'd have to get ready for her potential plans, and wanting to be done and ready before Sirius decided that he wanted to leave.

As she left her bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body, she noticed the owl was waiting for her on the same edge of her dresser as before. It now looked extremely agitated, for it had probably been waiting a few minutes for her to notice it. Muttering an apology again, she took the note from it. This time, however, it took flight out her window before she had even started reading, meaning that it must not require a response from her. The letter this time read:

Of course not. Just a day of fun and excitement. Meet me at my house at 1 o'clock...12 Grimmauld Place.

At the time it was a bit past noon. She had just enough time to get dressed and walk to his house. She dressed herself in a pair of light wash cut off shorts and a fitted t-shirt colored a light blue that bought out the bits of lighter blonde in her hair. Once she was finished with that, and perfecting her appearance in her bathroom mirror, it was thirty minutes past noon which meant that she had to be on her way. Slipping both Muggle and wizard money in her pocket as she descended the stairs into her kitchen, she slipped on her shoes and left her house.

She vaguely knew where Grimmauld Place was; she remembered her mother and herself passing it a few times as they made their way into the city on the rare occasions that they did. Her journey there began by leaving the street that her house was located on and following the main street that led from her small neighborhood all the way to London. She wasn't going that far, thankfully.

After roughly forty minutes or so, she finally reached Grimmauld Place. It was quaint, little houses planted right against each other, encircled with black steel fencing. Some houses featured window baskets with colorful flowers, while others sported shrubs around the doorways. Taking out Sirius' last note, she made sure that she still remembered his address correctly and made her way to the steps of number 12.

Before Natalie could even place a foot on the first step to ascend to the doorway, the door opened and Sirius emerged. He was wearing jeans and a regular looking shirt, nothing extravagant. On any ordinary person it wouldn't have been cause for attention. However, on Sirius it was eye-catching. His muscles were just visible peeking out from underneath the sleeves of his shirt, which made her want to see more. She shook her head slightly, making sure it wasn't noticed by the man she was quietly adoring.

"You're late," he said, joking, making his way down the steps towards her.

She rolled her eyes, saying, "You should be satisfied that I agreed to spend the day with you."

He stopped when he reached the final step, again close, but not too close to her. "You should be satisfied that I invited you," he said, flashing his smirk at her before making his way down the sidewalk.

"Where are we going, anyway?" she asked, conveniently ignoring his comment.

He led her down a hidden trail on the side of his neighbor's house. She followed, still listening for an answer, when they reached the shady backyards of the houses that inhabited Grimmauld Place. He held out his hand once he stopped, expecting her to take it with no questions asked. However, she didn't give him her hand. Instead, she folded her arms together and stared him down, not leaving until she received her answer.

He sighed, exasperated. "I need to go to Diagon Alley. I have a few friends I'm meeting and need to get some things."

Still not satisfied, she asked, "If you already had plans to meet friends, why did you invite me to go along?"

"I figured you'd enjoy a bit of fun," he responded, simply.

Again, he extended his hand towards her, and this time she obliged. Taking out his wand, he twisted quickly, just like the night before, and they were gone in the blink of an eye. When they reappeared, not a split second later, she found herself in the middle of an excitedly busy scuffle of people running every which way. She was surprised that Diagon Alley was so busy at the beginning of July, since school wasn't scheduled to start for almost another two months.

Sirius led her along the main road of the town, dodging hurried witches and wizards, and being careful to step over stray pets. This went on for a good five minutes until they finally ended up at the ice cream parlor. Once they were safely inside, they calmed down. There were no more screaming children or flustered adults, but instead a few people scattered around. The air was cool and calm, and she could feel herself relaxing a little more each second that they were inside. Sirius found a good sized table and sat down, Natalie next to him. Up until this moment he had never let go of her hand.

"They should be here any minute," he said, looking around the shop.

She knew that he meant his friends, however she did actually know who they were. She had heard rumors around school of Sirius and his mates, but she never really paid much attention to them. She was in Ravenclaw and he was in Gryffindor, so she wasn't too concerned with their actions, as they had never affected her.

As her thoughts were dying down, the door to the shop opened for the first time since she and Sirius had entered. He turned his head to see who it was and a grin immediately spread across his face. Sirius lifted his hand and waved it around, signaling to his friends where they were seated. When she heard them arrive at the table, she finally looked up.

Three boys were circled around the table. Separately, they were each normal looking, but, including Sirius, the four of them were a rather odd looking group. The first boy was tall and had a lighter brown hair than Sirius. He looked pale and almost sickly, with a few scars scattered around his face, arms and hands. He gave off an aura of mystery, but also kindness. Despite his initial, and almost frightening, appearance, she was already comfortable being around him.

The second boy was stout, and fidgety. He had short hair, an odd color that she couldn't very well describe. All of his features were a bit pudgy; his fingers were stubby, his legs and arms short, a belly that protruded ever so slightly, and a face full of a nose that was just a bit too short, a mouth that was just a bit too wide, and eyes that were just a bit too cold. She could feel her brows furrow while examining this boy, as they all talked to Sirius, waiting to be introduced to her. There was just something about him that wasn't as normal as the other three in his group, perhaps because his sheer appearance didn't fit in with the others. However, it wasn't her place to judge him, so she pushed the thought out of her mind.

The last boy, the one that was the closest to her, shared a lot of the same physical features as Sirius. He was tall, muscular, and had almost the same color hair. His, however, was messy and short. He wore glasses, but she could see bright blue eyes hiding behind them. He wore the same smirking expression as Sirius always had, and by the way the two were talking to each other, she could tell that they were closer with each other than they were with the other two boys.

As their conversation ended, Sirius looked at her and said, "Do you know any of these blokes?"

"No," she said, shaking her head, almost embarrassed.

He looked at the three newcomers and asked them the same question, with all three responses being the same as hers. "Well," he said, feigning annoyance, "James, Remus, Peter, this is Natalie. Natalie, this is James, Remus, and Peter."

With each name, he pointed a finger at the matching person. They all exchanged awkward waves and mumbled 'hello's. Even though she could tell the three boys were a bit uncomfortable with her presence, they each took a seat around them and started talking to Sirius again. She sat and listened politely, a little uncomfortable herself, not really understanding why she was there with them.

Natalie started daydreaming, no longer paying attention to the boys and their conversation. She zoned out, staring off into space, thinking of anything random that happened to come to her mind. As she finally settle on one thing to think about, instead of several, she felt a hand on her knee. She was startled, but didn't say anything. She looked at Sirius, knowing he was the culprit. He wasn't looking at her, pretended to be completely immersed in his conversation with his friends, but she could see a smirk playing on his lips ever so slightly. She fought the urge to smile herself, thinking that he would just remove his hand in a moment. However, he decided to do the opposite, and she felt his hand starting to move up towards her thigh.

"Excuse me," she said, louder than she had anticipated and looking straight at him.

The conversation around her suddenly stopped, and she realized that no one else knew what was happening under the table. She was incredibly embarrassed at that moment, feeling herself blush but trying to hide it. Attempting to save face, she pretended to continue her sentence, saying, "I need to, uh...the loo..."

She almost hopped out of the chair she was sitting in because she got up so quickly, feeling the need to remove herself from the current situation she had put herself in. He heard the boys chuckle a bit, but decided not to stay and eavesdrop, instead settling herself on a private wall down a ways from the bathrooms.

Sirius, however, stayed seated at the table with his friends. They immediately forgot about Natalie and continued talking amongst themselves. Sirius wasn't directly involved with what they were talking about, so he decided to sneak off without saying anything, following the path that Natalie quickly scurried down not a few minutes before. He found her right away, leaning against a wall, slightly laughing to herself.

When she saw Sirius, she stopped giggling at her now obsolete embarrassing moment and gave him her full attention, though she made certain that he saw that she wasn't exactly happy with him. He stood next to her, mimicking her pose on the wall and just looked at her. She tried to stay angry with him, but once again couldn't help but stare back into his eyes, that little something always hooking her and dragging her in.

"Why'd you leave?" he asked, feigning innocence.

She looked at him as if he was stupid for asking, even if he was pretending. "Why'd you do that?" she asked him.

"Do what?" he asked, pretending again to be free of blame.

Natalie rolled her eyes at him, not bothering to respond. She turned her head to hide the little smile that she couldn't stop from escaping to her lips. When she turned back towards Sirius he was smirking, and she knew that he saw her smile. All of a sudden, she felt his lips on hers. He had leaned in and kissed her so quickly that she barely had time to think, but when she began thinking straight again, she pulled away just as quickly.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her eyes wide.

He looked confused for just a second, before he hid it behind his smirk yet again. "You don't want me to?" he asked.

She knew that she did want him to, that she didn't want him to stop, actually. It was all that she had thought about, even whilst with him, since the night before. She never wanted to stop feeling him so close, his lips on hers, his body heat keeping her warm. But she felt little pangs of guilt now and then, thinking also of Jason, and how she shouldn't be seeing another man.

"I have someone," she told him, repeating once again the phrase he used to ask about Jason a few weeks ago.

True to his nature, he smirked, his eyes glinting with mischief. Even though she had moved away from him, he moved closer to her again. She felt his hand reach her waist, though she was transfixed by his gaze. His hand was warm, and Sirius rubbed his thumb along the hemline of her shorts, very softly touching her skin as well. This small, seemingly insignificant, action gave her chills all the way up her spine, making all the hairs on her neck and arms stand on end.

He moved his face closer to hers, almost leaning in for a kiss, but far enough away to still look into her sweet blue eyes. "I can keep a secret," he said hoping that Natalie understood what he was implying.

Natalie's breath caught in her throat. That one phrase brought about so many things: feelings, emotional and physical, and decisions. It made her like him that much more, just seeing that he seemed to like her even a little bit. Even though she had tried no to chase him, since it was expected that he was chased by girls all through the school year, Natalie couldn't help but become incredibly interested, and very quickly at that. His physical appearance was what dragged her in first, but getting to know him, slowly, yes, but surely, is what made her want to be around him more. Plus, what he said was obviously sexy. It made her heart beat a little bit faster, and she could tell that her cheeks were flushed just a bit.

She didn't say a word in response to his comment, but he smirked anyway, knowing that if he tried to kiss her again she wouldn't pull away. He had caught her and had pulled her in. His charm was irresistible to her, and he liked that he could tell just how interested in hi she was. After a few more seconds of anticipation, Sirius leaned in the rest of the way and kissed her, closing his eyes and releasing a long breath from his lungs.

She was a great kisser; he could feel himself relaxing more and more with every second he spent attached to her lips, which was a different experience for him. He usually never let his guard down so much, though it wasn't fully gone even now. He felt her start to kiss him back, this being the first time she'd really ever done that out of the very few times they'd shared a moment like this. She knew that what she was doing with Sirius behind her boyfriend's back was wrong, and that many people would judge her and see her differently if they ever found out, but at that moment, with Sirius touching her in all the right places, feeling his lips searching for more of hers, she couldn't find an ounce of caring within herself. All she wanted was him, and she never wanted to forget the feeling he gave her, the immediate warmth that passed through her body when he kissed her, his hands gentle but firm bringing her closer to his own body. Her boyfriend was the furthest thing from her mind, the closest being Sirius.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mate, are we going to go do our stuff or did you just come here to snog your new girl?"

Sirius' friend James interrupted them, making Natalie jump nearly out of her skin and turn her head quickly, as to hide her reddened and embarrassed face from her new acquaintance. Sirius snorted as he tried to hide his laughter, but responded to James, agreeing to go with him. Natalie was going to stay put in the quiet ice cream parlor, but Sirius didn't give her that chance, his hand automatically finder hers and pulling her with him.

Even the way he held her hand was different from Jason. Her boyfriend would often hold her hand awkwardly, without interlacing their fingers, his own hand feeling stiff on the palm of hers. It made Natalie uncomfortable and although she didn't much like it, she did it because she knew it was what couples did, and that Jason might like it more than she. Sirius, however, had a much different approach to it. Despite the fact that the two of them were being pulled in the direction of the flow of traffic on the main street of Diagon Alley, he held her hand softly, almost as if he thought he might break it if he wasn't careful. Natalie loved it, and she knowingly tightened her hand around his, making sure that their connection wasn't broken through the throng of people.

Though she didn't know it, Sirius like it, too. His reputation usually preceded him, but not in Natalie's case. He could tell that she kept to herself, keeping her nose where it belonged rather than in other people's business. He liked that about her. It wasn't unusual that when he met a girl, they either didn't give him a chance or the exact opposite, turning into little groupies around him. The fact that Natalie completely treated him like any other person from the first time they met was refreshing, and his attitude was changing because of it.

When the five of them finally reached their first destination of the day, Natalie was already tired of trying to navigate through the giant crowds of witches and wizards. She found herself at the doorstep to the Quidditch store, with the boys gawking at the newest model of broom displayed in the window. Not wanting to stand awkwardly waiting for them to get finished, she snuck back into the crowd right when Sirius released her hand to walk into the shop. Unnoticed by the boys, she went further up the pathway, stopping at a bookstore that was a bit less crowded.

The moment she entered the doorway her senses were thrown into action. She smelled books, old pages and new pages, a scent that she had always loved. Her ears were given a reprieve since the store was quiet and calm once the door to the outside world had closed. Content, she started to move among the books that lined the walls and shelves.

Even though she hadn't yet gotten her list of supplies needed for the coming school year, she knew exactly which courses she was to take, having had many discussions with her Head of House over the last year. Her final year of school was possibly the most important; NEWT testing at the end of the year would ensure that she got into the career path that she wanted to pursue, so, naturally, Natalie had everything about it planned down to the littlest things.

She started picking up books that she knew she'd be needing, happy that she would be getting her shopping done sooner rather than later. Her arms held books on Astronomy, Charms, and Transfiguration, some of the subjects she would be spending the most time and effort on. Her muscles started to strain under the weight of the pile of books growing steadily in her arms. When she finally found the last book that she anticipated needing, she went up to the counter and paid the clerk, who looked very happy at the amount of books she was taking, and even happier at the amount of money he was able to take.

Just before she had turned around with her bags of books lining her arms, someone grabbed her gently around the waist, pulling her in the opposite direction. She immediately went for her want, her reflexes going into effect before her mind could evaluate the situation. One of the hands around her waist grabbed her wand hand, though, stopping her right before she got a good grasp on her want. Natalie quickly turned her head to see that the person behind her was in fact no threat at all.

Sirius was holding her, sporting a devilish grin across his face, gaining some sort of satisfaction from catching Natalie by surprise. "When did you sneak away?" he asked, not releasing her from his hands which were now placed on her lower back, slightly pulling her into him.

"I'm surprised you noticed," she joked, "you were awfully caught up with your friends."

He raised his eyebrows at her comment. "Jealous?"

She showed a smirk of her own when he said this, knowing that he was probably secretly hoping that she was. Sirius liked this playful side of Natalie. He just liked Natalie in general. Her personality drew him in; she was cute, intelligent, and not in the least bit boring from what he'd noticed about her thus far. Plus, she was stunning. She had bright blonde hair that drew out every beautiful feature it could find; she had slightly rosy cheekbones that made it look as though she was always smiling, lips that made him want to always kiss her, and eyes that he couldn't stop staring at whenever they talked.

"If only it was that easy," she replied, keeping one eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face.

He genuinely smiled, rolling his eyes but enjoying her presence nonetheless. "What were you doing in here, anyway?"

With a bit of effort, she raised the several bags that were swinging from her hands, holding books with pages upon pages of valuable information on each one. "Getting school shopping done early."

"Bit of a bookworm, are you?" he asked, poking through the bags and giving the books a look of disgust.

"More like someone who wants to graduate with descent marks," she said, turning towards the door.

They left the store, Sirius by her side. "What do you have left to do?" she asked him, making sure he stayed within her sights through the waves of people.

"Just have to run into another store quickly," he replied, assuring her that they wouldn't be there for much longer.

As they made their way back to Sirius' friends, they landed on the doorstop of a sort of junk shop. Natalie, once again, decided she didn't want to go inside, but instead of completely deserting them she just made her way next door to the Daily Prophet offices. In their front window was a display of that week's headlines, complete with moving pictures and different sized texts. The biggest, though, was of something terrible, that no one could possibly tear their eyes away from. Attacks on Muggles had been occurring all throughout Great Britain. Rogue and dark wizards from their part of the world had started terrorizing the people from the Muggle world, and both parties were taking notice. While the Ministry was trying to take action, the wizards were only followers to something far stronger than the Ministry's employees and Aurors, and evil to top it all off.

Natalie pried her eyes from the paper, not wanting to dwell on these thoughts any longer. Things such as these had started happening over the last few years, slowly and in moderation. Now, however, they were becoming more frequent, and it scared her. She just didn't understand it all; why were these witches and wizards following this terrible man? What did they have against Muggles, Muggle-borns, and basically anyone besides those of a pure blood line? Natalie came from two Muggle parents, so if these attacks kept up, what could she expect in her future?  
Once again, Sirius startled her out of her deep thoughts.

"Are you alright?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

The thoughts and fright that Natalie was harboring within herself could be clearly seen on her face. She quickly covered up, making the excuse that the attacks were horrible, and in no way related to her personally.

"It'll never grow into anything bigger than just a few Muggle attacks," Sirius said, saying what he thought she'd want to hear just to wipe the worried look off of her face.

In reality, though Sirius was a pure blood and had nothing to worry about, he was also scared because of the recent attacks. He secretly knew that the dark wizard behind all of that was going to get much stronger before he could even think of being stopped. He knew his parents supported his movements, despite the fact that they didn't openly say it. Luckily, he hadn't stayed with them for a while, having moved in with his best friend James and his family for the rest of the summer, and perhaps longer than that.

Eventually, the group made their way back to where they started, at the ice cream parlor. The five of them exchanged goodbyes, Natalie's being awkward with the three other boys still, but Sirius' being warm and kind. After his friends apparated, he grabbed her hand and twisted the two of them out of Diagon Alley and back to their respective homes. Before she had time to think of anything to say, he gave her a quick kiss and was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

Natalie was being pushed every which way, her hair flying about around her, partially from being pushed and partially from the windy weather. She was having a hard time pushing her way through the crowds of people, with her trunk trying hard to stay attached to her right hand, yet trailing along behind her at a slow speed. She tugged it, making sure it stayed right behind her. It was heavy, but nothing she couldn't handle on her own. The great many people, however, were making it hard for her to try and navigate.

August had come and passed without anything of great interest. Natalie spent many of her days with Jason, and many more of her nights with Sirius, desperately trying to juggle the two romantic relationships in her life. Since Sirius already knew about Jason, not having to keep that information from reaching him was one less thing she had to worry about. The other side of things, though, was where the trouble was. Jason had no idea she was seeing Sirius along with him, and she didn't exactly want him to find out. Though, Sirius, being the prankster that he was, certainly gave her a run for her money. He would send her owls whenever he knew that she and Jason were together, trying to cause trouble between the two of them for his own amusement. This always resulted in a swift slap to the hand the next time Natalie saw him and a furious outburst of laughter from him.

Now, she was trying to find her way to Platform 9 ¾. She had already gone through the slightly sad process of packing her things and saying goodbye to her mother, and was now excited to get onto the Hogwarts Express and start her final year of school. She hoped that great things would happen during her last year; perhaps she would learn a plethora of new spells and charms, pass her NEWTs with flying colors, and have great stories to tell from all the fun adventures whilst roaming the halls of Hogwarts. She could just feel the excitement permeating her mind when she finally reached the barrier between the Muggle and wizarding worlds.

Taking off on a bit of a run, she made sure her path was clear and no Muggles were staring directly at her when she made her way through the seemingly solid barrier, and settled on the other side. The giant steam engine was making many exhilarating noises, clouds of steam billowing from the front of the train. She smiled, knowing that she was that much closer to being within the walls of her beloved school again. Despite the massive work load she took upon herself during the year, she loved being at Hogwarts. It was a truly magical place, and she made sure to never take her luck at being there for granted.

Boarding the train, she had an easy time finding a compartment that was empty for the time being, as everyone was saying goodbye to their families outside. She somehow moved her trunk to the shelving above her chosen seat near the door, regardless of the fact that it was almost twice her weight. Inside her trunk, she had all of her robes for school and Muggle clothes, her new textbooks for the year, rolls upon rolls of parchment, numerous quills and bottles of ink to match, and other things that she knew she would want or need throughout her next several months away from home. They were all packed neatly, each having a specific place so she knew exactly where to put it when she got to her dorm to unpack.

One by one, random students of all ages started filling the compartments around her. Natalie was by no means rude, so she kept the door next to her wide open, inviting anyone who wished to come in a place to sit for the next few hours. However, she was still a bit shy when it came to talking to brand new people, so she buried her face in her Charms book, looking up whenever someone new entered, and shooting them a quick smile.

Soon enough, the train started moving. She smiled to herself, happy that they were finally on their way. The other students in the compartment with her were presumably friends, as they were all chatting amongst themselves. Three girls and two boys; their specific houses were indefinable because of their Muggle garments, however they looked to be in about their third or fourth year. They paid no attention to Natalie, and she was fine with that, as she had just discovered a spell in her book that she was now itching to try.

Because she was so deeply immersed in her book, she hardly noticed the compartment door open next to her a while later, not bothering to look up at the new visitor. She assumed it was for the younger students sitting with her, as they seemed to be far more popular than she was at that age, and even was at her current age.

"There you are," these words were said by a very familiar voice. "I thought I'd never find you."

The talking that Natalie had been toning out suddenly made her take notice, as it had abruptly stopped when the compartment door had opened. She looked up and saw Sirius dressed in dark brown pants and a nicely knitted sweater, looking down at her, his eyes bright and smiling.

She smiled at the sight of him, for simply his presence brought her happiness now. "I was never lost," Natalie said, folding down the loose corner of the page she had been reading sot that she might be able to find it at a later date.

"You right well could have been, I've been looking long enough," he said, now leaning against the door frame.

The five people in the compartment with them still hadn't continued their conversation. She looked over at them and saw, to her surprise, that the boys were glaring at Sirius, and the girls looked as if they hadn't ever seen something so amazing. Her eyes widened as she had never seen such a sight before. The girls were almost gawking at Sirius, and he was completely oblivious.

"Why was it so important that you find me?" she asked, now awkwardly trying to ignore the stares from the five perfect strangers.

Sirius seemed to have no idea what was going on around him. "I was going to see if you wanted to come sit in my compartment," he said. "I'm actually a bit surprised you didn't' go there first."

"Well I wasn't invited, was I?" she retorted.

He smiled and rolled his eyes, and added a small chuckle. "Consider this your invitation, then. I'll grab your trunk."

And with that, he pulled her off of her feet and tugged her trunk from over her head, lifting it with such ease that one would assume it only weighed as much as a sickle. Natalie stole one more glance at the others in her compartment, and saw that the boys looked relieved but that the girls looked incredibly disappointed. She sincerely hoped that those reactions to Sirius' presence wasn't common to the rest of the school's population.

Natalie mostly stuck to herself during school. She didn't have any best friends to share gossip and stories with; while she had a few acquaintances, she didn't feel the need to get close with anyone. She spent her time in the library, under the shade of one of the trees by the Black Lake, or in her dorm or common room, always with her nose in a book or her quill on some parchment. Because of this, her marks on exams were always high, and she never turned in an assignment late or with less than perfect work. This is most likely why she got sorted into Ravenclaw, for she was smarter than most and took her schoolwork very seriously.

Once the two of them got out into the corridor and shut the compartment door behind them, Natalie asked him if he had noticed the stares he was getting from the younger students.

"I get it all the time," he said, being cocky but also completely honest.

She rolled her eyes but decided against saying anything else on the subject. However, he saw this action and said, "Don't worry, love, they're nothing compared to you."

While she knew very well that he was joking with her, she didn't like that he called her 'love' for some reason. It didn't make her uncomfortable, or give her fluttery feelings in her stomach; it made her a bit angry. She couldn't place why, though, which made her all the more annoyed.

"Don't call me that," she said, trying not to sound as cold as she might have felt.

Sirius looked at her, and she could tell that he was surprised by the tone in her voice. But once again, true to his nature, he just smirked, not letting anything get to him.

"Why not? Does your boyfriend call you that?" he asked, a twinkle of trouble in his eye now.

"He might," she replied, looking not at him but straightforward in the corridor.

Truthfully, Jason didn't really call Natalie anything but her name. No nicknames or terms of endearment were present in their relationship; it was all very formal and planned, nothing ever out of the ordinary.

Sirius grinned an evil grin when she said that, knowing that she was completely lying. He didn't hesitate to point this out. "So if your boyfriend doesn't call you that, why can't I?"

Natalie furrowed her brow, frustrated that he wouldn't let this topic go. "Frankly, Jason may call me whatever he likes. You, however, are not my boyfriend, therefore you don't have the proper authority to call me such names."

He laughed loudly at this, sounding like a bark that echoed down the empty corridor. "I think I might do it anyway," he said, challenging her.

"I should hope you wouldn't," Natalie said, stopping in the middle of the hallway and looking at him like he was mad.

All Sirius did was smirk at her. "See, I don't necessarily like your boyfriend. So just out of sheer spite, I believe I'll continue calling you that."

"You've never met him, how on earth would you know if you like him or not?" Natalie asked, already knowing what his answer might be.

He raised an eyebrow. "He has you all to himself, doesn't he? I think that's a perfect reason not to like the bloke."

"You have me all to yourself right now," she said, motioning to the empty corridor. "I don't see anyone else here with us."

"He gets you whenever he wants. I only get you in secrecy," Sirius said, moving closer to her.

"That was your choice," Natalie said, her voice getting lower, just in case anyone was listening.

Not that anyone knew Jason, she still wanted to make sure that he couldn't find out about Sirius. Natalie wasn't necessarily afraid of breaking his heart, or hurting him in any way; she knew that he'd be fine if she broke up with him right now. He'd move on to someone a little better suited for him, and they'd both live just as happily without one another than if they stayed together. But she also liked having someone back home to mask the sting of loneliness she felt every now and then. Perhaps it had something to do with comfort; they'd had almost the same ritual for a few summers now, and it was a bit comforting to her.

No, what she was most afraid of was the confrontation. Jason was an overly polite boy, yes, but Natalie also knew that he had a hidden temper within him that was sure to rear its ugly head at the revealing of Sirius. The male species was a completely unpredictable one; many boys seemed fine and innocent, but in secret had terribly mean sides to them. She didn't very much like the idea of the fight that was bound to happen between her and Jason because of her actions. He frightened her when he got severely angry, as he did every once in a while.

"I never said it wasn't," he responded, "or that I regret it. I rather enjoy what we have, actually."

She narrowed her eyes at him, not too sure what he was getting at. All he did was chuckle and smirk, almost as if he was hiding something. "Don't worry, love."

Natalie rolled her eyes as he put heavy emphasis on the word 'love'. She supposed there was nothing that she could do about it now. She had quickly learned that when Sirius was challenged, he stuck with it for an incredible amount of time, far past when one would expect him to forget about it. If she said anything more on the matter, he would just take it as more of a challenge, and she didn't want that.

They finally reached Sirius' compartment and made their way inside. His friends Remus and Peter were seated and talking to each other, but there was no sign of James. Thinking nothing of it, she quickly put her Charms book back into her trunk and allowed Sirius to lift it above her head again and onto their shelving this time.

Sirius sat down across from Remus and Peter, Natalie settling herself down beside him. He immediately snaked his arm around her waist, knowing that his friends already knew about her, and feeling certain that they wouldn't tell a soul if he asked them not to. It didn't feel awkward sitting with his friends and Natalie. She didn't fidget when he held her close, which was a relief from many of the other girls he had once dated. He talked to her easily, and worked her into conversations with his friends, wanting her to be comfortable around them.

As their conversations drifted from one thing to another, time slowly ebbed away, the train moving them ever closer to the castle. Eventually, James found his way into their compartment, his face downcast and melancholy.

Natalie looked to Sirius for some indication as to why James looked so sad, yet all he did was subtly roll his eyes. "Mate, what happened?" he asked, despite his apparent exasperation.

James waved his hand absentmindedly, dismissing Sirius' question automatically. "Evans," he muttered, deep in thought already.

"Lily Evans?" Natalie asked, emphasizing the word Lily.

All four boys furrowed their brows at her question, becoming slightly suspicious, James the most. "Yeah..." he responded, leaving his answer open ended, encouraging Natalie to explain herself.

"Just wondering," she mumbled, mostly to herself.

Sirius wouldn't have such a vague answer from her, though. He was far too curious. He and Lily Evans weren't great friends by any means, but James was madly in love with her and he therefore was very interested. "Why?" he asked Natalie.

She sighed, not having expected to have to divulge such information to people she barely knew. "She's just not my favorite person is all."

"Why?" Sirius asked again.

She sighed once more, annoyed. "We've had many classes together," she explained, "and she's very competitive, as am I."

The corners of Sirius' mouth twitched as he tried to hide a smirk, but dropped the topic as he saw it was frustrating her. Remus went back to talking to Peter, yet his face was fixed in a silly smile as well. James appeared as if he hadn't paid much attention to the conversation. Thankfully, Sirius changed the subject to something more lighthearted, which carried on until the train reached the Hogsmead station.


	7. Chapter 7

Attempting to walk out of the Great Hall after the welcoming feast was always an event. During the regular school days everyone would eat their meals at different times depending on their class schedules, so the hall was never as full as it was on the first and last days of school.

Because of this, Natalie was having a difficult time getting to the Ravenclaw common room. Miraculously, she somehow got out of the hall without bumping into too many people, but her luck ended once she reached the main stairs. Right when she turned, she ran into a dark haired boy who was knocked to the ground as a result. She immediately offered him her hand to help him up, but he denied it.

"I don't need your help," he started to say, but when he looked up at her he stopped.

Natalie furrowed her brows, confused at his tiny outburst. He pushed himself off the ground and she got a good look at him for the first time. He had the dark hair she saw at first, but now she saw that it was expertly styled, not a stray hair in sight. His robes signified that he was in Slytherin house, which explained why he was so hostile to her at first.

He brushed off his robes as if he had been a part of a large scuffle and looked her in the eye, saying one more thing before he stalked off. "Say hello to my brother, would you?"

As the strange boy walked away Natalie stared after him, suddenly not able to move. Say hello to his brother? She started to slowly walk up the grand staircase, trying to put this new equation together. She had never met the boy before, so at first she was quite certain that he had mistaken her with someone else. But eventually, as she ascended ore and more steps, she slowly started to recognize certain parts of physicality. The hair reminded her of someone she must have known, and his eyes...

Right as she was starting to come to a complete realization, someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her into an empty hallway. Natalie heard herself gasp and pulled herself from the person's grip, turning and staring into the same gray eyes as she had seen from the mystery boy not a few minutes before.

"Are you alright?"

It took Natalie a moment to realize that Sirius was standing before her. Say hello to my brother for me, would you?

"Do you have a brother?" she asked him abruptly.

The look of confusion that masked his face was immediate. He didn't answer right away, instead taking a moment to look at her as if she was up to no good. She stared back at him, awaiting his answer.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" he retorted.

"Well, if I'm not mistaken I've just met him," Natalie responded. Sirius' eyebrows shot up in surprise. "And he asked me to tell you hello."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course he would say something like that, the sarcastic little brat."

Natalie didn't think of this so lightly, though. "How does he know about us, Sirius?" she asked, motioning to the two of them. "We're supposed to be keeping this a secret."

"He must have caught me sneaking out one night, or saw us on the train. I don't know, really. Don't worry about it, he doesn't know your boyfriend," he assured her, rolling his eyes again and saying 'boyfriend' with slight disgust.

Natalie looked around the dark hallway, noticing that there were less and less students filing to their dorms. She decided to trust Sirius and let out the small breath she had been holding. Sirius saw her relax slightly and smiled a genuine smile. He grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the hallway towards a set of stairs.

"Where are you taking me?" Natalie asked. "My common room is the opposite way."

"Trust me, I know where your common room is," Sirius laughed, smirking at her from over his shoulder.

She hopped over a stray textbook as Sirius was pulling her quickly along behind him. "Why on earth would you know that?"

He stopped suddenly in front of a small door leading to a broom closet. "You really don't know much about me, do you?" Sirius asked, a small smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

Natalie blushed slightly and looked around, hiding her face, knowing fully that he was joking but still agreeing with what he said. Neither of them, in fact, knew each other that well. Yes, they had learned a few things during the summer holiday, but certainly not as much as if they were a normal couple dating. Yet, at the same time, she thought it was good that they didn't know each other as much as they probably should have. It made their, for lack of a better word, relationship, simpler. The less they knew about each other, she though, the easier it would be to keep everything a secret.

Sirius let the smile overtake his face, seeing Natalie blush despite her attempts to hide it. He turned the handle of the door and pushed it open, pulling Natalie inside with him. It was dark in the closed and filled to the brim with all sorts of magical cleaning equipment. He turned over a bucked and sat on it, pulling her close to him.

"What are we doing in here, Sirius," she said, forming it into more of a statement than a question, a small smile playing on her lips as well as his.

"Well, since you and I are in different houses and won't get to see each other whenever we want like we got used to during the summer, I figured we could use this closet to see each other," he said, interlacing his fingers in hers.

"Assuming Ravenclaw and Gryffindor have any classes together this year, don't you think we'll see each other then?" she feigned innocence.

Sirius rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that evening, his smile growing bigger as he pulled her closer. "Well I meant more privately in here, but if you don't mind everyone else seeing us snogging then I suppose it doesn't matter..."

Natalie sighed at him as he smirked at her, and let him pull her down onto his lap. They were a sight to be seen, Sirius with his dress shirt un-tucked and his tie loose while Natalie, with her shirt tucked, perfectly pressed skirt and stocking-clad legs crossed ever so lady-like, sat on his lap running her fingers through his hair.

Sirius loved being with her. She made him feel so relaxed, and even though they'd only known each other for a small amount of time, he felt as though he could tell her anything. He wanted to tell her anything and everything, and now that they'd be in constant contact, he hoped he'd get the chance and that shed feel comfortable enough to tell him anything and everything as well.

He placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her into a kiss, brushing his lips across hers softly at first but then more passionately. She, of course, returned the kiss, feeling the familiar rush of blood reach her face, and the tingle of excitement run down her spine. They soon became lost in each other's embrace and stayed in the broom closet for what seemed like hours, and probably was.

The first week of classes had gone smoothly, as it always did for Natalie. She was only taking five classes as they were all very advanced because of NEWT testing at the end of the year. Monday's Transfiguration class was shared with the Hufflepuffs, as was Thursday's Charms class. Thankfully, the only class shared with the Slytherins was Tuesday's Astronomy class, yet it didn't matter to her because it was the one that was most important to her, so she wouldn't let other students bother her. Which then left her Wednesday and Friday classes, Care of Magical Creatures and Defense Against the Dark Arts with the Gryffindors. She was quite excited, actually, about being in two classes with Sirius and his friends. It tickled her pink to potentially be able to get higher marks with every spell they would learn.

Now, though, was Saturday. The much needed weekend couldn't get to Hogwarts quickly enough for many students, and, as Natalie didn't have much homework from the first week, she planned on spending a relaxing weekend at the castle doing whatever she pleased. At the moment, she was in the Great Hall having just finished arranging the space she had in her dorm in the way she had perfected over the years. As she quietly ate her boiled oats and fruit, the mail started to flow through the door, stopping at many different students to deliver packages and letters.

A strange owl stopped in front of Natalie, knocking into her orange juice ever so slightly so that it teetered on its side and caused a little to dribble down the glass. She pursed her lips disapprovingly at the clumsy owl and snatched the letter it held out to her, making sure it knew to leave immediately.

The letter was addressed from her mother and so she opened it without hesitation. Inside there was a small note and a much thicker letter. The small note was from her mother, asking how she was, hoping to hear from her soon, and also saying the letter was from Jason and that she'd be happy to give him Natalie's reply.

Natalie thought this was odd, as Jason almost never wrote her letters, much less asked her mother to send them to her at school. More suspicious this time, she opened the two page letter and started to read.

Natalie,  
Your mother has told me that you've arrived at school safely, and without any trouble. I hope you are doing well in your first few weeks. School for me is going just fine.  
I realize that my writing to you is a tad confusing, as I often never do so. The true nature of this letter is that, whilst visiting with your mother a week or so ago, she offered me a bit of interesting information. She said that throughout the entire summer holiday you had been, and I quote, "hanging around with a rather lovely looking dark haired boy."  
Natalie, I sincerely hope this is not true, and it is really just another one of your mother's silly drunken sightings. And although one should not trust your mother with such gossip, you were rather distant through the holiday and I am very suspicious. I do not like to be toyed with.  
You should consider yourself forbidden to do such a thing behind my back, or with my knowledge for that matter, again. I do not need to be associated with someone who may or may not be acting in a way that makes me look less refined than I am. I should hope you will apologize and begin to hold yourself to higher standards immediately.  
My regards,  
Jason

Though to the naked eye the letter might have looked respectful as ever, Natalie knew that Jason was beyond angry. She was thankful that she was not at home at that moment, for she would be subjected to hours of lecturing from him while she pretended to listen.

So he knew about Sirius. Natalie silently, and very sarcastically, thanked her mother for bringing this new problem about. However, she put the letter away with her school books and resumed her eating, though her appetite was slightly less than before. Jason couldn't reach her at Hogwarts, so therefore she had nothing to worry about until she traveled home for the Christmas holiday.


	8. Chapter 8

Natalie's heart was racing. She had her wand held out in front of her and was walking extremely slowly as to not attract anyone to her whereabouts. She took one small step, and then another, and when she lifted her foot to take yet another, something loud clattered beneath her. Her breath caught in her throat. She lit her want and held it to the ground, seeing a now broken Remembrall scattered on the floor.

"Hey," Sirius whispered beside her, "if you expect to be invited again, you'll do well to keep quiet."

Turning her head towards his voice, she saw through the shadows that he was smirking at her, poking fun at the fact that she had made an excessive amount of noise.

The two of them were on their way to the kitchens, as Sirius had a terrible urge for a midnight snack. He caught her after she had finished her dinner in the Great Hall and told her to meet him in their usual spot at 11:30. While she was wary, and most definitely wouldn't have done anything to break the school rules if it weren't for Sirius, she still made her way to the broom closet on time and hid herself inside until she finally saw her partner.

Now Sirius was leading her down a dark hallway, making sure he had one eye on Natalie the whole time. He knew she was nervous but was beyond happy that she was still there with him. He was one of the biggest troublemakers at Hogwarts and was excited that he had someone new to share some of his secrets with. He and his friends had often found themselves bored of doing the same old thing every night, but now they had gotten the idea in their heads that they could train Natalie to become the same kind of mischievous meddlers that they had learned could be so fun.

Natalie was following behind Sirius diligently, practically stepping in his footsteps. While she was up for any and all kinds of adventures during her summer holidays, she never dared do something to cause any trouble during the school months. But there was just something about Sirius that made her keep following, despite her brain telling her it was a terrible idea. Anyway, she might as well do something crazy. It was her last year at school, after all.

Sirius abruptly pushed her aside against the wall, flattening himself against her and quietly scooting them into a doorway. Natalie gasped and whispered something about being insulted by him being so forward, but he gently put his hand over her mouth to silence her. He motioned his head towards the hallway they had just been creeping through and she saw exactly why they were suddenly hiding. A professor was walking as if they were in a trance, reading off of a piece of parchment and paying no attention to the rest of the world.

Natalie couldn't help but let a little giggle escape her throat. The situation they were in was suddenly hilarious to her. The professor stopped in his tracks; he had heard Natalie's laugh. Sirius tightened his grip around her mouth, telling her silently to stay quiet. Putting the parchment down to his side, the professor looked around him, all of a sudden aware of his surroundings. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head slightly he walked away, most likely convincing himself that it was just a painting or a ghost trying to play a trick on him.

When he was gone Sirius looked down at Natalie and removed his hand, raising his eyebrows at her in a 'what the hell were you thinking?' sort of way.

"Sorry," she said, "I didn't know he would hear me."

He lowered only one eyebrow, now looking at her as if he didn't believe her. Natalie rolled her eyes and tried to push him off, intending to keep moving down the hallway, but he didn't budge. Instead, Sirius moved one of his hands down to her hip and put the other one by the nape of her neck, keeping her still against the doorway.

"Weren't we in the middle of something?" Natalie asked, getting nervous that they would really get caught if they dawdled any longer.

"The whole school is sleeping," he told her, holding her gaze though she tried to break it. "We've got plenty of time to do whatever we like."

As Natalie sat in class, staring outside the window next to her and daydreaming while gazing at the blustery late November afternoon, her thoughts went back to that night. She had been certain at the time that it would not be the last time she'd be sneaking back into her dorm at ungodly hours of the night. It turned out that she was right; just the night before she had arrived in the Ravenclaw common room just a few hours before the sun was set to rise, with her clothes on crooked and her hair disheveled. It made her smile a secret little smile to herself, knowing that she and Sirius were the only ones who would know about their little escapades. That is, if he hadn't already shared with his friends.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the professor declaring that class was over, and asking students to please write down the essay prompt and to actually write and turn it in. When Natalie finally snapped back to reality, she grabbed her textbook and hurried to catch up to Sirius and his friends. Remus was telling James about that day's lesson, obviously annoyed that his friend hadn't paid attention at all.

Natalie was smiling at their humorous conversation when she started to feel odd. She stopped walking, trying to figure out what was missing, when she realized that she had left her bag back in the classroom. She turned around and started back to the class when Sirius jumped in front of her.

"I'll get it," he said, hoping that his chivalry would impress Natalie.

It did, and she smiled as she leaned against the wall to wait for him. A minute later Sirius reached the classroom and bent down to see under the desks, looking for Natalie's beige colored bag. Finding it after a few seconds, he grabbed it and swung it over his shoulder. However, the flap wasn't completely shut and the majority of Natalie's belongings showered to the floor, rolling every which way. Sighing, unhappy that his time would be wasted when he could be with Natalie and his friends, he bent back down and started putting things back into her bag.

Something caught his eye immediately. It wasn't a quill or a roll of parchment, not even a small book for reading between classes, all of which Natalie had stuffed in the bag. No, it was a letter. The thing that was so different about it, though, was that it was written on Muggle paper. His eyes narrowed, recognizing the handwriting on the envelope to be a male's; he had an idea of who wrote it.

Though he knew he shouldn't, and every ounce of his brain was telling him to put the damned letter back into her bag, his need to snoop was greater. He opened the letter and started to read, his brows furrowing lower with every sentence. Sirius could feel his anger starting to bubble somewhere deep inside him. How dare this prat say such things to her?

Right as he finished the letter, Natalie walked in. "What's taking you so long?" she asked, but cut herself off as she saw what he was doing.

Sirius watched as her face fell from happy to confusion to anger. "Were you going to tell me about this?" he asked her, waving the paper carelessly at her.

Natalie narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what he was getting at. She was automatically angry with him for sneaking through her things. "No," she replied, not taking her eyes off of him.

Truthfully, she had almost completely forgotten about the letter that had surely found its way to the bottom of her bag. Before it had been forgotten, however, she really had no intention of telling anyone. Actually, she fully planned on ignoring it until it was bound to be brought up by Jason during the winter holiday. She wasn't even going to send a response back to him, maybe she'd even pretend she hadn't gotten it, or just simply making the excuse that school was too vexing and time consuming to respond.

Sirius was taken aback by her honesty, and felt a bit hurt by it. He felt his mood darken with every passing second. "Are you at least going to tell him off?" he asked, feeling as if he was grasping at straws with Natalie.

Natalie rolled her eyes, already exhausted with the bickering between the two of them. "I wasn't planning on it, no," she told him, leaning on the doorway against her folded arms.

Sirius' eyebrows shot up in surprise. Why wouldn't she tell him off for the things he said to her in that letter? The guy was obviously deserving of a bit of verbal harassment in return. He knew that if he were to see that git right at that moment that he wouldn't be able to stop the words that would come out of his mouth. How could he even bare to say those things to her? It would kill Sirius to even think such things about Natalie.

"Are you completely unaware of the things he called you in this letter?" he asked, angry with her naivety.

Natalie raised one of her eyebrows, daring him to say his thoughts out loud. In any other situation Sirius might have had enough sense to hold his tongue, but at this moment he was simply too fired up to mind his manners.

"Well he's calling you a slut, isn't he?" Sirius practically yelled at her.

She clenched her jaw, hating that he said it. Natalie knew exactly what Jason had been trying to call her in the letter, but she was planning on fully ignoring that part of is rant. To hear it coming from Sirius, though she knew he was just repeating the meaning behind her boyfriend's rude letter and didn't mean it in his own mind, it hurt her. Her subconscious had been calling her that, plus a slew of synonyms, since she stared seeing Sirius, but Natalie had somehow been pushing the thoughts away, until now, of course.

"What does it matter to you?" she snapped at him, now very angry.

He looked at her like he couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. His mind was working so hard trying to keep himself calm and to think of words to say to her without rupturing something in his brain. "Nat," he said, using the shortened version of her name that he had recently started using in hopes that it would calm her down. He really was only doing this because he cared about her. "It's not right that he can just get away with saying that. I would never – I don't ever say those things to you."

Natalie pursed her lips, keeping in most of her thoughts. She knew he was trying to get her to understand, but he had somehow, somewhere, crossed an invisible line into a part of her life that she didn't think he belonged. When she was with him, she didn't want to think about Jason. She knew it was wrong what she was doing, and now it was as if it was being thrown back in her face. Her subconscious was yelling 'I told you so!' from the highest mountains of her mind, and it was upsetting her terribly.

"I don't think it concerns you any," she finally said after a few seconds, much quieter than before.

"It concerns me completely," Sirius said, his voice low. "You're my-"

But he stopped himself, realizing what he was about to say. Natalie's eyes immediately shot up to his, and she felt as though she was on fire. The anger that she had been holding in the past few minutes of arguing pushed itself out of her at last and it was directing itself right at Sirius.

"I'm your what?" she snapped, loudly.

She watched him intently as he opened and shut his mouth several time, out of things to say. His brain had suddenly taken a hiatus from sending signals to his vocal cords, and he couldn't think of the right thing to say much less anything at all.

"I'm your what, Sirius," she said again, still loud and as less questioning than demanding an answer.

He held her gaze for a few seconds, trying his hardest to send his thoughts to her somehow, but then dropped his eyes to the floor. He bit his bottom lip, willing himself to stay silent, hoping that she could find something within him to help calm her down and see what is intentions really were in confronting her about the letter.

She couldn't see reason at that moment, however. She was full of every kind of rage known to man and was seeing red.

"I'm your nothing, Sirius," she said, spitting the word 'nothing' at him. "You were the one that said we'd keep it a secret."

"I know what I said," Sirius spat back at her, defending himself.

"Good," she yelled. "You'd do well to remember it, then."

And with that, Natalie snatched her back out of his hand and stormed out of the empty classroom. She later found herself walking aimlessly about the castle, not knowing what to do with her restless mind.


	9. Chapter 9

Natalie waited for the weekend to pass with great annoyance. It seemed to her that the minutes were dragging by excruciatingly slow no matter what she did to try and speed up the time. She had stuck herself in her dorm room through all of Saturday and Sunday, passing what time she could by doing the little homework she had, and reading ahead in her textbooks. She only snuck down to the Great Hall in the early mornings and stocked up enough food in her bag to last her the rest of the day.

See, Natalie had been avoiding Sirius in the best way she knew how. She knew full well that if she were to carry on her weekend how she normally would have, going down to the Great Hall at every meal, studying in the library, maybe even attending the Quidditch match, that Sirius would find her and try to communicate with her. She also knew full well that if he did get a hold of her that she wouldn't be able to simply ignore him or tell him to piss off. No, she would cave in and talk to him, and everything would go back to normal despite the massive argument the two had in the classroom that past Friday.

So she decided to hide herself away for two days, making damned sure that Sirius wouldn't be able to find her. Of course, being the troublemaker that he was, she was certain that he knew exactly where the Ravenclaw common room was located, as he had promised once before. However, she was also sure that there was no way he could figure out the password, and even if he did, there was definitely no way that he could sneak up to her dorm room with no other students noticing. She was safe where she was, at least until classes started again on Monday.

Thankfully, though, she didn't actually have to endure a class with Sirius until Wednesday, so the first two days of the week went by without much hassle from him. He did try to track her down in the Great Hall during her lunch time, but she had seen this coming and made sure to scarf down her lunch in record time and leave just as soon as he was arriving. While he did try to follow her, she escaped him somehow and went on with the rest of her day, disturbance free.

Natalie was dreading Wednesday by the time Tuesday night rolled around. As she was getting settled into her bed, she tried to hatch out a plan for the next day. She would have no choice but to interact with him, as they were in the same class together for over an hour. Even if, by some miraculous happening, she didn't talk to him directly she was sure that his loyal friends would not leave her alone either. They loved Sirius too much to see him suffer, even slightly, by the hands of some girl and would surely do anything to get her to talk to him.

She finally decided that she would indeed have to talk to one of them, but promised herself that she would keep it brief, perhaps making the excuse that it was in the middle of class and that she needed to pay attention to the lesson. It wasn't really an excuse, though. She would never ignore a teacher's lecture just to talk to friends. She was put in Ravenclaw, after all.

By the time Wednesday morning dawned, Natalie was ready for the day that loomed ahead. She gathered her things into her bag, at the same time making sure that her skirt wasn't badly wrinkled and that her stockings were pulled to just the right length, and made her way to the Great Hall. She silently ate her breakfast of toast and jam, taking great care to keep stray crumbs away from her school robes. After she finished she gathered her things once more and, slinging her bag over her shoulder, made her way out of the hall and towards the grounds outside. She vaguely saw Sirius out of the corner of her eye, eating with his friends, but paid him no attention.

Natalie was still furious with him from the Friday before. What he said, what he might have meant, basically everything about their fight, angered her deep down to her soul. To her, he had no right to read the letter or to comment on it. The two of them were neither in a committed nor an exclusive relationship with one another, so it seemed to her that he shouldn't be concerned with how her relationship with Jason was going. It would have been a different story had she not just met him mere months before, but she had, and he felt as though it was his place to say the things he did to her and about her boyfriend.

It was all very confusing at the same time. While she normally would have had no problem spending her time fuming at the very thought of Sirius, something in the back of her mind made it difficult to do so. Every single time he popped up in her head, her immediate anger slowly ebbed away and she ended up just thinking about him; those eyes that she swore could see into her soul, his smile that was so contagious, and the way his soft, dark hair felt in between her fingers as he kissed her...

She angrily shook her head, realizing that she had fallen into the same trance as she had been since the fight. Her head was swimming with thoughts of Sirius, good and bad, as she reached the place where the Care of Magical Creatures class was usually held. Natalie had been so absorbed in her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed that her feet had taken over and moved her to the place she needed to go. She also hadn't noticed that Sirius and his friends were no more than fifty paces behind her the entire time. Once she realized this, she was incredibly glad that they hadn't been in front of her, for if they had turned around even one time to look at her, they would have seen her glazed over eyes and the foolish half grin her lips held as she thought about her several secret rendezvous with Sirius.

Surprisingly, the class went by with no unwanted interruptions from any four of the 'marauders', as Natalie had recently learned their group nickname. She was able to fully concentrate on the lesson, taking extensive notes and even starting on the three parchment roll essay the class had to write about the incredibly boring life of a flobberworm.

When class was over she took all of her loose papers messily in one arm and headed to a secluded tree near the lake to finish the essay, her mind already filled with things to write that she didn't want to forget by the time she got up to her room. She had often sat under the shade of this tree over her past few years at Hogwarts, first discovering its existence during her third year. It provided her with relief from the head during the warm months of the year but also with an escape from the falling snow if she so wished to sit under its branches during the cold months as well. She sat in the same spot, having spent many hours during her first time under the tree sitting in all different places and in all different positions until she found her perfect fit, right up against the trunk and in between a break in the tree's giant roots.

She found herself out in the same place the next day, right after enduring a rather boring Charms lesson for what seemed like the entire afternoon. It was slowly starting to get darker outside, the sun lazily drifting behind cloud after cloud making its way to the horizon. She had changed into warm Muggle clothes after her class was over, grabbing a quick bite to eat in the Great Hall before going out to the tree by the lake to start on some of that week's homework.

The weather had already started getting colder over the past few weeks, but as Natalie walked across the grounds she noticed the leaves had started falling. The crunching under her feet made her feel a bit colder, thinking about how snow would come soon, and she pulled down the sleeves of her gray sweater over her fingers. She felt the cool breeze penetrate the fabric of her jeans as she made her way to the tree.

When she got there, however, someone was already sitting in her spot. Immediately annoyed, for she would obviously have to make her way back up to the castle since it would be far too awkward for two people to sit under the same tree even if she sat on the other side, she moved towards the person to get a better look at who they were.

Sirius looked up automatically, somehow knowing exactly where Natalie would be, and finding her eyes within seconds. She was surprised to see him, so much so that she found herself planted to the spot she was standing in, unable to move an inch.

"How did you know I'd come here?" she asked, not being able to think of anything else to say.

"Come on, it's me you're talking about," Sirius said with his signature smirk.

When Natalie didn't crack a smile at his comment, his smirk fell and was replaced with a look of hesitation and even a little nervousness. "I saw you come out here yesterday," he said, trying again. "I figured I'd try to talk to you out here. It's a bit more secluded than the castle."

Again, Natalie said nothing. Sirius didn't give up, nor did she think he would. Instead, he patted the slowly dying grass next to him, silently asking for her to sit. She did, feeling for some reason that she should listen to him. Perhaps she thought she owed that much to him, though she didn't know why.

"I'm sorry," he said, apologizing right away, not wanting to prolong the conversation any longer. "I know I broke some kind of unspoken rule when I said what I did. I knew I shouldn't have said anything, not even looked at the letter, but..."

His sentence trailed off and Natalie didn't press him to go on. She knew what he wanted to say, yet she didn't actually want to hear the words come out of his mouth. He was the one who said they could be together whilst keeping it a secret, and that's how she wanted to keep things. She loved being around Sirius; he made her laugh and smile and she was always happy when she was with him. Well, almost always. But at the same time, Jason had been a part of her life for years, and she didn't know if she wanted that relationship to end quite yet.

Sirius continued on when Natalie, again, said nothing. "Can we just go back to normal?" he asked her. "Please?"

It was then that Natalie finally acted as though she had heard him. She turned to look at him, her eyes searching his for something, though she didn't know what. "You still want to?" she asked, confused as to why he would.

"Of course," he said quietly.

"Why?" she asked, suddenly needing to know why, after he had surely realized how strongly he felt for her, he would still agree to see her in secrecy.

He thought for a long moment, and she knew he was thinking the same thing as she was. When he finally responded, he looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Because it's better than nothing."


	10. Chapter 10

In the next week after Natalie and Sirius made up, their lives were good and as normal as possible. During the week, Natalie went to all of her classes, did homework and studied. As usual, she spent most of her time in the library or her dorm, making charts of the star's movements or writing an essay on the new defensive spell that she had learned in that week's class. On occasion, Sirius would leave her a note in her bag or one of her pockets (of course, she hadn't noticed him planting it) asking her to meet him by the kitchens or one of the secret passageways that she was getting to know well, though not as well as he and his friends.

However, their most exciting escapades took place over the weekend, where all freedom was theirs to do whatever they wished. Before their fight, they would sneak into the caretaker's office to retrieve items that he had taken from the Marauders, along with other people's things if they were interesting enough. Other times, they would silently make their way into the Great Hall to plant dung bombs underneath the Slytherin table so it would smell terribly when they went to eat their breakfasts in the morning. And every now and then they would simply sit atop the astronomy tower and laugh at each other's stories for hours on end.

No matter what they were doing or who they were with, though, Sirius would always find a way to get Natalie all to himself. She never expected this, as she knew that Sirius was exceptionally close to his friends, and wouldn't let herself sneak between them. The last thing she wanted was for James, Remus or even Peter to hate her for constantly stealing Sirius away from them. She got her time with Sirius almost daily, he made sure of it, and wouldn't say a thing if she didn't.

Natalie was used to Jason, of course, who would only come visit her once, maybe twice, a week. Even then, he would only chat with her for a few hours before giving her one, admittedly, awkward kiss on the lips and one on her cheek and leaving, usually not to be heard of until his next visit. Jason was predictable; he was never one for spontaneity or anything out of the ordinary. Every move he made was calculated down to the very second he would perform it, and needless to say, things with him would get rather boring.

Sirius was nothing of that sort. Compared to Jason, Sirius was a breath of fresh air for Natalie, and she made sure she didn't take a moment of his presence in her life for granted. But the more she thought of Sirius, the more she started feeling guilty about being with two men at the same time.

Since her secret relationship with Sirius started, Natalie was in full acknowledgement that she was in the wrong. It was terrible of her to lead Jason on while leading Sirius on at the same time, and she knew that. As of late, it had started eating away at her. Thoughts of Jason and Sirius would haunt her mind in the most inconvenient of times; during lessons, while she was trying to study, while she was with Sirius.

In no time, Natalie started thinking that she might want to change things with her boyfriends. Of course, she wasn't fully conscious of that fact until it finally hit her, and when it did she couldn't have been more confused. She couldn't stop thinking about it; why did she suddenly want things to change? They had been working out alright so far. Yes, it was a bit hard keeping things with her and Sirius a secret from the entirety of Hogwarts, but they were making it work and they were enjoying themselves as well.

Though the thoughts plagued her mind at almost every waking moment, she pushed them away, sure that she was thinking too much of it. Plus, there was no way that Natalie would let her studies slide just because of a couple of boys.

Weekends were definitely something Natalie, along with the rest of Hogwarts, looked forward to, and on a Thursday afternoon it was almost there. With only two more meals and one more class to go, all the students were getting a little restless. There was, of course, going to be a Hogsmead visit along with a Quidditch match and the majority of Hogwarts' population was excited for one or the other. Natalie and Sirius were planning on going to both events, along with the rest of the Marauders.

Natalie left her Charms lesson early in the afternoon and joined her fellow Ravenclaws to a lunch of roasted chicken and potatoes, making polite conversation when it was expected of her. However, she was hurrying slightly, as she was supposed to meet Sirius in their usual broom closet in only a half hour. Remembering this, she finished her food and rushed past student after student until she finally reached the long stretch of abandoned hallway leading to the closet.

As soon as she could touch the door she had peeked her head inside to see if Sirius was already waiting for her. He was, and as soon as he saw her, he had Natalie in his arms and was shutting and locking the door behind her.

After his greeting, which lasted a bit longer than a normal one, the two of them lit their wands and asked each other about their day. As usual, Natalie's was normal and ordinary. That was just how she liked it. Sirius' was quite the opposite. As he and his friends were all in the same house, and even though they didn't have to, they took all the same classes together. With that said, they got in all the same trouble together. For instance, during that Thursday's class, Sirius and James managed to anger the professor so much that he kicked not only the two troublemakers out of the lesson, but Remus and Peter as well. The latter two were doing nothing wrong; they were actually paying close attention to the class. However, the professor knew of the Marauders and was unsure of what Remus and Peter might do without Sirius and James with them, so he decided to save himself the headache and rid his class of them simply as a precaution.

From Sirius' story of the day, he went into talking about his friends as a whole, something he did quite often. He would start with how they were so fun to be around, how they were always doing something, but they would start talking about things with a deeper meaning. He would talk about things such as how they were all like brothers to him, and how he would do anything to keep them safe and happy.

That conversation then led into how his friends, James specifically, ha saved him from his family. He let Natalie know that his family had always been involved in darker magic, and how he suspected them of being part of this new wave of dark wizards rebelling against the ministry and Muggles. He told her of how they had tried to get him to join their 'movements', and how he had blatantly refused, and how he had tried to save his brother from his parent's influence. As Natalie had briefly met Sirius' brother, and with the impression he left her, it was really no surprise that Regulus had gone down the path that his parents followed.

At this point, Sirius asked about Natalie's parents for the first time. She told him about her mother, how she worked in a factory picking up any hours that she could to be able to pay for their small house, and how she was an only child.

"What about your father?" he asked, having been listening intently and noticing that Natalie had neglected to mention a father.

She hadn't mentioned him on purpose, though. He hadn't been in her life for many years, and that was just the way she wanted things to be. Her father was a bad man, in her eyes just as bad as Sirius' parents put together. She knew that she could trust Sirius with anything, not that this information was a secret to be kept, but it certainly wasn't anything she would tell someone in passing.

Clenching her jaw, she finally answered him, saying, "In a perfect world I wouldn't have a father."

Natalie saw him become confused, and knew that he would ask more questions. She mentally prepared herself to bare all, almost wanting to tell him at the same time. She wanted him to know everything about her. As expected, Sirius asked why she said that.

She looked him in the eyes. "My father is a terrible man, Sirius."

At this, his eyebrows raised in further confusion, but didn't ask 'why' again, knowing Natalie would continue herself. Instead of just telling him, she decided to show him how bad her father actually was.

Natalie lowered her hand to her skirt, making sure Sirius followed her with his gaze. Once she reached the hem, she started to lift the fabric up her thigh, revealing her skin inch by inch. She went slowly, making sure it didn't become too much for herself to handle, and giving herself enough time to make her hand keep moving. At any other time, Sirius' expression would have made her laugh forever, but at that moment she wasn't sure she could find anything funny. Right before Natalie reached her hips, she stopped. Her slim fingers held the fabric against her skin and she lowered her wand with her other hand down to where both sets of eyes were focused.

She watched Sirius' face intently, as he studied her skin with the same rapt attention. On her upper thigh were several marks about the size of a Knut, all round and a lighter color than her actual skin tone. It was immediately apparent that they were scars, but Sirius didn't know what from. As soon as he realized what they were, though, he felt anger flare up behind his eyes and throughout his entire body. Sirius looked up at her, and saw that she was watching him with an unreadable expression on her face. Moving purely on instinct and curiosity, he reached out his hand, not taking his eyes away from Natalie, making sure that what he was doing was acceptable. When she gave him a slight nod he brought his eyes back down to her leg and began touching the scars.

"He liked cigars," Natalie told him simply, turning her head away from his.

She felt his eyes on her when she said this, and she had the sudden urge to tell him everything about her father, even though it was painful to remember everything.

"That's as much as he ever got to do to me. My mother got it much worse. He was absolutely dreadful to live with."

"What ever happened to him?"

Natalie pursed her lips just thinking about her father, the wretched man. "The Muggle authorities eventually caught onto him. He was a notorious drunk around town and he got into a fight one night at the pub. When they followed him back to our house they saw my mother. She wasn't working at the time so she never left the house. They arrested him and he went to prison."

"When did all this happen?" Sirius asked, visibly relaxed after Natalie told him he was out of the picture.

"A long time ago," she replied, her eyes cast downward, speaking on auto-pilot. She suddenly looked at him when she said, "It's been a very long time since I've thought about my father. I'd like to keep it that way, after tonight. But until then you can ask me anything you want."

He nodded, knowing that this might be the only chance to bring up what he had on his mind, and what he'd been thinking about for days upon days. He started off by asking a simple question, hoping it would lead him to the bigger subject. "Why didn't your mother ever stop him?"

Natalie scoffed, rolling her eyes in the process. "I'd be surprised if my mother stood up to a thief while she watched him rob our home. She's just not the type. She would have much rather let him do whatever he wanted and just clean up the mess afterwards than say something herself."

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked, quietly, knowing he was already pressing her patience.

Natalie furrowed her eyebrows at this, confused by Sirius' question, yet thinking of the answer anyway. "I was young and, well I...I must have taken after my mother. Afraid of the confrontation, perhaps."

Sirius watched the gears turn in her head. She was so beautiful when she was deep in thought, as she often was. He knew that what he was about to ask Natalie would cause an uproar, one that he wouldn't be able to take back, but he was confident that it would turn out in his favor in the end.

"Do you think that's why," he hesitated, not taking his eyes off of her, "maybe, why you won't leave Jason, despite the way he treats you?"

Her eyes shot up to his, completely taken aback by his prying question. She knew now that he had been thinking along the same lines as she had since their fight. He was uncomfortable with the fact that she had someone else besides him, and now he was trying to figure out why she was with them both.

"He's really not as bad as you think," she whispered, suddenly not able to look at him directly.

"You're lying," Sirius refused to stop looking at her, knowing that she was having an internal battle with herself to either keep calm or get angry and leave. I read the letter, don't forget. He was far too casual with the way he spoke to you. That means he's done it before. A lot before."

All Natalie did was look at him in silent agreement with the accusations he was pinning against her boyfriend. "I'm right," he said, and when she opened her mouth to retort, he quieted her by saying, "I know I am, you don't have to say it."

Sirius took a deep breath, knowing that he had gone too far to turn back now. He had to keep going, keep asking her hard questions and seeing how she felt about everything that he had been pondering. He scooted closer to her, grabbing her hand and interlacing her fingers with his.

"Is it miserable with him?"

She let a small smile escape her, despite feeling as if she was being interrogated. "Anyone could be seen as miserable to be with compared to you. I love being with you."

He smiled as well, as he felt the same with her. That's what triggered this conversation for him. He had never been with one girl this long, or with the kinds of feelings he had for Natalie. Sirius couldn't get enough of her, and he was tired of keeping her a secret from everyone outside of his friends. He wanted her to himself, wanted to show her off, wanted to let everyone know she was his girlfriend.

Sirius' smile slowly faded from his face. He squeezed her hand slightly, getting ready for the hardest thing he'd say all night. Natalie was looking down at her hand in his, concentrating on something deep in her mind.

"Leave him."

For the second time that night, Natalie's eyes shot up to his. This time, though, they were filled with so many different emotions. Confusion, mostly, but also sadness, concern, anger. "What?" she asked, incredulously.

"Leave him. Be with me," he said, looking at her with so much hope.

Natalie's breathing became ragged, her heart starting to race. "Sirius, I am with you. I'm here now, aren't I?"

He placed a finger on one side of her chin and moved it towards him so that she was looking in his eyes. "You know that's not what I mean. I want you to myself, I don't want to share you."

"You wanted this to be a secret," she said harshly, accusing him of breaking the agreement they had.

"I know. But that was months ago, before we really knew each other. I didn't think I'd develop these kinds of feelings for you. And I know you have them for me, too, you can't deny it." Sirius was pleading with her, trying to make her understand that he was better for her than her boyfriend could ever be.

Natalie's head was swimming. No, she couldn't deny her feelings for Sirius. However, he sprung this on her so suddenly; and after sharing so many memories of her father not long before, she found it hard to think straight. She couldn't make a decision under this pressure, she might regret something she would do or say.

"Sirius I..." she stared, "if you'd just give me some time to think..."

Sirius' face immediately fell. Hers was not the reaction he was hoping for. When he played the conversation out before hand, she would have already been in his arms, having agreed right away. But in reality, she wanted to 'think'. He didn't know exactly what that meant, but he did know it could turn against him.

He was angry with her now. He couldn't help it; he didn't want to be angry. He wanted to say, 'take all the time you need,' and 'just think about what I've said,' but instead he found his body lifting itself up, releasing her hand as he got to his feet.

Natalie looked at him in confusion, sad and scared about what was happening with them. It was all going on so fast she didn't know what to do. She couldn't control her body or else she would have gotten up after him.

"Yeah," he agreed, though it was a bit sarcastic. As he opened the door, he turned his head back to her, saying, "Come find me when you've made a decision."

"Sirius, wait," she tried to stop him, but he closed the door behind him, leaving her in the dim glow of her own wand.

Natalie didn't know what had just gone on. Her mind was foggy with an influx of information she had just received from Sirius. She found herself sitting in the same place for what seemed like hours before her head finally cleared. She got up with a purpose, legs weak from sitting for so long, but pushed through and made her way to the Ravenclaw common room and up to her dorm.


	11. Chapter 11

Natalie had always considered pacing an odd thing. Why tire yourself and hurt your feet when you could sit comfortably? She seriously doubted that walking around aimlessly helped people think any better than sitting. Though, as she paced around her dorm in the Ravenclaw tower, she noticed that it did indeed help her think better, as if her physical movement was helping the movement of her thoughts.

Love and relationships and feelings were all very fickle things. This thought danced around Natalie's head as she replayed the sequence of events from the broom closet not thirty minutes earlier. People want you, but only in certain ways and at certain times, but then change their minds at the drop of a hat, as if it was perfectly alright to toy with another's emotion at will.

Sirius had made up his mind that he no longer wanted his and Natalie's relationship to be a secret, and that he wanted her all to himself. She couldn't blame him, really. She had the same feelings about him as he did towards her but for some reason she wasn't able to bring herself to completely go along with what he wanted.

As if she was participating in a lecture class, Natalie made a mental pro's and con's list. Jason, for instance, had been in her life for years. He was familiar, he was normal. Yet, at the same time, he was plain, he was boring, he was rude, selfish, extremely controlling and overbearing.

Sirius was the complete opposite in every regard. He was new and knew next to nothing about Natalie. He was anything but normal, loved the idea of getting into trouble, had problems with authoritative figures, and didn't really care about school work. But he was so much fun and sweet and caring and just the way he looked at Natalie all the time, whether he knew she was watching or not, made her absolutely melt.

So why was this so difficult? As much as she wanted to deny it, wanting herself to be faithful to the person that she knew everyone else expected her to be with and wanting to be the good, normal girl, she knew that she had fallen completely for the shaggy, dark haired, troublesome, amazing boy that had given all of himself to her that night.

"I am such a fool," Natalie said to herself. Not only was she feeling idiotic for wasting such time realizing that she felt so strongly for Sirius, but she had hurt him tenfold in the process.

Scurrying to her desk, Natalie grabbed a spare piece of parchment and dipped a stray quill in an emptying jar of ink. She scribbled out a few lines hastily, not caring in the least bit of how Jason would judge her on her tidiness before he even ready any of the words.

Jason,  
Terribly sorry I haven't been able to get back to you sooner. I regret to inform you that what my mother told you was very true, I have been seeing someone else. Unfortunately, I am going to have to end our relationship in the utmost urgency.  
Sorry again,  
Natalie

Taking the parchment and a note to her mother to please deliver the message to Jason, Natalie threw on a cardigan as she pounded down the stairs towards the exit of the Ravenclaw common room. Throwing the door open she ran as fast as she could to the top of the owlry tower. It took her only about five minutes to reach the top of the tower, and though she was out of breath and dying to grab a stitch in her side, she wrapped the letter around the first owl she saw and sent it on its way.

Without a moment hesitation, she turned on her heel and ran, dodging through hallways and skipping several steps at a time down the stair cases, being careful to avoid the moving ones, until she reached the Great Hall. There was a small crowd of people leaving, signifying that the late dinner rush was just ending. Natalie pushed her way through the crowd, heaving large breaths of air into her lungs to try and calm the panting. When she saw Sirius and the rest of the Marauders she hurried over to them as fast as her legs could go.

"Sirius!" she panted, brushing the hair out of her face as she finally reached him.

Sirius glanced back at the three boys behind him, silently telling them to stay just out of ear shot. They, of course, didn't, but did back up to give the couple their space.

"I thought about what you said," Natalie told him, lowering her voice after catching her breath.

"Oh yeah? How'd that go for you?" Sirius asked sarcastically, barely making eye contact before brushing past her towards the door.

Natalie furrowed her brow in confusion, but continued with her thoughts "Well, I just needed a bit of time for myself to make up my mind-"

"Make up your mind?" Sirius asked, turning around and facing her finally. "You shouldn't have had to make up your mind about anything."

"It was a big decision, Sirius," Natalie said, a note of pleading in her voice. Why was he acting so strange?

"Yeah, well you should have a lot of time to make all the decisions you need to from now on," Sirius said, starting to walk to opposite way again. "We're over."

Natalie's heart sank into her stomach. How could he say that if he was the one who made her decide between him and Jason? No, he didn't mean it. As soon as she told him that she broke up with Jason he'd take back what he said. She started to follow after him, saying, "Sirius, wait."

He turned around again and looked at her directly in her beautiful blue eyes. "Don't bother, he said, and left the Great Hall.

Natalie couldn't say anything. Her voice didn't seem to be working no matter how hard she tried. She turned around and looked at James, Remus and Peter, all of whom were staring at her in surprised confusion. What just happened?


	12. Chapter 12

Breakups are hard, especially to teenagers, who end up feeling like their lives are over. But no one, not even adults, can deny that they're hard. All that time spent with another person suddenly means nothing and is expected to be forgotten. It doesn't matter who ended the relationship, or if the other person didn't want it to end. One person is almost always left upset and brokenhearted.

Natalie was feeling those exact feelings still a week after Sirius decided to end their secret relationship. She suddenly found herself walking the halls of the castle alone where she used to walk them hand in hand with Sirius. She ate alone, she studied alone, and she sat in class alone. She hadn't been dumped by the rest of the Marauders, but Sirius had certainly made it clear that Natalie was officially shunned from the group.

All of those things aside, the one thing Natalie noticed most was how much she missed the little things. She was constantly thinking about his soft curly locks of dark hair, his soft but slightly calloused hands, his warm lips on hers...

Natalie shook her head to shoo the thoughts from her lonely brain. Looking down in front of her she saw that she hadn't taken down a single note during Charms. She had just scribbled, barely legible, the steps to the new spell to be learned for the next week when the old and tired professor dismissed the class. Natalie was pushing her messy roll of parchment into her shoulder bag, still distracted by the thoughts of Sirius diminishing in her head when she noticed someone come up behind her. As she turned around she stopped in surprise upon seeing two boys, one with sandy colored hair and pale skin and the other with messy jet black hair and glasses perched delicately on the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, hello," she said awkwardly, lifting her bag up onto her shoulder.

"Hello," Remus greeted cheerfully though his eyes were tired.

"Care to have lunch with us?" James asked, gesturing toward the classroom door.

Natalie hesitated. She knew that Sirius was angry with her and she did not want to give him an excuse to absolutely loath her. Besides, she didn't want to get James and Remus into any trouble with their friend, either.

The boys couldn't help but notice how the girl hesitated at the offer. Remus told her that it was okay, and maybe another time. James said, "Yeah, another time. Although, if you're nervous about what Sirius might think, you should know that we don't care. You're our friend, Nat, not just Padfoot's ex-girl."

What a simple thing to say, but it held so much meaning. She was their friend and they had become quite close over the past few months. James used the Marauder's nickname for her and proved that he knew her well enough to point out what she was thinking in her own head. And Natalie knew the two boys well enough to realize that they would not leave her alone until she started to be comfortable around them again.

"Alright, sure. I could go grab something to eat."

The boys grinned and the three made their way down to the Great Hall. They talked as if nothing at all had happened between her and Sirius. She was thankful for that; it took her mind off of how sad she had been over the last week. It gave her hope, also, that even if she and Sirius were no longer together that she might still be able to keep her friends and that part of her new life that she so adored.

She and the boys enjoyed their lunch together and the breath of relief from stress they all sighed. They ate their boiled potatoes and meats, laughed and shared stories of the last week. Hers were boring, though she left out the sad and miserable details; theirs were exciting, though they did their best to leave out all details of Sirius. Her feelings were mixed; she wanted to hear what he was up to and if he was secretly as sad as she was, but she also didn't want any other excuses to think about him.

Walking out of the Great Hall, Remus left to go study in the library, leaving Natalie and James to talk alone. The awkward silence didn't last long, not to Natalie's surprise as James seldom kept his thoughts to himself. He and Sirius were almost identical in that respect.

"So," he started saying, trying to gain all of Natalie's attention. How are you, really?"

"I've told you, I'm fine," she answered instantly, rolling her eyes.

"Liar."

Natalie looked at him seriously for just a moment, making a swift decision on whether or not she really wanted to share her feelings with him. She didn't but...

"I'm sad," she told him, feeling and sounding childish but being honest nonetheless.

His eyes went from sarcastic to soft and understanding in an instant. He looked at her curiously before saying, without caution for he knew they were good enough friends, "Why, though?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?" she retorted, taking offense.

"Well, I mean...well you chose the other guy, didn't you? You knew Sirius didn't want to keep you two a secret anymore."

Before she could stop herself, before she could remind herself that her own thoughts should probably not be publicized, she blurted out one word: "No!"

She had clapped her hand to her forehead before James had even mustered up the look of confusion he held on his face.

"No?" he repeated, trying to work out the mystery quickly in his brain. "Wait...you didn't?"

One person finding out her secret was one too many. Natalie grabbed James by the shoulder of his robes and dragged him to a quiet corner of the castle, not far from her own Ravenclaw common room.

James wasted no time. "You didn't choose the other guy?" he asked, really trying to hide his excitement and keep his voice low.

Natalie let out a sigh. "No, I broke up with him."

James' face lit up. "You have to tell Sirius! He'll be thrilled. I know right where he is, come on-"

Natalie pulled her hand out of James', who was trying to pull her back towards the entrance of the castle. "No, James."

He looked even more confused. "But why? You can both go back to normal now."

"James, I broke up with Jason a week ago," Natalie said, preparing to wait a moment for her friend to understand what she was saying.

Just as she thought, it took James several moment. When it dawned on him, he looked up at Natalie with a saddened look in his eyes and on his face. "You did it the night he broke up with you?"

She simply shrugged her shoulders, trying to act as if it wasn't a big deal. She knew she could be honest with James but for some reason, perhaps to protect herself from anymore unnecessary upset, she tried her hardest to disguise her heartache. "It's over now. I don't want to dwell on it."

After trying meekly to console her, James left Natalie to her lonesome, just as she was used to as of late. He wanted to perhaps take a walk around the castle with her, maybe talk about things, but she assured him that she was fine and that she actually needed time to study. That was true, Natalie had three rolls of parchment due in a week on the latest spell learned in Charms that she needed to attempt to make a dent in, not to mention the endless pile of star charts that she was constantly trying to catch up on, no matter how much she actually got done with in one night.

It seemed, though, that everyone else in the castle had the same great idea also. She couldn't seem to find Remus, or any other empty seat for that matter. The library was much too overcrowded, and no matter how hard the tiny woman of a librarian tried to hush the crowd of students, the murmurs and mumblings had overtaken her and turned into a low rumbling that could be heard even beyond the thick wooden doors.

Frustrated after searching the castle in every place she knew, from empty classrooms to supposedly deserted hallways to a desperate last attempt in the kitchens, Natalie bundled herself in several shirts and her only wool sweater and grabbed a few textbooks, rolls of parchment, ink and quill and hustled outside and to the edge of the Black Lake where her favorite tree was located.

Thanks to the weather becoming more and more chilled as the days went on, the tree had lost most of its leaves, the brown and orange foliage making crunching noises underneath Natalie's feet. Some people might have thought the landscape was dark and frightening, with the bare branches of the trees stark and black against the clear night sky, the moon full in the distance. On the contrary, Natalie found it extremely relaxing, leaning her back against the tree's trunk and sliding her body down onto the hard ground underneath. She was facing the lake, the bright moon reflecting off of its surface to give her just enough light to see her surroundings.

Natalie took out her wand and lit the tip so that she could read her book and her writing on the parchment. With the wand in her left hand pointing toward her line of sight, she started to read, take notes, and write lines of intelligent words that eventually turned into paragraphs which eventually turned into entire pages. She started to mute the sounds of nature when her concentration became more intense. All that she saw were the writing on the paper of the book and her own handwriting flowing out from the tip of the quill. Her mind more at ease now, the words started coming to her quicker without her having to take nearly as many breaks-

Natalie jumped so violently that the book and parchment that had been resting comfortably on either one of her knees crashed to the ground with a loud clap as the book closed shut. She whipped her head around to where the forest was, almost subconsciously dropping the quill and switching her wand from her left hand to her dominant right hand. She stared into the dark forest, hardly moving from fear and adrenaline except for the slight rise and fall of her chest as she tried to steady her breathing.

She didn't know if there was actually anything to fear but she tried hard to remember her spells from Defense Against the Dark Arts just as a precaution. She could have sworn she heard howling...

"Mate..."

The hesitation in James' voice made Sirius look up. Seeing the look on his friend's face told him that there was something wrong. Pulling on his cloak, he stood up and walked to where the dark haired boy was standing.

"What? We already knew it was a full moon tonight, you scared?" he said, making sure his sarcasm was evident.

"Not that, you git. That."

James was pointing to a tree by the Black Lake, the one he had waited under not a few weeks ago to try to talk to Natalie. Sirius squinted, hoping the action would improve his regular humanly eyesight. He saw someone standing to the left of the tree, wand held tight at their side, a wave of blonde hair reflected from the moonlight.

"Is that..."

"Natalie," James finished, his voice grave and his face worried.

"Why the hell is she outside?" Sirius asked no one in particular, his voice rising.

"Don't yell," James reminded, gesturing to a door on the second floor of the building they were taking shelter in.

"He's taken the potion," Sirius said.

"Any little thing could set him off, you know that," James said in a scolding, yet hushed, voice.

"She must have figured out what we're doing here." Sirius started toward the door, pulling the handle loudly without thinking. "We have to get her back inside."

"Padfoot!" James whispered hurriedly.

Both boys stopped dead in their tracks. They heard a deep growling from the room upstairs, right before the door swung open, ripping one of the hinges off the wall and launching the creature behind it down the stairs and out the open door.

Natalie had just begun to gather up her things when she heard the loud bang. Dropping her possessions again, her wand still tight in her hand, she turned again. This time, however, she knew she wasn't imagining things. She was, in fact, one hundred percent certain that she was not imagining the giant creature bounding toward her at an incredible speed.

She had always heard about the amazing intuition that human beings had about them. Flight or fight was purely instinctual, and though she was waiting anything but patiently, her mind and body seemed to be frozen, unable to process what was surely going to be an imminent death.

Thankfully, her body seemed to become aware of the situation with just enough time to throw herself to the ground, avoiding a painful collision with the massive thing that had launched itself into the air just at that moment.

Her wand was no longer in her hand. Where had it gone? Natalie was frantic, scraping her fingers across the earth around her trying to feel for the thin piece of wood. She gave up when she heard the thing behind her grunt. Turning slowly, hoping that its eyesight was terrible and wouldn't see her if she didn't make any sudden movements, she finally got a good look at her attacker.

No, it would have incredible eyesight. And a seriously good sense of smell, at that. The werewolf knew exactly where she was and it was making unwavering eye contact. Natalie swallowed, her throat as dry as the leaves she had walked on just a short time before. The werewolf started making a low growling noise in the back of its throat.

Wait. Natalie turned around, her back toward the wolf. She was wrong, the werewolf wasn't the one growling. The fact might have made her feel a bit more comforted except for the fact that the growling belonged to something else. A large, muscular black dog was standing in front of her now, its eyes shifting from her to the wolf behind her. It was the one making the growling noise, though she couldn't be sure who it was directed to. Perhaps it and the werewolf were friends?

She didn't have much time to consider the possibilities of this thought as the werewolf launched itself over Natalie and against the dog, hitting the back of her head with one of its paws in the process. The force of the blow knocked her onto her face, her hands blocking some of the shock. The sharp sting of pain told her that her hands had been injured, though not badly enough that she couldn't use them to push herself back up and onto her feet.

The world spun. She was dizzy and used the tree beside her to lean against when her feet wouldn't move forward. Natalie closed her eyes and touched her hand to her left temple, using her fingers to put just a bit of pressure, hoping that it would ease the headache threatening to unfold.

When she opened her eyes, the black dog was nowhere in sight, though the werewolf was suddenly focused on Natalie again. Her body stiffened, in full and complete knowledge that she was without a wand and was not skilled in the art of Muggle fighting. The wolf started to make its way toward her, slowly, teasing her with the pain that it was about to make her feel. She saw it stop and lean back on its haunches, preparing its body to pounce on her and begin its mauling...

But that never happened. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and moved her head to the left just in time to see the black dog reappear, with a large deer with even larger antlers not far behind it.

The scene seemed to be going in slow motion. The dog was in midair as she turned her head, and she saw the surprise in its eyes as its paws made contact with the side of her face. It was clear that the dog had not intended to hit her there, but it didn't matter. She felt her flesh sting and break under its sharp claws, felt the dog try to pull back but not quick enough. She fell to the ground, the dog on top of her and for the first time got a good look at the creature. Though she felt the blood from her own body start to flow down her neck, and though she began to feel her breathing labor, she couldn't stop looking into the eyes of the dog. Where had she seen them before?

The dog's gray eyes were the last thought that Natalie had before the world left her and she was thrown into a land of darkness. Her pain ebbed away, to her satisfaction, and she let her body go limp.


	13. Chapter 13

The world was hazy and full of a misty gray fog that was both unsettling and comforting in the same moment. At times, it was so thick that nothing could be seen but the gray swirling and unfurling around Natalie. Other times, though, when she tried extremely hard, the mist would thin and she could make out life beyond her confusing realm.

There was a noise that sounded like crying. Natalie couldn't tell who was next to her, nor who was comforting the crying person.

"It'll be alright...she'll wake up..."

More fog. Who will wake up? Were the strange people beyond her reach talking about her? Certainly they were...but in that case, what was so wrong with her that they were that worried?

These short clearings of Natalie's mind were few and far between. It seemed like ages before she was able to see past the fog for more than a few seconds. When those seconds turned into minutes, she realized that she might be past the misty world that she had lived in for so long. She blinked and opened her eyes fully, taking in her surroundings.

The hospital wing, obviously. She was lying in an obsessively clean and white linen-ed bed placed in an extremely large and wide open area of the castle. Windows that were the length of the floor to the ceiling lined the walls, but the light streaming from them was currently muted by long curtains.

Natalie went to lift her head up but a series of sharp pains through her body made her lie back on her bed. Her head was throbbing uncontrollably, the left side of her face and shoulder were stinging as if they were on fire, and her limbs were sore from the overuse of her muscles.

Slightly out of breath from the shock of her newly found injuries, she waited a moment to gather her strength and tried to sit up again. The second attempt was not much more successful than the first, except for the fact that she made an involuntary squealing noise from the pain and effort of trying to do something so simple.

"What are you doing?"

Natalie tried to look to her right to see who was speaking to her, but the blinding headache that had now overtaken her brain made it so movement of her head was near impossible.

A face appeared over hers. Seeing the sandy hair falling over the tired and worried eyes of the pale boy in front of her was like being able to take a breath of fresh air after being underwater for far too long.

"Remus," she croaked, her vocal cords having been out of use for so long.

"You mustn't exert yourself, Natalie, you're far too injured," he said, pushing her shoulders back onto the bed under her with a caring force.

"I noticed," she said quietly.

He looked at her steadily and she noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

"You look sick," she noted.

"As do you," he mocked. "Don't worry about me."

"You're my friend, I'll worry about you if I please."

Remus' gaze hesitated and then broke away from hers. He placed his head in his hands and heaved a deep sigh.

"What's wrong?" Natalie asked, concerned and confused about why he seemed so distraught. Surely her accident wasn't the cause of him acting in such a way?

It took him a moment to answer her, but when he did his voice was muffled and sad.

"I'm sorry, Nat," he said into his hands.

Her brows furrowed, she asked, "What for? I'm alright now, just a bit sore. It wasn't your fault, what happened. Just a freak accident."

Remus' head shot up from his hands, his eyes finding hers immediately. It was as if he was trying to search her brain for something; he was staring at her for so long it started to make her a bit uncomfortable.

After a long moment, he spoke first. "You have no idea, do you?"

"No idea of what?" Natalie asked, now becoming exasperated.

He got up from the chair next to her bed abruptly, his mouth open slightly in what Natalie could only imagine was shock, though she didn't know what from.

"I'll be right back," he said shortly. "You stay here."

"Where else could I go?" she shouted after him as he stormed from the Hospital Wing

Remus started running after descending the first staircase that lead down to the Great Hall. When he reached the Entrance Hall he could hear the low rumble of many students gathered in one place and followed the noise until he reached the opening into the Great Hall where the majority of the students in the castle were enjoying a late lunch on the last day of their weekend.

He didn't stop running until he reached the far end of the Gryffindor table where he found his three friends sitting together picking at nearly full plates of food, barely talking to one another. James had been to visit Natalie nearly as many times as Remus had over the last few days. She had been unconscious for the majority of the time, though they knew she had moments of clarity here and there. Peter had been to see her once or twice, though the two weren't great friends which meant his visit was mostly spent standing a few feet away while James visited. Sirius hadn't visited her once.

Remus stopped where his friends were, but did not sit down with them. They looked up once they heard the labored breathing of someone who just ran a great length of castle and made curious gazes at their friend.

"She's awake," Remus panted, pushing his slightly overgrown hair out of his eyes.

James stood up, pushing his plate away from him as he did. "How is she?"

Sirius made a motion that looked as if he was about to stand, but was obviously having some sort of internal struggle with himself, and stayed sitting. However, he looked at Remus intently, willing him to give some sort of information about Natalie.

Remus looked at the two of them and sighed, not knowing how to handle the current situation at all. "She doesn't know it was us," he said simply.

Sirius stood up at his words, and it was he that spoke first, to Remus and James' surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she has no idea that it was the four of us that night. She has no idea that it was," Remus lowered his voice and turned his head to make sure no one was eavesdropping, "me that attacked her."

"How does she not know? That's the only reason she would have been down on the grounds that night, wouldn't it? If she figured everything out and wanted to see for herself?" James asked.

"Apparently we thought wrong," Remus said running a hand down his face, feeling the exhaustion hit him once more, as it had many times over the past few days.

"We've got to go talk to her about this, right now," James finalized, starting to move towards the doors to the Entrance Hall.

James and Remus stopped and turned around when they didn't hear Sirius' footsteps behind them.

"Padfoot come on," Remus tempted.

Sirius stayed silent and unmoving, having another silent struggle with himself.

James was fed up. "Sirius," he started, making his friend pay close attention as he never used his actual name. "You haven't been to see her at all since it happened. I know you're caught up between feeling guilty and hating her or whatever's going on in your daft head, but suck it up because she's sitting up there feeling confused and we need to help her through this."

James' eyes bore into Sirius'. A quick moment passed between the friends before Sirius started to walk up the Gryffindor table beside them, through the Entrance Hall and up towards the Hospital Wing.

Natalie had sat in her temporary bed with her arms by her side, hardly moving, for what seemed like hours before she heard the large doors of the wing open again. Moving her head slowly, learning from her past mistakes, she saw Remus, James, and to her slight surprise Sirius walking toward her bed.

"What did you go and get them for?" she directed her question toward Remus.

"Nat, we've got to talk to you about what happened," James said gently, pulling up extra chairs for him and Sirius.

The three boys sat around her bed and she looked at them curiously. "What do you remember, exactly?" James asked.

Natalie hesitated, knowing the story would sound incredibly fake. She felt a hint embarrassed to have to relay the story in front of Sirius, for he was surely still angry with her and would think she was being ridiculous. He wouldn't meet her eyes.

"I was studying under the tree-" she started, but Remus cut her off.

"Why were you studying outside so late at night?"

"There were no quiet spots inside the castle," she said, a note of defiance in her voice. "It was fine for a while, but that's when..."

Should she lie? No, what kind of lie would she be able to come up with on the spot that wouldn't sound as crazed as the truth? Besides, she'd hesitated for so long now that the boys would have no trouble telling she was faking. So, with no other options but thoroughly embarrassing herself, she told the truth.

"The rumors about werewolves living in the forest must be true, because I saw one that night. It's not what attacked me, that was a giant black dog, but still. And I never knew werewolves had animal friends, either. There was a deer there, too. It was all very odd, really."

The rambling made Natalie feel a bit better, as if she had gotten something irksome off her chest. She heaved a sigh of relief until she saw the three faces staring back at her.

"Well, I know it sounds asinine but it is the truth," she said stubbornly.

"It was a stag, actually," James said.

Natalie thought he was being funny until she remembered that he hadn't been there. "How would you know, have you seen them before?" she asked with pure curiosity.

"Nat," James said, looking her directly in the eyes, "we are them."

Silence so absolute that one could her students fumbling floors beneath them filled the room. We are them? They were who? They couldn't possibly be saying that they were...no, it couldn't be...

"What?" was all that she could muster between the sudden influxes of her thoughts.

James sighed. "I'm the stag you saw. Sirius is the dog. And..." he hesitated.

"Remus is the werewolf," Natalie finished his sentence for him.

The room was silent once more. Her brain couldn't seem to keep up with the train of thought speeding around behind her eyes. No wonder he always looked so sick, especially, she now realized, around the time of the full moon.

Remus interrupted her internal ramblings. With a hand extended out over hers, he said, for the second time that day, "I'm so sorry, Natalie."

And again, for the second time, Natalie asked, "What for?"

He stared at her, dumbfounded, as if she had just said something extremely unintelligent. "What do you mean 'what for'? We've just explained to you what really happened, that's what for."

"That's great and all, but you're not the one who hurt me, are you? You didn't do anything but chase me around and give me a bit of a scare." Natalie was, of course, angry at no one in the situation, as she believed it was truly a freak accident, even after learning everything about her friends. Nevertheless, her comment placed a large elephant right in the center of the room, as all four of them were perfectly well aware of who did hurt her.

The boys left shortly afterwards with promises from James and Remus to return the following day. This meant that Natalie was left to herself for her first night of being conscious since the attack. Hardly tired from having slept through several days, she entertained herself by memorizing the new scars that had taken residence on her body. She didn't mind them, really. Insane though it may have sounded, she found them anything but ugly. On the contrary, once she got past the pain of the still open wounds covered in essence of murtlap, she found them quite interesting. True, she hadn't really taken a look at them, but she could feel them. They took her fingertips on a rollercoaster ride; they started at her jawline, four lines that curved down her neck, just missing any major veins, and then four tapered down to three as the dog realized what was happening and tried to pull away, its claws leaving deep lines following the length of her collarbone and shoulder.

The sounds of the Hospital Wing doors clicking open snapped Natalie back into reality. Her eyes flicked to her right just in time to see a head of dark curly hair highlighted by the soft rays of moonlight sneaking through the now loosely curtained windows. She allowed her eyes to follow the man's path all the way to her bedside, and then to make contact with his, gray and always full of emotion.

The silence between Natalie and Sirius was deafening. After a few moments she could no longer take the awkwardness and spoke first.

"Why are you here?"

He hesitated at her abruptness. "I wanted to make sure you're okay," Sirius said lamely.

Willing herself not to roll her eyes, Natalie replied, "I told everyone earlier that I was. You were there, you heard."

"Yeah I also heard everything else you said.

She knew this was about blaming him over Remus. She was opening her mouth to explain to him that she was not mad when he cut her off and said, "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know you didn't, I felt you try to pull away."

Sirius looked at her plainly. "I would never try to hurt you."

Natalie knew he was willing her to understand the full weight of his words. She did, knew that he meant that he never intended to end their relationship the way he did, perhaps that he meant he never wanted to leave her at all. She knew all of this, yet could not bring herself to tell him the truth about anything; not about the fact that she left Jason for him, or that she still had feelings for him, or that she so longed to reach out and stroke his dark, soft hair.

She thought for a moment that she had spoken that last bit aloud, for Sirius had suddenly leaned in closer to her. Natalie smelled him before she felt him; that scent of something woody she now recognized as being from his frequent runs into the forest; that scent that always reminded her of mischief but gave her comfort all in the same breath. As she filled her lungs, his lips met hers and she left the Hospital Wing for a land much more exciting. This was a land where the only two inhabitants were she and Sirius, one where she felt alive and exhilarated and jubilant and calm all at once.

And then she landed, her lips warm and her skin tingling, back in the castle. She opened her eyes and was not surprised to see Sirius' back toward her, walking brusquely toward the doors.

"This doesn't change anything, does it?" Natalie asked, not bothering to hide the slight hoarseness that had entered her throat. After all, it wasn't the first time he had heard her like that.

He stopped but did not turn to face her. She saw his shoulders rise and fall in a sigh before he replied, quietly, as if he didn't really want her to hear, "No."


	14. Chapter 14

Natalie was released from the Hospital Wing only a few days before the Christmas holiday was set to start. Her teachers had been given slightly vague details of her sick leave from the headmaster, and they were all very sympathetic and understanding. With a promise from all of them that she would be able to finish the work she missed over the holiday, she allowed herself to relax and recover in the castle before the holiday started instead of driving herself crazy trying to work on the load of homework she had waiting for her.

The snow had started finally, as the students had been expecting it for days before it made its appearance on the Friday afternoon before half of the castle went back to their homes to enjoy the holidays with their families. Natalie was sitting in the Great Hall, a plate full of delicious steak and bread in front of her, accompanied by a steaming hot bowl of creamy chicken soup, set in front of her. As she dipped a piece of crispy bread into the soup, chewing slowly, she stared up at the enchanted ceiling and gazed at the snow falling over the table, the thick snowflakes floating dreamily just over the student's plates and then disappearing.

When she looked back down from the ceiling, intending to take another bite of food, she saw James sitting next to her, watching her patiently. Slightly startled, she scolded him for scaring her in her fragile state.

Apologizing, he said, "How's the healing coming along?"

"I'm a bit sore," she said, pushing around some crumbs on her emptying plate, "but alright otherwise."

"Going home for the holidays?" he asked, making friendly conversation while stealing a piece of steak from in front of her.

"Yes," she responded, stealing it back from him right before he put it in his mouth, and eating it herself

"Got any plans?" he asked again, taking another piece of food and eating it quickly before Natalie could stop him.

"No," she answered truthfully. "I'll most likely be catching up on all the homework I owe. Perhaps eat a frozen dinner."

"Your mum doesn't cook?"

"My mum won't be home," she said.

James stopped moving and stared at her as if she were crazy. "You'll be home alone on Christmas?"

"Most of the holiday I will be, actually. It's a very busy time for Muggles; my mother usually works as much as she possibly can."

For the past few years, once Natalie's mother landed the factory job, she had indeed spent her Christmas holidays alone, for the exception of Jason's few visits. This year, though, she wouldn't have that to rely on. She would spend the days doing homework and reading through textbooks, starting her studying early for finals; the nights she would spend scrounging for food and watching the television, laughing at the Muggle programs and their stupidity. It was lonesome, and she longed to go back to the castle by the end of the holiday, but she didn't mind it too much.

"You can't be alone on Christmas," James said, as if he was stating the obvious.

"I'd rather be alone in my own home than alone here," she told him, fact-like.

He was silent for a moment, thinking things inside his own mind that Natalie couldn't see, though she would admit that she was interested. When he spoke again, it was plain that he had already made a decision on the matter, and that he would not accept any thoughts from Natalie unless they agreed with his own.

"You'll spend Christmas with me and my family, then."

Though she was touched by his act of friendship, as she had never really experienced anything of that nature before, she immediately turned his offer down. "No, no, really I'll be fine on my own. I do it every year."

"Come on," he pleaded, "its loads of fun. My parents can tell you all sorts of embarrassing stories about me. And there's always a ton of food, my mum's a great cook."

"I don't want to be a bother to your parents," she started, but James cut her off.

"You wouldn't be a bother. My dad wouldn't let my mum have any more kids after they'd seen what I was like, so they love having people over. My dad plays exploding snap with all of us, it's quite fun."

Even though James hadn't said it directly, Natalie was good enough at reading between the lines to realize that the rest of the Marauders were more than likely to be spending the day at the Potter's house. If Natalie went as well, with Sirius in the same room the entire night, she knew it would be the most awkward thing for everyone in the situation.

"I can't," she told James.

"Why?" he asked, quite saddened by her refusal.

Natalie sighed, already exhausted with the conversation. "Sirius will be there, won't he?"

"Nat," he started, "if you'd just let me tell him-"

"No, James. I've told you before, I don't want him knowing," she said, her voice stern. "And your house is his, too, so it would be rude if I was there while he was."

"He won't be!" James almost yelled. "He won't be back to our house until late that night. He's going to try and make contact with his brother, though I don't see how it'll be much help. The little bugger's already ruined."

Natalie was still hesitant. James saw this and pleaded again, assuring her that it wouldn't be awkward at all, that it would only be fun and that he really wanted her to come.

"Alright, I'll go," she said, exasperated at his attempts and finally giving in.

"Good," he said, smiling at his win. "You can't apparate yet, can you?"

"I'll be able to on the 21st."

She knew how, of course, she was one of the very first people to be able to apparate during their lessons, but it was not legal for her to do so until a few days into the holiday, when her birthday would be taking place.

"Well I know where you live, Sirius took me past your house once last summer," he said, ignoring the look of utter surprise on Natalie's face, "so I'll come get you since you don't know where I live and then you can apparate back yourself whenever you want."

Satisfied with himself, he strode out of the Great Hall leaving Natalie sitting alone at the Ravenclaw table wondering what she had just gotten herself into.

The streets of London were covered in a thick covering of the whitest snow; pure like a newly hatched dove, and as quiet. It glistened in the places untouched by human interference, almost glittering in the rays of dying sunlight. Acting as a blanket, it kept the world from suffering from the below freezing temperatures and cast a peaceful silence upon the houses it surrounded. Drifting slowly, it covered everything from park benches to people's homes, making them look dream-like, as if they were just plucked out of a children's Christmas tale.

Natalie was standing on her front porch, having discretely removed the wet snow with her wand. Her birthday was a few days prior, and she found a whole new world of magic having turned the legalizing age of 17. Bundled in several layers of socks, shirts, pants, and her thickest sweater, she held a cold hand up to her nose, attempting to lessen the numbness spreading across her face. She was staring out into the distance, listening for the ever familiar pop of someone apparating close by and waiting for her friend to come collect her.

She was concentrating so intently that she hardly noticed someone walking up her drive until she saw them out of the corner of her eye when they appeared at the step below her. Jumping slightly from surprise, Natalie made eye contact with someone she was quite hoping to avoid during her holiday home.

"Natalie," came a cold voice from a face with sandy blonde hair and plain brown eyes. "It's been too long."

Jason had clearly just come from his warm home because Natalie noticed his face was not pink from cold as hers surely was. Feeling marginally self-conscious, mostly from embarrassment at the way she had ended things with him, she pulled her sweater tighter across her body, doing nothing to shield her presence from him.

"What are you doing here, Jason?" she asked, hoping he would take the hint that she didn't want him there and leave.

"Well, I saw you standing here alone and thought I'd come say hello. We do usually see each other over the holiday," he said, as if he was stating something completely obvious.

"Yes, when we were together," Natalie retorted in the same tone of voice, becoming irritated.

Jason looked at her for a moment, his mouth shut tight in a straight line that indicated the anger brewing beneath his annoyingly pale brown turtleneck. "I was hoping we'd forget about that little indiscretion on your part. But if you insist on bringing it up, I suppose we may talk about it."

Natalie was infuriated. Was Jason pretending they were still a couple? She took a lot of mistreatment from him at times, but now that he was not part of her present life anymore, she didn't feel the need to keep her thoughts to herself. She was no longer attached to him; she no longer needed to listen to his lectures about her behavior or anything else he felt the need to comment on.

"Indiscretion?" she asked, taking a step toward him, just barely a head taller as she stood on the stoop above him. "I broke it off with you. You can't just choose to ignore it. I've ended our relationship, and I did it a while ago."

"It is a mistake on your part to make such a rash decision on what will only be a temporary feeling," he said stuffily, overlooking everything Natalie had just said.

"Well it is my mistake to make, you have no choice in the matter," she told him forcefully.

Jason reached out and grabbed her wrist tightly, cutting off circulation almost immediately. Natalie tried to take a step back, attempting to pull her wrist from his grip but he was too strong. "You will do as I say, Natalie," he threatened, and was about to say something else before he was cut off by someone at the end of the driveway.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Natalie turned her head quickly and looked over Jason's shoulder to see James and Remus coming up the walkway toward her. Remus looked furious, his lightly colored brown eyes narrowed at Jason, an intense concentration on his face that reminded her of the wolf hiding inside him. James looked, if at all possible, angrier than the ferociousness seen on Remus' face. However, his eyes were on Natalie instead of the man holding her still. The two stopped a few paces before reaching Jason, both sliding their hands into their pockets where Natalie knew their wands were stored, waiting at the ready to use them if the circumstance called for it.

"Let her go," James said, his voice calm and contrasting shockingly with the viscous anger in his eyes.

Jason took in James and Remus' appearances slowly, narrowing his eyes at the fact that they were hiding their hands and turning his nose up at Remus' shabby clothing and James' messy black hair. He turned back to Natalie and sneered. "Is that him, then? The handsome dark haired boy you were seeing all summer?"

"And what if I am?" James asked, stepping forward slowly, barely noticeable, not letting Natalie answer.

She stayed silent. Jason raised his eyebrow at James and turned to face him, not letting go of his strong grip on her arm. She could feel a bruise forming quickly. "Well, congratulations then. Not many people would have stayed with someone who cheated on them for so long. It certainly says something about your character..."

James stared unwaveringly at Jason, not letting his insults affect him in the slightest. He said again, "let her go."

Looking down at his hand clenched around Natalie's wrist, he let go and ran the hand through his slicked back hair. Natalie cradled her wrist and rubbed it vigorously, trying to get feeling back to her fingers.

"We will see each other again, no doubt," Jason said to her, using a tone of voice that Natalie knew was a threatening one.

"Don't count on it," Remus chimed in, still eyeing Jason with a look of pure loathing.

Jason smoothed his shirt by running both hands down his chest and locked his hands together behind his back. Starting to walk away, he looked at James and Remus with disgust. He had to push his way through the two men as they would not move to let him through, and he walked away irritated.

When Jason was out of sight the boys dropped their intimidating faces and rushed to see if Natalie was okay. Remus rubbed her shoulder comfortingly while James grabbed a handful of icy snow and held it to her wrist.

"I'm alright, really. It's just a bit red," she said, shooing them away from her hand and looking them both in the eyes. "Thank you."

The boys both knew she was referring to them handling the situation from before. They both nodded, not wanting to be invasive by asking her any questions. Instead, James simply took her hand and turned quickly on the spot, sending the two of them through a tight, oxygen depraved flight through space and landing on the other side right outside James' house, Remus appearing next to them a second later.

James' house was big and beautiful. Located on a lonely street somewhere outside London, Natalie could see the spacious yard under the blanket of snow and wondered what it was used for when it was warm and full of lush green grass. She could picture James and Sirius flying brooms in the backyard, running into the quaint green door in the front of the lightly colored house when they became too tired.

Upon entering, Natalie was immediately bathed in warmth. There was a large fireplace in the middle of a sitting area that filled the entire house in a sleepy comfort along with the wintery smell of burning logs. As she moved deeper into James' home she also smelled the unmistakable scent of warm cider and cinnamon, hopefully meaning that James' mother was baking some sort of deliciously warm dessert.

"Mum, Dad," James called as they entered the bright and welcoming kitchen, "we're back!"

James was an impressive mix of both of his parents. His mother, smiling a rosy cheeked smile from behind a set of pans boiling in midair with different foods splashing in and out, had most obviously given James her kind and caring eyes with the addition of the necessity for glasses. She bustled over to Natalie and gave her a tight hug, saying, "Hello, dear, we've heard so much about you!"

His father was the person James got his dark hair and glasses from, though his hair was neat and parted perfectly compared to his son's untidiness. He raised his head from behind a copy of the Daily Prophet and greeted Natalie just as warmly as his wife, though without the hugging.

"Please, have a seat children, supper is almost ready," Mrs. Potter ushered James, Remus and Natalie to a large and beautiful wooden table, with the grain creating interesting lines and curves that Natalie let her eyes follow for just a moment.

The food was remarkable, far better than any cooking Natalie had ever experienced, and there was so much. It was almost comparable to a Hogwarts feast as there were so many options. Natalie filled her plate and her stomach with lamb, sausages, potatoes, beans, leafy salads, delectable sauces, rolls that she promised herself she would only have one more of, and several different kinds of casseroles until she was certain that she could no longer fit one more morsel of food into her body.

She was enjoying herself, truly having a nice time, for the first time in what seemed like ages. Once dessert and tea was served, Mrs. Potter setting cakes, cookies and trifles down across the small table in the sitting room, she delighted in listening to James and Remus sharing stories of their first term at school, chiming in occasionally when she felt her opinion would be appreciated.

When the door in the front of the house opened, Natalie didn't even remember that she wasn't in her own home, that there was one other person who lived in the house that she knew wouldn't be happy with her company.

Sirius followed the voices into the sitting room, looking weather worn and tired. His face lightened when he saw the Potters and Remus and started taking off his heavy jacket before he noticed Natalie sitting in the arm chair beside him.

She was avoiding everyone's eye contact, a wave of blood rushing up to her cheeks, thoroughly embarrassed. Certainly Sirius was close enough with James' parents to have told them all about their relationship. What were they thinking at that moment? She thought she had made a nice impression on them, but of course they would be more protective over someone they thought of as their own son. Natalie put down her half empty glass of tea quietly and got out of her chair, making her way towards the coat closet to retrieve her things.

There was whispering from the other room. She heard scuffling of shoes and Sirius saying, "What is she doing here?" It was almost a guarantee that James would try to get her to stay. Wanting to avoid an awkward confrontation, she exited the house quietly, pulling the door closed behind her and disapparated on the front porch.

The snow under her feet muffled the sound of her hitting the ground, sending some of it flying up into the air. It created a dream-like look of glistening air around Natalie, but she did not stay in one spot to watch it fall back to the ground again.

Natalie had apparated a block from her home, knowing full well that Jason would be looking for any sign of her. She started walking in the direction of her house, her feet pounding the snow under her into flat piles of what would become ice in a few hours' time. The wind was picking up, sending her long locks of blonde hair flying in every direction. As she tried to pull it all back into one place to attempt to get her hood up she heard someone behind her.

"Hey!"

It was hard to hear over the oncoming blizzard, but the noise was unmistakably another human. Natalie turned around and, to her great surprise, saw Sirius' dark head bounding toward her, his curls matted down under the wet snow falling ever harder over both of their heads.

He stopped at arm's length in front of her, his brows furrowed in an emotion that Natalie found hard to pinpoint. She had her arms wrapped tightly around herself, sheltering her as much as she could from the thick snowflakes falling around her. Sirius stood with his hands at his sides, not caring for even a second about the cold.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he said loudly, making sure he was heard over the whistling wind.

Natalie was taken aback. It took her a moment to get her vocal cords to work, but when she did, she retorted, "James promised he wouldn't say anything."

"Well I'm glad he did. You should have told me," Sirius yelled, leaving his sentence without a real ending.

Not knowing what to say, her mind reeling, she could do nothing more than turn around and continue walking in the direction of her home, her hair whipping her face in the wild winds. She felt a hand on her wrist turning her around, the same one that Jason had harassed earlier. Sirius' touch was gentle, however, and Natalie could feel the warmth of his fingers despite the bitter cold that was introducing itself into the atmosphere. She looked up into his eyes, the eyes she constantly wished she could dive into and feel safe and loved forever.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, desperation on his face, wanting to know the answer to everything he was questioning in his mind.

"You made your decision without me telling you anything."

Sirius looked at her, taking in everything about her appearance at that moment. Her blonde hair flying around her face, almost ethereal but still beautiful, her skin, pale and flushed from the cold, her blue eyes boring into his own. He wanted to hold her in his arms, to keep her warm and to feel her heart beat in time with his. Before he had formulated a sentence in his mind, his lips said, "I made the wrong one."

Natalie's breath caught in her throat. Though her skin was cold, her insides were boiling. She wasted no time, not bothering to give Sirius any answer to his words. She stepped close to him and hoisted herself onto her toes, giving her enough height to wrap her hand around the back of his neck and pull his lips onto hers. She could feel him smile and kiss her back eagerly, the both of them realizing how much they missed the other's touch.

They ran back to Natalie's empty house, not bothering to hide themselves from the potential of Jason's prying eyes. As she locked the door behind them, Sirius pulled her into his arms, not wanting to waste one moment without her close to him. They were a sight to see, damp from the falling snow, bundled in a hodgepodge of their warmest clothing, but neither of them could spare a moment to care about their appearances.

They wanted nothing more than to be in each other's embrace. Natalie's hands found Sirius' hair, his cheeks, the zipper of his jacket. Soon enough the two of them were in their normal clothing, drenched in sweat from the heat of the house mixed with the heat from their layers mixed with the heat from each other. Their embrace was rough, Sirius holding Natalie to him by the small of her back, his hand pressing hard into her skin and Natalie making sure Sirius wasn't able to leave her lips by holding his head in place with her hand on the back of his neck. Rough, but adoring.

Natalie and Sirius were lost in each other, the white wonderland of the outside world an unimportant detail of their time together. Not even when they found the staircase and climbed their way to the second floor did they break contact with each other. The latch catching as a door was locked, the creak of a bedspring, and two became one for the first time.


	15. Chapter 15

Time is a fickle beast. When awaiting something dreadful it seems to creep by slowly, agonizingly, but when simply content with the world it is the complete opposite, flying at break-neck speeds. It was almost as if in a blink of an eye that the winter holidays had just finished when, all of a sudden, it was only a few weeks before the end of the school year altogether.

Natalie and Sirius were in love. No, 'in love' couldn't possibly express their feelings for each other. They were obsessed, eye-gazing, always-snogging, wait-for-each-other-after-class in love, and that barely scratched the surface. The two of them spent every waking moment that wasn't spent in class or sleeping together; where one was, rest assured that the other wouldn't be far behind.

And while a large majority of the time was indeed spend snogging in the broom closet, or an empty hallway or classroom, or sometimes even the end of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall (which was promptly stopped by whichever teacher was nearest), Natalie and Sirius talked as well. About everything, really. Classes, friends, family, the future.

The future was something Sirius loved to talk about. He would ramble on for what seemed like forever, and about everything he had ever wanted or dreamed about having in his life after Hogwarts.

"I want to be an Auror, but I don't think I've got the marks for it," he told Natalie one beautiful May afternoon as they sat on the steps of a secluded exit of the castle.

The grounds were calm and quiet, and happy. The grass was back to its vibrant green color, which was inviting after the cold and dreary winter. Leaves were back on the branches of trees, giving homes to birds and critters alike; the rustling sound of leaves and creatures in the wind was like music to Natalie's ears as her hair fluttered softly around her shoulders.

"I'm sure you'll get wonderful marks," she responded, not paying any close attention to the conversation.

"If I do it'll only be because I've copied off of everyone else," he said gloomily. "What do you want to do, anyway?"

She leaned back on her elbows and let her head fall back, her hair so long that it brushed the steps. "Journalism, I think. Or something like it. McGonagall gave me some reading material and a few contacts at the Daily Prophet. She says I'd be a good fit, that I've got a bit to offer them."

"Well that's great!" Sirius exclaimed, overly excited in Natalie's opinion. "We can get flats in London, since that's where the Ministry and the Prophet both are. Plus," he said, scooting closer to her and putting an arm around her waist, "we'd be close to each other. Perhaps we'd be neighbors?"

Natalie giggled and let her body relax next to his. "We're practically neighbors right now, there wouldn't be much of a difference."

He rolled his eyes. "Please, we'd have so much more freedom. You'll be able to sleep over at my place and you definitely can't do that here."

"Who says I'll be sleeping at your place?" she questioned, jokingly. "I'll have my own flat with my own perfectly good bed."

Sirius tickled her with the hand holding her waist, knowing she was teasing him. "Very funny."

Final exams were to be held the second to last week of school. Natalie had been studying extremely hard, knowing that to be successful outside of Hogwarts, she needed top marks in every subject that she elected to take during her last year. After speaking to McGonagall about her career aspirations, it was very clear that, upon passing her subjects with flying colors, that there would be no reason at all that the Daily Prophet wouldn't hire her.

She had always been very good at spells, from both Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts, though that had next to nothing to do with journalism. No, it would be her prowess at writing, creating a story with just the tip of a quill and her mind. She would be submitting her very best essays to the Daily Prophet Editor in Chief after her graduation, in addition to her many complex star charts, to show that she was able to write a good article about anything and everything.

The Friday before the last weekend at school was the last day of testing. Everything had gone according to plan for Natalie and her friends, thus putting them all in a very good mood after their Care of Magical Creatures exam. As they made their way, slowly, up to the castle for a few hours break before their last exam, Natalie noticed that Sirius and James had fallen behind. They had their heads bowed low and were whispering, as if not wanting the others to hear them.

Natalie stopped, intending to walk back to where they were, but Sirius noticed her lack of movement. Muttering something to James, they both quickened their pace and took their places again with the rest of the group. Natalie looked up suspiciously at Sirius as he took her hand in his, walking next to her as they reached the top of the hill and saw the steps to the Entrance Hall.

"Later, I promise," he said quietly, with sincerity in his eyes.

Though she was still wary, she made herself forget about it for the time being.

The meals had been amplified times a thousand during the testing week, so that the staff was able to ensure that the students were getting plenty of food and drink before, in between, and after their exams. There had been large plates of eggs and morning sausages, vats of porridge, jugs of milk and juices, and towers of fresh fruit for breakfast every morning. Lunch consisted of piles of cold meats for sandwiches, delicious cooked, steamed, grilled and raw vegetables of every variety imaginable, bowls upon bowls of piping hot soups and a thousand different kinds of bread to dip in them. But supper was the most exciting, as everyone, including teachers, were starved from exerting so much brain power during the day. There were meats, hearty and lean, seasoned and marinated, baked, grilled, broiled, diced, chopped, fileted. There was seafood galore; beautiful cuts of salmon, halibut, and tuna, next to plates of shrimp, big and small, on skewers adorned with onions and peppers. Any type of potato one could think of, mashed, boiled, baked, julienned, sautéed, was on the tables, which almost seemed to creak under the weight of so much food.

And the dessert was to die for. Pies in every color, cakes in every size, giant bowls of ice creams, tiers of tarts and chocolates made it so every student forced themselves to make room for just one more bite.

As was usual over the past week, Natalie left the Great Hall stuffed and sleepy. She was on her way to the Ravenclaw common room to do a bit of last minute studying for her Defense Against the Dark Arts exam when Sirius caught up to her and pulled her into an empty classroom. The world outside the castle was starting to get darker as the hours dragged on. The classroom was getting steadily darker as well, as the oil lamps had all been extinguished by the last user.

"Sorry about earlier," Sirius started, closing the door behind him and turning to face Natalie.

"What were you two whispering about?" she asked, not caring if it was a secret.

"Well that's why I brought you in here. It involves you. And the others, Remus and Peter, that is."

"What, are you planning a surprise party?" she joked, finding a seat and getting comfortable.

Sirius chuckled and pushed a hand through his hair, sending loose, dark curls falling all over his head. "No, it's a bit more serious than that."

He moved closer to her end of the classroom and sat down in an empty chair next to her. Taking another deep breath, he started.

"We're graduating in a week," he said, looking at her. "We have to go out into the world and start our lives in only a few days."

Natalie's brows furrowed together in confusion. Yes, she knew all of these things, what was his point? She knew he wanted to live close to each other, but...he couldn't possibly be trying to suggest something more?

"Your point?" she asked, trying not to be sarcastic.

Without rolling his eyes or making a joke, Sirius replied, "James and I aren't going to become Aurors."

Natalie sighed in exhaustion. "I'm sure you did fine on your exams and will be able to get a job. There's no need to be so down on yourself."

This time Sirius did roll his eyes and grabbed Natalie's hand to regain her attention. "That's not what I'm talking about. We, James and I, heard another seventh year talking about this...I dunno, secret organization, I suppose. We want to join."

"What kind of 'secret organization'? Like a cult?" she asked in a mocking tone.

"No. The kind that's fighting those people that keep making headlines."

Emotions hit Natalie like a speeding train. She blinked, trying to make sense of his last comment. There had been a group of people that had been on the front page of the Daily Prophet for months and months, a group that was growing larger and causing more damage day to day.

Sirius interrupted her thoughts. "It's getting worse. They're gaining more people and getting stronger. There are way more killings now than there were at the beginning of the year. They need to be stopped."

"By you?" she asked, suddenly overcome with many things; fear, sadness, confusion, anger.

"Not only me," he said, but Natalie got out of her seat and started across the room. He jumped up and touched her arm lightly, causing her to turn around and look into his eyes. "Listen to me, Nat. It's all very dark and quiet but from what I've found out, Dumbledore runs the thing. He's got almost twenty people recruited so far and he's looking for anyone of age that wants to fight and make a difference."

Natalie took everything in while staring into those gray pools that somehow kept her calm. He sat her back down and continued talking.

"James is trying to convince Lily to go, and Peter will say yes the moment we ask. But I want you to come with as well. It doesn't pay, so we'll have to get small jobs, but we could stop these people."

She simply stared at him, unable to talk, to make coherent thoughts, to do anything but remind herself to breath. In a way, she was right, he was suggesting much more than moving within a block radius of each other.

"Think about it. Take as much time as you need, really," he added, knowing that the last time he told her to think about things it ended in them breaking up.

He lifted himself out of the seat, kissed her lightly on the forehead and left her alone in the dark, cold classroom.

Natalie sat in the classroom until she noticed it was time for her final exam. Walking through the hallways felt like a blur. Her body was on autopilot and she didn't come to until she was halfway through the written part of her Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. She tried her hardest to recollect any and all information she learned from the past year, but the only thing she could think about was Sirius' proposition.

This group of people were indeed growing larger. Though the public couldn't tell exactly, it seemed as though their ranks had grown to fifty, or possibly more. Their leader was a then nameless, faceless being. And even though no one knew what he looked like or who he was, everyone was certain that he was truly evil.

The amount of attacks on Muggles and Muggleborns had significantly increased over the months that these people had become active. It was apparent that their main goal was to cleanse the wizarding population of anything they deemed impure. Even half-bloods, people who were born to a wizard parent and a Muggle parent, were often seen as not good enough or even as blood traitors if they decided to make friends with the wrong people.

As witches and wizards, this group was able to wreak havoc like nothing anyone had ever seen. Yes, there had been dark wizards to run the earth before then, but a group as massive as this had never gone so far. The Daily Prophet had a headline on their front page almost every day having to do with the damage they were inflicting; buildings falling to the ground in a heap of dust with no survivors, homes of wizarding families going up in flames with no survivors, people being attacked on their way home from work with no survivors.

Natalie saw every headline, every article, every photograph. Though she was under the protection of the staff and security at Hogwarts, she knew that things would be vastly different once she was out on her own. The future frightened her beyond comprehension. And now, with Sirius wanting her to do something so incredibly risky, she could hardly stop herself from shaking with fear in the middle of the night.

He hadn't brought it up again, which gave Natalie much more time to think about her decision. With the stress of exams over, everyone's spirits were much higher. It seemed, as far as Natalie could tell, that Lily Evans had agreed to go with them to this secret society, as she and James' new relationship was closer than ever.

Natalie and Sirius', however, was becoming more distant. She couldn't help it; no matter how hard she tried to ignore her thoughts for just a little while as she spent time with Sirius, she couldn't stop them from rushing into her head and flooding her brain.

Two days before the graduation ceremony for seventh years was to be held, Natalie was asked to meet Professor McGonagall in her office. As she walked the halls to the office, Natalie's thoughts were not on Sirius and his offer for the first time in almost a week. She was instead wondering what McGonagall could need to see her for. Perhaps she was going to give Natalie a few names to contact at the Daily Prophet.

Entering McGonagall's office after a few soft knocks and a 'come in,' Natalie sat herself opposite the professor and her desk, folding her hands over her lap and waiting patiently for the reason she was told to come.

"Ms. Hill," McGonagall started, "I have the results from your exams."

McGonagall was a straight-to-the-point type of woman. She felt no need for niceties when something important was at hand. Natalie nodded, giving her whole and undivided attention to her professor.

"You did well on all but your last exam," she told Natalie in a gentle voice, perhaps hoping to lessen the blow she was about to deliver. "However, you nearly failed your Defense Against the Dark Arts written essay."

Natalie was speechless. How could she have failed? She studied so hard for all of her exams, it was impossible that she could have done so badly. Though, she thought to herself, that one was the exam right after Sirius had talked to her...

"Unfortunately, the Daily Prophet requires their staff to have achieved all of their NEWTs with superior marks. I will not be able to refer you to them for a job," McGonagall said, breaking into Natalie's thoughts in the nastiest way.

Once again, her whole world was a blur. She nearly failed her exam. She wouldn't get hired by the Daily Prophet. How did she get to her dorm? Natalie's head was swimming. What would she do now? Perhaps going with Sirius was the best thing to do, now that she had no prospective jobs waiting for her in the real world. Perhaps risking her life to fight bad guys and evil do-ers was what she was destined to do, especially now that she wasn't even good enough to pass an exam...

"Are you alright? I haven't seen you for almost the whole week."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Natalie said, not bothering to hide her defeated attitude.

Sirius sat down next to her in the Great Hall. The school was enjoying their last breakfast at the castle, as the Hogwarts Express would be taking everyone home the next day. Many of the seventh years were twittering excitedly, as they would be receiving their proof of graduation that night during the small ceremony that only seventh years and the staff were invited to.

"Nat, have you thought about what I said last week at all? We leave tomorrow," Sirius asked, keeping his voice low so as not to attract unwanted attention.

Natalie let out the breath she had been holding while he spoke. "Yes, I have."

"And?" he was clearly excited.

She hesitated. She had been dreading this moment since she had made her official decision only a day prior. The thought of putting her life on the line for something that seemed almost futile didn't make any sense to her. No, she would keep her head low and do her best to survive the terrible world that awaited her outside the doors of the Entrance Hall. But Natalie still didn't want to see the look on Sirius' face when she let him down.

"I'm not going to go," she said quietly, too sad to look at him.

Silence met her, yet still she did not move her eyes to his. She knew that he was thinking of something to say. She spoke again, not giving him a chance to voice his yet-to-be-formulated thoughts.

Quietly, she told him, "McGonagall gave me an excellent recommendation to the Prophet. They sent me an owl as soon as they got her letter. They want me to start working for them as soon as next week."

Natalie knew that she was lying through her teeth and she felt horrible about it, worse than the dirt that had no right to be stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. She had thought about it all week and had finally decided that lying to Sirius and her friends was easier than actually telling them the truth. Had she told Sirius the truth, he would have tried to convince her that she was silly for being so frightened, that nothing bad would happen to her. She knew these things to be lies, though. No one would be able to protect her if she chose to fight.

Sirius' disappointment faded slightly at her lie. Instead of thinking that she didn't want to go with him or be with him at all he was happy that she was able to get such a good job so quickly.

"I'm sorry," Natalie whispered, not knowing what was happening inside Sirius' head.

He let a small, almost sad, smile play on his lips. "Can we still be neighbors?"

The Hogwarts grounds were abuzz with countless sources of commotion. An early, spring sun bathed the grounds in pale yellows and oranges, lighting the student's paths to the carriages that would carry them into Hogsmeade village and finally to the Hogwarts Express, to be taken home once again. For some, the train will be waiting to take them back to school again in the fall. Others will never have the pleasure to ride it again, having graduated the night before.

Sirius, James, Remus, Peter and Lily had already arrived in Hogsmeade, the pleasant village alive and moving at such an early hour. No shops were open quite yet, but that didn't stop some of the younger students from looking into the windows, leaning so closely that their noses left smudge marks on the glass.

Natalie had caught the carriage behind her friends, as there wasn't quite enough room for six full grown bodies to fit into one. Really, there wasn't even room for five, but Peter wouldn't let himself be booted out, so Lily sat on James' lap, much to James' satisfaction.

The others waited for Natalie to arrive towards the main road that would lead to the train. They waited a few minutes, craning their necks over the crowd to try and catch a glimpse of their friends white blonde hair.

"Wasn't she just behind us?" James asked, jokingly attempting to climb onto Peter's shoulders with the excuse that he needed to see farther.

"I thought so," Remus said, with the common look of concern that was ever etched onto his pale face.

Natalie watched her friends search for her from behind a building, hidden in the morning shadows. She had decided just after graduation the night before what she would need to do to be able to leave the next morning.

She knew Sirius was really going to join the secret order that he had talked to her about. She knew that James, Remus and Peter would follow him anywhere, no matter the cost, no questions asked. She knew that as long as she stayed in contact with any of them, that she would be worse off from it.

Anyone who had read the Prophet within the last year knew what kind of people were lurking out in the wizarding world. Those people could kill an entire family without even thinking twice about it, they could tear down entire Muggle cities without flinching. Being Muggleborn herself, Natalie was already in a more dangerous position. She couldn't possibly fight against the war that was surely brewing, just waiting to blow up fully. She couldn't possibly be around Sirius or her friends while they were fighting against such a terrifying force.

And that's when she came to her decision. It was a difficult one, one that tore her up inside and one that she had second, third, and fourth thoughts about. However, it was the one that she knew she had to make. It was the decision that could potentially keep her alive.

Sirius was looking around the crowd for her as well. As silent, glassy tears started rolling down Natalie's cheeks, she saw the boy she loved look down at the ground, defeated.

Clearing his throat, he said, "She probably just got on the train before we caught her. Come on."

The others followed him towards the train, not thinking twice about why they really couldn't find Natalie. Right as they were about to turn the corner, Sirius looked back one more time and Natalie could see the pain and anguish on his face, for he knew then that she had been lying the afternoon before. He knew that she had no job lined up, that they wouldn't be neighbors, that he might never see her again.

Before she could change her mind and run out to hug him, kiss him, run her hands through his hair one more time, she pulled her wand from her back pocket and turned sharply on the spot.


	16. Chapter 16

"Beautiful. Just simply beautiful."

It was a blustery February afternoon. The busy London roads were wet from the melting snow and the weather that couldn't seem to make up its mind between rain and sleet. Thankfully, the inside of the quaint little florist shop located smack dab in the business district of the city was pleasantly warm. A tall man dressed in a gray tweed suit, with a sizable red bow tie and spectacles with a terribly high prescription, examined a large bouquet of flowers from every angle, deciding on which vase to purchase in its addition.

"Yes, yes, I do believe you're right. The etched one is the better choice," he said, pointing to the vase on his right and handing the woman behind the counter the bouquet to prepare.

"I'll have that right up for you, sir," she said, taking the flowers and the vase into the back room of the shop to finalize the arrangement.

Humming to herself quietly, a tune she had heard on the radio that morning, she filled the vase only a quarter full with water and added a few pinches of powdered flower food. Carefully, with her shears held diagonally, she cut the stems of the most wonderful bouquet of the afternoon. The gentleman in the suit had ordered an anniversary gift for his wife of 40 years. "Use whichever flowers you think are best. I trust your judgment. It has to be special," the man had said over the phone. So, putting her creativity to the test, the woman made an exceptional arrangement in all white, with lilies, roses, peonies, small hydrangeas, baby's breath and the odd green foliage to tie it all together.

Stepping back from the finished product, she couldn't help but be proud of herself. Not only was the display nearly breathtaking, but the overall price of it didn't hurt either.

Taking it carefully into both hands, and walking slowly as to not drop any part of it, the woman made her way back to the front of the store where the older man was still waiting. Having already filled out the payment form, he had his exact change out on the counter already, wanting to be able to leave as soon as he received the bouquet. She put the vase down on the counter and took the money, folding it carefully in her slim hands.

"Thank you again, my dear," the man said, patting her hand before he took the vase, being incredibly careful just as she had. "My wife will be so very happy."

Smiling, she replied, "My pleasure, sir."

Once she heard the ding of the bell above the door, signaling that the man had left the shop, she ducked under the counter separating the back of the shop and the front and put the money into a small, locked safe. Counting it quickly, she added the money to the already large pile inside, closed and locked the safe once more.

Since starting work at the florist shop nearly nine months earlier, the woman had saved every coin that she could, and had tucked away quite a lot of paper as well. She had enough of an income to pay for a flat in the city, not too far from her work, proper food so that she didn't starve, and the occasional night out with a friend. Everything else, though, went into the safe below the counter.

The door at the front of the shop alerted the woman to another customer. She stood up straight, smoothing out her red skirt and pale cream cardigan before looking up to greet the newest person.

She had opened her mouth to greet the customer before her brain fully recognized the people in front of her. The sight of the two men caused her to lose all sense of speech and function, though, which then caused her to stare at them with her mouth slightingly agape.

The two men stared back at her, waiting for her to regain partial consciousness. After several moments they realized that she was too shocked and decided to break the ice.

"Well?" the first one said. He wore rounded glasses and had extremely messy hair that looked as if he had just rolled out of bed a few minutes before. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

When the woman still didn't say anything the second man, pale-skinned and sandy-haired, tried as well. "Are-are you alright?" he stuttered.

The second man's voice finally found her ears, creating a chain reaction to her brain, signaling for her to speak. When she found her voice, she made a strange squeaking sound before actually formulating words.

"How did you find me?" was all she asked.

The first man rolled his eyes, his hands planted firmly in the pockets of his black jacket. "Please, Natalie, don't you know who you're talking to?"

Remus had hurried to the back of the shop to grab a chair for Natalie, seeing as how she had started to sway softly from side to side, seemingly without noticing. Pushing her shoulders lightly, he got her to sit.

"How did you find me," she repeated, though this time it was phrased more as a demand than a question.

"Well you didn't make it easy, did you?" James retorted, running his fingers through a display of decorative wheat over and over again. "We searched for you from the moment we realized you didn't get off the train. That was nearly a year ago."

"Yes, I happen to know exactly how long ago it was," Natalie said, speaking slowly as if she was in a daze.

It had been almost exactly nine months since she decided to leave her friends and branch out on her own. After she had disapparated from the Hogsmeade station, she didn't know what to do. Having a bit of wizarding money left from the school year, she stayed at the Leaky Cauldron for about a week before finding the job at the florist. She worked there until she had enough money to rent her own flat, which took only a few more weeks of living out of the attic of the wizarding pub, being exceptionally careful not to be seen. She had even made the precaution to stay under a false name, not wanting her friends finding her, especially so soon after having decided to leave.

James looked at her as if he was struggling to figure her out. "Yes, well when we couldn't find head nor tail of you after a few months we realized that you didn't want to be found. So we stopped."

"That doesn't really explain how you're here now, or why," she said, not bothering to hide the sarcasm in her voice.

"We've gotten better at what we do since you've been gone," James said, not feeling the need to elaborate.

Natalie rolled her eyes, growing tired of the conversation and wishing that the men would leave her shop. "Oh, yes, the little club you're all willing to kill yourselves for."

Remus stepped closer to the other two from the corner where he had been standing. "It's called the Order of the Phoenix. We've been doing so many things to attempt to stop the Death Eaters. But we have small numbers...not enough people to really make a difference."

Death Eaters. The name had come about only a few months prior, the group of men and women that were growing larger by the day having finally come up with something clever enough to describe themselves. Natalie had still gotten the Daily Prophet delivered to her, at a location in the middle of town so that no one would be able to track her back to her flat or her shop. She also subscribed to the local Muggle newspaper, so that she was able to see both sides of, what seemed to be, the start of a war.

"So," she started, lifting herself out off of the chair and onto the floor, "you're here to recruit me? Even though, by now, you should have realized that this 'order' is the reason I left?"

"We need you," Remus said, trying his hardest to break through the hard exterior she was putting forth so that she really understood him. "You were one of the best in our class, if not the best. We need your power, your expertise."

"You could help us," James said, looking her right in her bright blue eyes. "You could help us stop them, stop everything they're doing."

Natalie had become furious. Didn't they understand that she couldn't help them? That if she did go with them, she would surely be the first one that these 'Death Eaters' would go for, being the fact that she was Muggleborn? "If I join you, I die. It's as simple as that. Sorry, but I choose to live for as long as I possibly can."

She started to make her way to the back, grabbing her black jacket and scarf, and bundling herself in both by the time she got back to where James and Remus were standing.

"Natalie, please," Remus said. She noticed he was holding a piece of paper between his thin fingers. "This is where our headquarters are. It's protected but you'll be able to find it. We need you."

Pushing past them, she opened the door and walked out of the shop, her hair flying from the frustrated movements of her small body and from the wind that was picking up outside. The precipitation that had only been a misty drizzle all day had advanced to a slow rain, large drops splashing the streets and windows. The men followed Natalie outside, watching her lock the door behind them with a set of several keys.

When she started to stalk away, hands balled up inside the pockets of her jacket, James called after her.

"How can you live this way? Pretending to be a Muggle, ignoring everything that's going on around you in your world? You belong in the wizarding world with your friends, not working in a bloody flower shop."

Natalie stopped walking as quickly as she had started, whipping herself around to face James. She felt the slick, cool wood of her wand gripped within her hand as she stuffed them both further down into her pockets.

"I do not ignore everything going on around me," she started, angrier than she had ever been. "I see what you all are doing. I saw those twins that died two weeks ago, and the woman that died a month before that. She had children, James! I see what your order is doing, and I don't want to be a part of it. And if I choose to live a fake life, working in a flower shop instead of the Prophet, taking the bus instead of apparating, then at least I'll be alive to do it."

Without another word, Natalie started off again, taking long strides to get away from James and Remus, though she could clearly hear them following her.

"Natalie!" Remus yelled through the loud sounds of traffic around them.

"No!" she yelled back, looking at them again. "I've told you no. Now, please, leave me alone before I'm seen with you and all the shit you're involved in falls on me."

The men didn't follow her again, though she never looked back to make sure they didn't. The rain had really picked up, slicking her blonde hair to her cheekbones and soaking her feet through her shoes. She collapsed on the sofa in her apartment after another ten minutes of walking, drenched and dripping, though she didn't care. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, from her encounter with who used to be her best friends.

A week had passed since Natalie's meeting with James and Remus. It was a beautiful morning, the sun high in the vibrantly blue sky casting warming rays down to the small corner market Natalie was picking through. She had a small woven basket hooked securely on the inside of her elbow and was using her free hand to fill it with fruits, breads, cheeses and sweets. Every week or so Natalie made her way to this market and filled the same basket with anything she could find, paid for it all and made her way to her mother's house on the outskirts of London. During the harsh and snowy winter months she paid for a taxi to drive her to and from, but on this day she decided that it was nice enough to make the twenty-or-so minute walk without freezing.

When she arrived at the end of the familiar driveway to the house she grew up in, she knew something was wrong. The lawn was dead and brown from the winter. The shutters were worn in spots, the original wood showing through the blue paint. A fence post was missing here and there, truly showing how old Natalie's mother had gotten since she was unable to fix any of the problems the house had. This was why Natalie brought her mother food; it was a guarantee that her mother would have some food in the house that she was able to eat without having to think of how to prepare it and maybe getting hurt in the process.

However, it wasn't any of those things that alerted Natalie to something being wrong. Rather, it was the front door. Natalie could see from the end of the driveway that it was just slightly ajar, something that her mother's neighbors wouldn't have been likely to see from their porches or driveways.

She made her way quickly up the drive and stopped right before she reached the door. Her body was still, not making any movements, barely breathing. Natalie couldn't hear anything coming from the inside of the house, which frightened her almost more than if she had heard something. Something had surely happened to her poor mother, she had fallen or succumbed to an illness that any elderly woman would have, and Natalie hadn't been there to take care of her.

Overcome with guilt, Natalie opened the door and took a few steps into the house before she realized what she was seeing. The reading table was thrown on its side, books scattered all around the brown carpeting. Cushions on the sofa were lopsided and a glass of water had smashed on the floor and, Natalie assumed, had spilled its contents all over, though the floor was dry now.

Natalie dropped the basket of food quietly to the floor, at the same time finding her wand and holding it tensely in her right hand. Her hand stayed steadily at her side, ready to fly up and defend herself at any moment. There was too much damage in this room for her mother to have fallen or gotten sick. No, something had happened here.

As she made her way to the kitchen, walking slowly and silently in case there was still someone in the home, she prepared herself for anything she might see when she entered the room. Putting her hand on the door, she pushed lightly. It swung open at her touch, just as it always had.

The kitchen was in as much disarray as the living room had been. Glasses and plates smashed all over the linoleum floor, food and drink staining the carpet. Natalie's brow was furrowed in confusion as she turned the corner towards the staircase.

Her breath caught in her throat. She followed the steps of the stairs with her eyes and as they grew higher she saw her mother, half covered in shadow, with her dress wrinkled and her shoe falling off and her eyes full of fear but so terribly blank.

An awful tingling sensation came over Natalie, almost as if her body was numbing itself against the onslaught of pain that was sure to arrive any second. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't blink. She couldn't look away from the sight of her dead mother. Her mother had fought against her attackers, which was certainly why the house was wrecked. She had made it halfway up the stairs before they were able to catch her.

A lump formed in Natalie's throat. Her chin trembled against the tears threatening to fall. Her mother fought, her mother was strong. The people who had killed her were stronger.

Natalie forced herself to blink, the first tears streaking their way down her cheeks, making an easier path for other little droplets to follow. She took a few small and staggered steps towards the stairs but couldn't find it in herself to make it all the way to her mother.

"I'm sorry. I never..." Natalie couldn't find words to comfort the unhearing ears of her mother. Instead, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, turned out of the kitchen and left the house.

Standing on the corner of the street that lead out of her old neighborhood, Natalie called up all the strength she could muster, taking several deep breaths and turned sharply on the spot, making a loud popping noise and arriving only a split-second later a block away from the florist shop.

She had nearly forgotten how awful a sensation it was to apparate. She had hardly done it at all since she had left school, that being one of the ways she was able to keep her disguise up so well. She walked quickly towards her workplace, coming up with a mental plan in her head as to what she was going to do next. Collect her money, go to her apartment and pack her belongings, and go somewhere. But where? It would come to her later; she worked well under pressure.

The smell of smoke invaded her nostrils as she turned the corner that the shop was on. Looking up, she saw that the florist shop was engulfed in flames that seemed like they licked their way up a thousand feet into the sky. Fire engines and men with hoses were yelling things at each other, trying to fight the fire that was threatening to take over the buildings next to it, as if the florist shop wasn't enough to satisfy its burning hunger.

Natalie felt hollow. With her eyes wide, she took in the sight of everything that was happening in front of her. Her limbs were heavy and she found it incredibly hard to walk herself to an alleyway a few feet away and twist sharply for the second time in only a few moments. She barely noticed that she held a crinkled, small piece of paper tightly in her white-knuckled fist.


	17. Chapter 17

Remus flipped the page of the Daily Prophet, his eyes meeting insignificant articles about an influx of magically charmed muggle record players that stabbed the hand of its user when they tried to play music, a wizard becoming mayor of a muggle town and his struggles of keeping his magic a secret, and a witch who magic-ed a dog collar so that the poor animal wearing it would tap dance to the owner's delight.

He rolled his eyes and rubbed a weary hand across his forehead. It was truly amazing, he thought, how many witches and wizards could be so absorbed with trivial things such as charmed collars when the Death Eaters and their leader were causing such destruction.

James bounded down the stairs and entered the warm kitchen at a jog. He glanced at Remus for only a moment before grinning and saying, "We've told you not to read that, mate. It only makes you angry."

"Yes, well," Remus sighed, folding the paper neatly and pushing it to the corner of the heavy wooden table he sat at, "its maddening having to read about the rubbish that our population cares about."

"So don't read it," James replied simply, rummaging in the cabinets for something to graze on.

"You know Lily is at the market right now buying things for dinner and would strike you down if she knew you were looking for something to eat," Remus told him, amused when James sighed gloomily and turned to face him.

"Her cooking just isn't...as advanced as I'm used to," James said, choosing his words carefully so that he didn't insult his girlfriend.

Remus chuckled. "She's trying very hard you know."

James opened his mouth to say something in response when a loud knocking came from the front door.

The men stopped cold, both sets of eyes shooting toward the door. It was a few quick seconds before James spoke.

"No one knocks on the door," he said, stating what Remus already knew.

They stood at the same time, hands finding wands, and walked together towards the door. It was true, no one in the Order ever knocked on the door. They simply came in, because the only people who knew about the house were people that could be trusted. Someone knocking was someone not anticipated. Someone not anticipated was someone not invited. Someone not invited was someone that couldn't be trusted.

James reached the door first. His hand found the handle, fingers wrapping tightly around the knob. He looked back at Remus, making sure that the other man was ready for whoever was on the other side of the door. Remus nodded, his wand extended outward slightly, signaling silently that James should open the door.

James twisted his hand and opened the door fast, in an attempt to catch the person outside off guard. Instead of attacking, however, the two men simply stared at the sight that met their eyes.

Natalie was standing in front of them, white blonde hair tousled and spotted with flecks of something black, cheeks and nose red from the cold, and her bright blue eyes clouded with an emotion that Remus had never seen in her before.

"Natalie?" James asked stupidly, clearly caught by the startling sight of her just as Remus was.

She stepped up to where James was standing, looking up at him since he was a few inches taller than she. With her hands shoved hard inside the pockets of her jacket, she presented him with a cold glare that Remus was not used to seeing on her.

"You're being followed," she said, and walked past him into the kitchen where the men were before.

Neither one of them moved for a moment, the shock of her statement resonating over the both of them. Remus was the first to lower his wand and turn in her direction.

"What?" James asked loudly, finding his anger before he found his reason, something that Remus was well acquainted with in his friend. He reached Natalie before Remus did, finding her leaning against the table, her arms crossed.

"Who's following us?" Remus asked, his attention split between Natalie and James.

"I don't know," Natalie replied, her eyes and voice filled with anger and attitude.

"How do you know, then," James said, phrasing it less as a question and more as an accusation.

Remus was asking himself the same question. If they hadn't noticed someone following them, how had Natalie? They had only talked to her the one time since graduation all those months ago. He could tell that James was equally, or more, suspicious of her.

Natalie fixed James with a look that could have killed had it been a physical weapon. "Sorry, I didn't have time to track them down and ask for their name in between me finding my mother dead and my shop burning to the ground."

James said nothing. Remus knew he was feeling guilty for ever thinking she would do something as dangerous and stupid as falling in with the Death Eaters. Really, though, one could never be too careful, especially with someone that had been off the map for so long.

"Natalie, are you alright?" Remus said after taking a few deep breaths to steady his mind.

"Would you be?" she snapped, her tone venomous and her eyes filled with fire. "Never mind any of that. I didn't come here for pity, or just to tell you to be careful. You said the other day that you needed help."

James jumped in before Remus could say anything. "And you said that you wanted nothing to do with the cause, or us for that matter."

Natalie did nothing for a moment but stare at James. Remus noticed her eyes soften, her throat constrict subtly. She took a breath before shrugging her shoulders and saying, defeated, "I'm already in it, this fight. I haven't got much left to lose, have I?"

The house that the Order of the Phoenix used as headquarters was much larger on the inside than it seemed just from gazing at it on the street, as Natalie had done for several moments before she willed herself up to the doorstep. It's a funny thing wizards do, making things much larger than they were meant to be. In this case, Remus and James were making Natalie's current situation out to be much more devastating than it actually was. Yes, she had lost her mother, her job, and perhaps her apartment and all of her belongings, too, though she truly wasn't sure as she had decided not to go back to check.

However, she found that she was too full of purpose now for any of that to take effect on her. Really, she was never that close with her mother, she could find another job and everything in her apartment was something that could be replaced. Her great purpose most likely stemmed from anger and revenge, but that was a thing that Natalie never dived too far into. She concentrated on what she needed to do on any given day, not looking too far ahead and never looking back.

James and Remus had made her eat and drink, thinking that she was in some sort of shock from the day's events. She ate and drank to satisfy them and didn't try to convince them that she honestly was fine, as she knew that they wouldn't believe her no matter what she said.

After a long while of them doting on her the front door opened and Lily walked into the kitchen. Her hair had grown much longer since graduation, Natalie noticed, though it hadn't lost any of its vibrant red. She was still quite thin, something anyone would grasp upon seeing her in the plain blue skirt and white blouse that she was sporting that day. The tall, thin red-head placed a few paper grocery bags on the counters in the kitchen and started asking James to pull out pots and pans before turning around and stopping mid-sentence as her eyes landed on Natalie.

There had always been a silent rivalry between Lily and Natalie. The two never talked during school as they couldn't stand to be anywhere near each other because of their ever present competition to be the best witch of their year. Natalie had long since forgotten about her immature anger toward Lily, though she was not quite sure that the same could be said for the other woman.

"Natalie," she said, making it quite obvious that she was uncomfortable with the fact that Natalie was in her kitchen. Lily said nothing for a few moments and the incredible awkwardness washed over the others before she brought herself to speak again. "I'm sorry, I'm being terribly rude. I just...well I didn't expect to see you here is all."

Natalie inclined her head slightly, trying to be as polite as she could. "I didn't mean to intrude, Lily, my apologies. I'm here to help the Order."

Lily looked at James with a hopeful and happy look on her face. "So you convinced her?"

James took a breath and tried to figure out what to say. Looking mostly at the floor, he said, "I suppose you could say that."

Satisfied with his reply, Lily told Natalie that she was making vegetable soup for supper, and that she was more than welcome to stay as long as she wished. Before Natalie could answer or explain to Lily that she would be staying for more than just a few hours, the front door opened again. This time, however James and Remus froze and made immediate eye contact with each other.

"What?" Natalie asked them, having noticed their behavior right away.

Remus sighed and said, "We never told Sirius that we went to talk to you."

Natalie's stomach dropped at the same time as her heart jumped into her throat, two sensations that seemed to make her dizzy as well. "He has no idea you even found me?"

Before Remus could answer someone made it into the kitchen and stopped dead in their tracks. Natalie knew that she had no excuse to be sad or upset in any way at his appearance, as she was the one who left him without a word. So, she forced herself to look at him, at the man she hadn't seen in nearly a year, and promised herself that she would take any punishment that he decided he needed to give her.

He had changed dramatically over the nearly nine months since she had last seen him. There were a few inches added to his height, a few more muscles added to his body, more stubble on his face. He looked different but exactly the same, if there was any such thing. The curls in his hair looked as though they hadn't moved a bit since she last laid eyes on him, his eyes the same cloudy gray they had always been. Now, though, those eyes were confused and sad, his familiar mouth set to a frown as he gazed at her.

Sirius started to shake his head after no one had said anything for what seemed like hours but was really just a quick minute. His breath was quick and ragged and his eyes darted from her hands on the table to her hair to her eyes. "I don't understand," was all he said.

James spoke first. "Natalie came to help the Order, mate."

That was not the correct thing to say to Sirius at that moment, though Natalie suspected that nothing would have satisfied him. After looking at James and Remus respectively, and completely ignoring Lily who was standing in the corner feeling as though she shouldn't be there, Sirius turned on his heel and left the kitchen. Natalie could hear his footsteps all the way up the stairs, ending with the sound of a door shutting.

She stared at her fingers, not knowing what to say to anyone. She knew that it was her fault that Sirius couldn't stand to be in the same room with her, that it was her fault she was feeling so guilty. Though, she couldn't help but notice that she had been hoping he would have been happy to see her. It hurts when the ones you love don't feel the same way anymore. For, even though she tried to hide it from herself and everyone else, she still loved Sirius Black.


	18. Chapter 18

Knock. All you're going to do is flex a few muscles, just enough to lift your hand to the door and knock. Move your hand, now. Knock.

And so she did. The light sound of her knuckles hitting the wooden door seemed to pound throughout the entire house. She could picture James, Lily and Remus standing just inside the kitchen, close enough to the stairs to hear if anything was said but far enough away so that they couldn't be seen.

It seemed like an eternity before Natalie heard rustling behind the door. The knob turned, hesitated for a split second, and pushed backward into the room, opening the door in front of her.

And there he stood. Taller than her, so that she had to look up to make eye contact, making her feel small in height in addition to how small she felt emotionally. His gray eyes held a myriad of feelings, she was sure, even though she could tell that he was trying very hard not to show them. He kept his hand on the knob, ready to close the door in her face at any second. She couldn't blame him for being so cold, so sheltered. She had hurt him in a way that he had never expected. But then again, that was why she was standing in front of him in the first place.

Natalie cleared her throat, her eyes darting away from his for just a second before she forced them back. "I would like to apologize, if you have a moment. If you'd like to listen."

Sirius' eyes never strayed from hers. His dead stare was not only uncomfortable but also intimidating. He stared at her as if he was making up his mind, the gears turning furiously inside his skull, until he stepped aside slightly, inviting her into his room.

She stepped in and he shut the door quietly behind her. The room was warm and relaxed. There was a bed in the middle of the space, made up with dark burgundy sheets and blankets. The Gryffindor in him hadn't dissipated since leaving school, she noted with amusement that was hardly appropriate considering her current predicament. Much had changed about him from what she could tell, but still much had stayed the same. In one corner of the room there was a small desk with papers and things strewn over the top, a chair tucked in underneath. In another corner was his large trunk that he took to school with him every year. It was shut, but she imagined that he still had many of his school item stowed away inside.

Sirius didn't sit, so neither did she. The last thing she wanted to do was overstay her welcome. She knew what she wanted to say, and she willed herself to say it without drawing it out. Ultimately it was Sirius' decision on whether or not he would forgive her, talk to her again, or anything of the sort.

Natalie looked at him straight on, took a breath, let it out, and spoke slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't go with you. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you where I was. I'm sorry that I left. I thought it would be easier to run and hide from the things that you were going after but it ended up finding me anyway. I should have stayed with you."

He said nothing. She studied his face in the moments that he was quiet. She saw that he was fighting to stay calm, his eyebrows furrowed, his jaw clenching and his lips shut tight. He was staring into her eyes all the time until, suddenly, he dropped his gaze awkwardly to the floor. He nodded his head, the curls from his hair moving with the motions slightly, and said, "Thank you."

Natalie's talk with Sirius took place the morning after her arrival at what everyone was calling the 'headquarters'. That afternoon she went with Remus to the market down the street to pick up the necessities she no longer had since abandoning her flat. She had little money, but thankfully she knew how to live on little to none from the time she spent alone right after leaving school.

Remus filled her in on many things while they were away from the house. She learned about some of the people who were part of the Order of the Phoenix, what they did, where they stayed when they weren't at headquarters. Some names she recognized from her time at Hogwarts, others she was completely oblivious to. One name, though Remus hadn't mentioned it, she knew very well.

"So, where does Dumbledore fall into all of this?" Natalie asked Remus forwardly, wanting to know exactly the part he would play in her new life.

"He started the Order," he answered simply. "Everyone that's involved were people that he picked personally, because he trusts them and knows that they can be of help to our cause."

"Not me," Natalie retorted. "You and James plucked me out of my perfectly quiet life, not Dumbledore."

"Actually, that's not true," Remus told her, raising his eyebrow at her attitude but not commenting on it. "Dumbledore suggested we find you. He thought perhaps you would have had enough time to gain a different perspective on the situation."

Natalie scoffed. "Well, I suppose he was right, in a way."

She knew that James and Remus felt guilty for the death of her mother and the loss of her job and home. And while they were mostly responsible for bringing her to the attention of the Death Eaters, the soft spot she had for the two of them was much larger than the grudge she was forcing herself to hold, at least for just a little while longer.

Even though she didn't want to admit a thing, it was nice to be around friends again. For the longest time she only had her mother, and even then it was more like being alone. Natalie was too afraid to make permanent friends in case they turned out to be a Death Eater or even someone from the good side of the oncoming war. She got used to a quiet, empty house to come home to, eating all her meals alone and going to sleep and waking up with no one beside her. The immediate difference between her old life and her brand new life with the Order put her into a temporary shock. She thought the shock might be the very reason that she was less affected by the events of the last few days than might normally be.

Walking back into the house after their trip, Natalie was assaulted by an incredible amount of noise that she was surprised could even be held in such a small house. It was all coming from the kitchen area where she soon saw many people jammed into the same room. When they saw her face peek out from behind the front door the noise crashed to a sudden halt. The instant silence hurt her ears and made her face want to blush a deep red for she knew that they were all there to meet her. She would not let herself be seen as weak by these nameless people, however, and she fought back the creeping blush as best as she could, pulled herself to her full height and tried to look every one of them in the eye.

Before she could say something rude and snippy, Dumbledore stepped out from behind the throng. Just a few strides from his long legs and he had crossed the kitchen and stood in front of Natalie. He outstretched one arm and extended his hand, a gesture of friendship and perhaps equality, seeing as she was no longer a student of his and was now fighting by his side. She took his hand in hers, momentarily feeling his cool and slender fingers in her palm and tried to put the same implications into her shake as he was putting into his. When they released each other's hands, he smiled and she saw that the twinkle in his eye hadn't disappeared even under such stressful times.

"It is very good to see you again, Ms. Hill, though I must say I wish they were on better terms," he said to her softly. "I apologize deeply for your many losses and for the part that I regrettably played in them."

His eyes were filled with a great remorse, but also with a stern something that made Natalie think twice about saying anything sarcastic or unfriendly to him. For a moment she felt as though she was still under his watchful eye at Hogwarts and one wrong move might land her in detention.

Deciding to stifle her emotions for the time being, she said, "Please, sir, we're not in school anymore. Call me Natalie. And there's no need for apologies or regret, though I do appreciate both."

Dumbledore nodded, acknowledging her words, but said nothing more on the subject. Rather, he held out his hand towards the kitchen table, indicating that she should sit. To everyone in the kitchen, he said, "If you would all please give Natalie, her friends, and I just a moment."

As the crowd dissipated into other rooms of the house, leaving the kitchen very quiet indeed compared to the noise that it was filled with just a second before, Natalie, Sirius, Remus and James sat at the table. Lily was unsure if she was one of the few invited to stay so she simply hovered by the kitchen sink.

Dumbledore gently took a seat directly across from Sirius. "If I recall correctly, Sirius, your family hosts a celebration of sorts every year around this time, yes?"

Sirius shifted slightly in his seat, seemingly uncomfortable with talking about his family. "Yes, sir. It should be the last weekend of the month."

"Wonderful," Dumbledore responded, tapping his fingers together lightly. "I don't suppose you've received an invitation?"

"No," he said, scoffing. "I haven't talked to anyone in my family for over a year."

Dumbledore nodded in acknowledgement. "That should not be a problem, I am certain you will not need an invitation. Your family will be so surprised to see you there that they might just forget to ask for one."

Natalie was confused listening to their conversation. Did she miss something while she was gone? Was Sirius considering making up with his family? When Sirius started to speak, however, she knew that she wasn't the only one who didn't understand where the conversation was going. After a few seconds of silence, Sirius spoke once more.

"Sorry, sir, but are you saying you want me to go to the Black Family Ball?"

Sirius' face was incredulous. Dumbledore looked on at the young man before him with a polite yet slightly irked look. "Yes, Sirius, that is exactly what I am saying."

"Sir," James chimed in, sitting next to Sirius and knowing that his friend's tongue was in knots from trying to find the right words to tell Dumbledore to respectfully piss off. "Sirius' family would not be happy to see him at all. To them, he's a blood traitor. They'll go after him before he'd be able to get a word out."

Dumbledore nodded his head, acknowledging James' worry. "Yes, I do understand their feelings towards Sirius. Though I do not think they will attack him on site. I do believe that they will attempt to attack you at some point during the evening, though, and that is why I will send someone along with you. As a plus one, perhaps."

James nodded his head as if Dumbledore had spoken to him specifically. The old man caught James' response out of the corner of his eye, though, and said, "James, while I do appreciate your enthusiasm and readiness to help your friend, I was not talking about you. Rather, I was planning on sending Natalie."

If Natalie thought the silence after walking into the crowd of people in the kitchen just a while before was deafening, there were no words for the silence in the kitchen after Dumbledore said her name. James looked offended that he wasn't chosen to go with Sirius. Lily, from the corner of the kitchen, looked surprised, just as Remus did. Sirius' face was unreadable. And Natalie was sure her own face was comical, as she was completely shocked that Dumbledore would choose her to go on such a mission for the Order.

"Sir," she croaked, "When I was gone all those months I was living with muggles. The last time I cast a defensive spell was when we were still in school. If you really think that we're going to have to fight, I'm not capable or experienced whatsoever."

Dumbledore smiled at her as if she was an adorable child. "If I am correct, which old men do often think that they are, there is roughly a week and a half before the event. That should give Sirius ample time to teach you how to defend yourself."

Sirius' look was no longer unreadable. It was now furious. Natalie didn't want to think of the reasons why he would be so angry, it made her sad and uncomfortable. Instead, she tried once more to get Dumbledore to reason with her.

"Dumbledore, sir-" she started, but he held up his hand to silence her.

"Natalie, I have the utmost confidence in you. Now, I must be on my way. I have an appointment that I cannot be late for."

He lifted himself off of his chair and made his way swiftly to the front of the house. Opening the door, he turned around and said, "Good luck with your training, Natalie, Sirius." And with that he shut the door and disappeared, the faint popping noise from the front stoop letting them know that he had apparated away from them.


	19. Chapter 19

After Dumbledore left, Sirius wasted no time turning around and climbing the stairs. It was painfully obvious that he was angry and Natalie's instincts took over before she could stop and tell herself to leave him alone.

"Sirius," she called after him, lightly. She started up the stairs after him, not paying attention to the others who had followed them into the hall but stayed where they were, not wanting to anger Sirius more by bombarding him.

Sirius reached the top of the steps, with Natalie close behind, and turned to go to his room. Natalie said his name and was ignored again. She extended her hand and touched his shoulder, wanting him to turn around and face her. When her fingers touched the soft fabric of his shirt he stopped dead in his tracks and whipped his shoulder out of her grasp. Natalie, surprised by his reaction, pulled her hand back and gasped quietly.

"Listen," she said, slowly. "I don't want to do this any more than you do. I think Dumbledore thinks he's clever by pairing us together. But its only a week and a half, and I promise to be tolerable. After that I'll keep my distance."

"I'm not-" he started to respond but then took a deep, steadying breath. Instead of finishing his thought, he said, "There's a place where we train new people for the Order, I'll take you there tomorrow and we'll start then. Can you be ready by mid-morning?"

She wanted badly to know what he was going to say but decided it wouldn't be smart to push him into talking. "Yes," was her simple answer.

Natalie was waiting by the front door the next morning, dressed in form fitting yet stretchy jeans and a plain white shirt; clothes that would allow her the movement she would most likely need to train. She clung nervously onto her light jacket, which held her wand, for she did not know how the day was going to turn out.

She hadn't been alone with Sirius for a long period of time for many months and the idea excited and terrified her. What would he say? Perhaps he would only concentrate on the training and there would be no talking at all. She couldn't blame him if that was the case. He was constantly trying to show how angry and distant he was with her. But she thought that maybe, deep down, he was just putting on a show, that he actually did still have feelings for her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Sirius coming out of the kitchen and leading her out the front door. It was quiet outside, and sunny for a change. Sirius' body was facing the street in front of the house, but his head was turned slightly to look at Natalie. "We'll need to side-along apparate to get there, since you don't know where it is. Take my hand," he said, extending his hand out towards her.

Was it her imagination or did he say the last part softer, more tender? She put her hand in his and was immediately drowned in memories. She could feel his callouses on her palm and for a moment she wondered what he would do if she rubbed her finger across them. When she looked up at Sirius he was already looking at her and before he turned around and disapparated she thought that she saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

"Ready?"

"Would you wait a moment if I said I wasn't?"

"No."

"Then yes, I'm ready."

Natalie stood at one end of the large, empty barn and Sirius stood at the other. Both had spots of dirt and dust on their clothes but they stood with their feet parted and their wands at the ready.

The barn was very large and could easily fit dozens of people inside if necessary. Sirius told her that it was an ideal spot for training because of its size and the fact that it had been abandoned for years. The place was in a small country town and the nearest neighbors were miles away so they were safe from prying ears and eyes. If she had been with almost anyone else the thought that no one could hear her might have made her uncomfortable. But she felt at ease with Sirius, even if he was being quite stern with her.

He had taken the first hour or two to show Natalie how to correctly jump, dodge, drop, slam, and countless other physical tasks. She was already tired and sore and they had just started the actual training part.

When she said she was ready, Sirius shot a spell at her from across the barn. In theory, Natalie was supposed to block the spell defensively to protect herself. However, she cast her spell too late and Sirius' curse hit her shoulder, throwing her body back into the wall behind her. She looked down at her shoulder, saw that Sirius had thrown a jet of fire in her direction and clamped her hand over the smoldering wound.

She slid down the wall so that she was sitting as Sirius rushed over to her. He sat down next to her and gently moved her hand away from the burn. As he removed some bandaging from his coat pocket he started talking.

"A week and a half isn't enough time to teach you counter curses. But it will be plenty of time to teach you a few defensive spells and work on your reaction time. Learn how to do those before the ball and if anything happens while we're there it'll hold them off long enough for you to get away."

"Do you think we'll get split up?" Natalie asked him as he taped the bandage over her shoulder.

He hesitated before answering, "No. I'll stay with you the whole time."

"We don't have to," she said. "We can make a plan to split up to find whatever Dumbledore is looking for."

Sirius lowered his hands and looked her in the eyes. "I know you think I'm angry that Dumbledore is making you go with me."

Surprised that he was being open with her, Natalie nodded and lowered her gaze from his.

"I am," he said honestly. "But not for the reason that you think. I'm mad that he's putting you at risk, not because you'll be there with me. If we were going anywhere else where there wasn't a possibility that you'd get hurt I wouldn't mind at all that you were going with."

There were a thousand things that Natalie could have said at that moment, and a thousand more that were swimming through her mind. His gray eyes bore into her blue ones, waiting for her to say something, anything.

"As long as I'm with you, I'm safe," was all she said.

Just a few days before the ball Natalie found herself reading the Daily Prophet at the kitchen table, a habit she picked up from Remus who did the same every morning. She held a cup of tea in her right hand, favoring her left wrist since it was still sore from her training with Sirius two days before.

She had gotten considerably faster and better at the few defensive spells Sirius wanted her to work on. Admittedly, she found it calming to work so hard at one goal. It was as if she were back in school where she excelled in almost everything she set out to do. Training with Sirius was no different.

She was interrupted from the morning news by Lily entering the kitchen and hovering by the doorway, trying to get Natalie's attention.

Lily and Natalie were still rather awkward around each other. They feuded during school but with everything they were fighting within the Order and after lots of growing up they both tried very hard to put their differences aside. Besides, it made living in the same house much easier when they got along.

"So, Natalie," she started, holding her hands behind her back so that she didn't fiddle with them. "I was thinking...the Black Family Ball is a black tie affair so you and Sirius will need to fit in so they don't suspect anything. And, I'm only assuming since you never went back to your apartment that you don't have a dress."

"I don't have anything, no. I hadn't really thought of that," Natalie said.

"Well, there are a few thrift shops in town that sell clothing for really low prices and I'm sure you could find something reasonable there," she told her.

Natalie nodded. "Yes, I'll have to go take a look sometime today."

"Would you maybe want to go together?" Lily asked timidly.

Natalie knew James had something to do with Lily asking to tag along, but she didn't necessarily mind. Lily was nice, just very opinionated much like Natalie herself.

"Of course, are you ready to go now?"

The two women made their way to the shops in London, making small talk the whole time. It was a busy day in town, people hustling and bustling every which way, not paying any attention to the people they were sharing the walk ways with. The weather was harsh as well, caught somewhere in between the cold of winter and the change of spring. The roaring wind was catching everything from scarves to hair, causing both witches to cling to their long locks desperately in between stores.

When they made it to their third stop of the afternoon, Natalie started browsing the racks of clothing while Lily talked beside her. Most of it was Lily rambling on nervously, talking Natalie's ear off about the people in the Order, James' never ending hunger and her slow adaptation to being one of the only women doting on a throng of helpless men.

One of Lily's questions caught Natalie off guard, though. In the middle of gazing at a lovely golden number, Lily said, "Do you regret coming back?"

Natalie's hand faltered as she put away the dress, surprised by how forward Lily was being. She couldn't blame the other woman, she supposed. Natalie arrived so suddenly and, by now, Lily certainly knew the circumstances that brought her back.

A deep breath, and Natalie said, "It's hard to say. If nothing had happened with my mother or with my shop I don't think I would have come."

She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully for even she didn't know what exactly she was talking about. Of course, she had thought about this very question often, almost every day in fact. The answer, though, always evaded her until this very moment. She shook her head.

"But something tells me that I would have ended up here either way."

The night of the ball had arrived and Natalie was seated at the kitchen table waiting for Sirius. She was ready, dressed in a gorgeous purple floor length gown - with a neckline that stretched straight across her collarbone from either shoulder, soft fabric that hooked around her shoulder blades, fell gracefully down her hips and landed delicately above her backside, leaving her back completely exposed – with a matching hand bag that contained her wand, essence of dittany for any emergencies, and a few useless odds and ends that would hopefully make the first two items look less suspicious in the even that anyone search through it. Her feet were secured into a strappy pair of heels that she was borrowing from Lily, which were surprisingly sturdy and easy to move in despite their appearance.

She was nervous, to say the least. Though she was saving that emotion for herself and putting on quite a show for the others, saying that she was quite excited, actually, for her first real mission for the Order. There were an endless amount of possibilities for what could happen that night, none of which, in Natalie's paranoid mind, ended with her getting home in one piece.

Her thoughts were interrupted, as they often were, by someone entering the kitchen. Sirius was at the doorway, dressed to the nines in dark dress robes, those resembling a muggle suit. All black, from the shirt to the robe to the shoes. He looked completely dashing and Natalie found it hard to regain herself.

"Shall we go?" he asked, all business, and Natalie wondered to herself if he saw the way she looked at him.

The apparated to a spot down the street from the party. It was noisy and busy, but Natalie was sure that it was charmed so that muggles couldn't notice. Sirius stopped her when she started to walk towards the noise.

"I don't know how the night is going to play out. Dumbledore just wants us to listen, to find out any information that people might be stupid enough to talk about. I want us to get in, stay a while and get out without anything happening. Let me do the talking, okay?"

"Of course," she said, hoping that his plan went off without a hitch.

The party was extravagant, as it certainly as every year. Most people were wearing dark robes, but there was an occasional flash of silver or green, as many of the pureblood families that were in attendance had been in Slytherin house. Natalie and Sirius blended in well, as they were both wearing darker colors. Even Natalie's bright blonde hair wasn't bringing them much unwanted notice, as a few of the Black cousins had the same shade. It was at the front door that they were stopped when a young man asked for an invitation.

Sirius feigned annoyance. "I shouldn't need one, I'm the hostess' son."

He was preparing to argue with the man when he was cut short by a black haired woman dressed in flowing black lace stepping in between them both.

"Cousin Sirius," she whispered, pretending to be surprised but failing miserably, the menace in her voice pushing through to the surface as if it were desperate for air. "I had no idea you would be in attendance this evening. Were you sent an invitation? I didn't know you and my dear aunt were still speaking."

"Bellatrix," Sirius acknowledged her, keeping his words clipped. "We aren't. I was going to use this evening to reconnect with my family. If you'll excuse us."

The woman's eyes narrowed as Sirius led Natalie away from the entrance and in towards the party. They skirted the edge of the most open area of the house, which was used for dancing during the evening, trying to catch any bits of information coming from careless conversations. Nothing of interest caught them, though, and soon Sirius stopped walking and extended his hand towards her.

He was implying that he wanted to dance. Here? Now? She didn't know how to dance and she didn't think tonight was the proper time to learn. Shouldn't they be trying to find...something?

"You're joking," Natalie said, trying to keep her voice steady in spite of the nerves that were stinging her throat. "We have a job to do."

"Yes, and we'll never be here long enough to finish the job unless we blend in. They'll already be suspicious of us, we don't want to give them any more ammunition," he said, grabbing her hand gently and ignoring her noises of indignation.

Sirius pulled her into the crowd and placed his right hand in her left. Her right hand found his shoulder and his left settled on the small of her back. His hand on her skin sent a shiver down her spine; she had almost forgotten how revealing the gown was from the back. If Sirius had felt awkward about holding her it didn't show. In fact, they were comfortable in each other's arms. He held her firmly, her hip touching his, her breasts pressed lighting against his chest. They swayed to the music, not caring who played it or what it was about.

Natalie told herself to look away, that staring into his eyes must have been weird for him. But, then, if it had been, wouldn't he have broken their gaze? He didn't, but instead looked right back into hers, remembering the light blue of her eyes like they were something he had been looking at every day for many years.

When the song ended and the couples around them stopped dancing, their embrace broke. Natalie felt a flush rise to her cheeks and thought she would just blame it on the embarrassment of not being able to dance, if she was even asked.

"I'm going to get us drinks. Don't stray too far, and keep your ears open," Sirius said quietly, bending his mouth down to Natalie's ear and sending silent tingles down her shoulders.

She was infatuated. She couldn't help herself, just as she couldn't help herself when she first met him. She knew when she saw him again for the first time in almost a year that she still loved him, but she wasn't prepared for these feelings. It was like she was in school again, a giddy teenager who couldn't get enough snogging in the broom closet. And if she wasn't terribly mistaken, Sirius seemed to be sharing some of the same emotions. He had warmed up to her considerably since she came back.

Natalie felt someone shift beside her. Had someone been there the whole time? Her thoughts were miles away and she scolded herself mentally for not paying closer attention to her surroundings. She glanced to her left and inhaled sharply when she saw Bellatrix Black.

"Alone at last," she said and latched her bony hand over Natalie's mouth to keep her from screaming.

Bellatrix dragged Natalie into a hallway away from the party's guests. Pinning her against the wall, Bellatrix withdrew her hand from Natalie's mouth but only moved it down to her throat, clutching it so that Natalie could only take shallow breaths.

"What are you two doing here," Bellatrix demanded, not bothering to form it into a polite question.

Sirius was right, then, that the people at the party were suspicious of them. Bellatrix was obviously a Death Eater, perhaps one that was more trusted than the rest since she was the one doing the questioning. There were four other men behind her.

"Well?" she demanded again, squeezing her fingers just a bit tighter.

Natalie gasped for air, trying to keep the breath in her lungs long enough to get words out. Her hands clawed at Bellatrix's fingers in a desperate attempt to unhinge them from her throat.

"Just for the party," she spluttered, not having enough air to speak an actual entire sentence.

"You're a liar," Bellatrix whispered menacingly. "I know you work for the Order. Are you here working for them?"

"We have nothing to do with any such order. Put her down."

Sirius had found them. His voice was low and intimidating, almost a growl, and Natalie had flash backs to the night on the Hogwarts grounds when she saw him in his other form. It felt like an eternity had passed since then.

Bellatrix lightened her hold on Natalie slightly, but still kept her fingers in their place.

"We do not work for anyone. We stay out of such murderous politics. It's useless to pick sides when both will lose," he said, taking a step toward his cousin, not taking his angry eyes away from her. "I said, put her down."

No one moved for a moment. They were all taking in Sirius' words. Bellatrix's hand loosened and dropped from Natalie's neck. Natalie's own fingers caressed her throat tenderly, feeling a bruise forming even then. Sirius placed both of his hands on her shoulders and turned them around, away from the hallway and back to the party.

"Have a good evening, cousin," they heard Bellatrix say from behind them.

Once they were back in the crowd of guests, Sirius grabbed Natalie by her elbow and dragged her through the main room, into a side hallway, through a bedroom, into an identical looking hallway and stopped in front of a particularly insignificant patch of wallpaper.

Sirius shoved his hand into his pocket and fished out his wand. He touched the tip of the wooden wand to the wall and suddenly, as if Natalie had looked away for more than the amount of time it took to blink, there was a door imbedded in the wall.

He wasted no time. Pushing on the door it gave way and opened to a small room, filled with a few chairs, pillows and blankets, books and odd bits of parchment. Sirius closed the door again and Natalie heard rather than saw the click of a lock. It was very dark in the room, which was really more of a large closet, and she could hardly see anything until Sirius lit the tip of his wand. 

"What is this place?" she whispered, not sure if the walls would betray her.

"We're safe, for the time being," he said, kicking around some rubbish on the floor and bringing two chairs closer together. He sat in one and motioned for her to take the other. "I used to hide in here for hours when I lived here. No one knows about it but me. And you, now."

Natalie sat, but her back was rigid against the wood of the chair. Nothing so violent had ever happened to her directly before. Certainly the death of her mother and the burning of her flower shop were plenty violent but it was quite different when the violence is brought upon a person physically. She was shaking, just barely noticeably, but sat on her hands in case Sirius was watching.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

She nodded. "A bit, yeah. This is my first time doing anything like this."

"Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters will no doubt be looking for us. She wouldn't let us leave this party that easy. We'll be safe in here for a while, until we can sneak out of the house and apparate back to headquarters."

Natalie nodded. She absentmindedly moved her hand from under her legs to her shoulder, the one with the scars from Sirius' claws, and stroked the lines on her skin. It was a nervous habit of hers, one formed after the attack that carried on even after the wounds were healed.

"Why haven't you gotten rid of the scars?" Sirius asked, watching her every movement. "I'm sure there's some potion out there that would erase them."

"I don't mind them," she said, being completely honest. "They remind me of a simpler time."

"Being attacked by a werewolf was a simpler time?" he asked, chuckling slightly.

The noise of him laughing brought an immediate smile to her face. She hadn't heard that sound in so very long, too long. "Much simpler, compared to now," she said.

It was quiet for a moment and Natalie knew that Sirius was thinking of something to say. Would he try to be funny? She hoped he wouldn't. She wanted him to say what was really on his mind, or rather, in his heart. She wanted to rekindle their relationship, but after leaving him she wouldn't dare make the first move. She hurt him in ways she would never be able to comprehend, and couldn't truly tell what he wanted.

"I'm glad they found you," he said, his voice low but not dangerous this time.

Natalie shook her head slightly. "I should have never left."

His hand touched her shoulder gently, tracing the scars just as she had. His face was very close to hers, and when their lips finally met it was electric. All the time and space that had separated them for so long fell away and the only thing they could concentrate on was each other.

After hiding in the room for a while longer, Natalie and Sirius made their way out to the street in front of the party without being seen. They apparated together back to headquarters.

It was very late at night and all the rest of the members of the Order that lived there were fast asleep. Sirius and Natalie made their way up the stairs silently, not wishing to wake anyone. Sirius' door was the first on the right after reaching the top of the steps, and Natalie's was two doors after. As she went to pass him to get to her room, he grabbed her by her waist and pressed her body into his. Their lips found each other again, but this time it was hungrier, more desperate.

Sirius' hand was tangled in Natalie's hair while the other held her tightly to him. She had his head cradled in both her hands but all she was thinking about were his warm lips and how familiar he tasted; it was like coming home after a trip that was just a bit too long.

Natalie's bedroom door stayed unopened that night.


	20. Chapter 20

What a whirlwind the next few months were after that exhilarating night at the Black family party. Natalie proved herself a vital part of the Order for her part in securing the knowledge that Bellatrix Black was indeed a Death Eater, though her part was admittedly less brave and impressive than Sirius'. Dumbledore insisted that a more rigorous training schedule for her be implemented at once, so her mornings and afternoons were spent learning an abundance of hexes, charms, jinxes and the like.

James and Remus were in charge of most of her training, since Sirius had started declining to have anything to do with it almost immediately after the party. To everyone else it may have seemed that he was still angry with Natalie but she knew better. They had been seeing each other behind closed doors and in the dead of night ever since their passions got the better of them that night. He didn't have the heart to train her, to put her into situations where he knew he would have to hurt her on purpose for the sake of her gaining knowledge and strength. She told him repeatedly that it wouldn't hurt her feelings, that she knew he didn't mean it, but he was insistent and refused to the point that the other two Marauders had to step in.

When she was still working at the humble flower shop, thinking she loved her fake muggle life, if anyone had told her that in less than a year she would be standing outside of a known Death Eater's house, wand at the ready beside a handful of Order of the Phoenix members, she would have laughed in their face and more than likely called them an undesirable name. However, that's exactly where she found herself all those months later.

She was on a mission to find a known Death Eater and bring him to the Ministry for questioning. James was with her, along with a few others from the Order. Dumbledore always sent out a fair amount of muscle in case something went wrong.

The group waited silently, wands clutched in their hands all the while, squatting behind bushes and leaning against trees until someone finally emerged from the street with a pop in the early hours of the morning. Warm colors could be seen peeking over the horizon, the sun threatening to push its rays through the skies and wake the world in just a short while. The hidden people started to move quietly after the man, who's silhouette they could just make out going up the path to the dark house ahead.

Dumbledore had pulled Natalie aside the night before and told her that he wanted her to take the lead on this particular mission, to see how she handled the added leadership in addition to the task at hand. He knew that she could defend herself properly and could even bring a person to justice, but wanted to know that she could keep her fellow Order members safe in the process. It was something that he wanted every member to be able to do. The more each person could do, and do well, the better off the entire Order would be.

Natalie was at the front of the pack as they all stalked up the path after the man. She motioned for them to move to the side, back into the shadows, once she realized the man had reached the front door. She saw him fiddle with his wand, heard a door unlock, and lights flooded the inside of the house. She had been right in moving them out of sight, as the man turned toward the street and raked his eyes across the front yard looking for anything out of place, just as she suspected he would.

When she was certain that he had closed the door and gone about his business indoors, she started moving again. This time, though, she whispered for two of the people to stay outside and keep watch in case other Death Eaters arrived without their knowing. Natalie and James continued toward the house, opened the door quietly with their wands, and slipped inside without a sound.

There was no need to stop and think of a plan. James and Natalie both knew what needed to be done. Natalie had gone on enough of these missions by now that it was second nature for her, and since James had been in the Order for a year longer than she had he could practically go through the steps in his sleep.

First, they would need to creep behind him until they were certain they had him cornered. Then, the confrontation. One person would wordlessly send a curse his way, rendering him momentarily useless, while the other quickly made their way to him, binding him with their wand so that he would be able to get away. There would be no questioning necessary on site; the team would simply quiet the man with a spell and apparate him to the Ministry immediately, where he would be taken and they would be thanked and sent on their way.

That is precisely what Natalie thought would happen on this night. Finding the man sitting at a small table in the small, sorry looking kitchen, James sent the curse through his wand and Natalie walked quickly to the man, expecting him to be stunned at the very least when she reached him. Everything happened so quickly, though, that Natalie realized only a second too late that the curse had just missed the man and hit the leg of the table instead.

She saw the table leg burst and buckle underneath the weight of the table top and the clutter resting on it. She tried to slow her steps but her momentum kept her moving until she was too close to the Death Eater, a man that was only a few years her senior but already had too many wrinkles and graying hair. He had seen what was happening and grasped his opportunity to grab Natalie by the hair and pull her against his chest, protecting him from any harm the other members of the Order might have thrown at him.

James had his wand pointed at the man, though his eyes looked weary. The front door opened with a bang and the two other people, a short man and a wide woman, rushed into the kitchen, wands drawn just as James' was.

"Surely you wouldn't hurt one of your own," the Death Eater said, one hand tangled tightly in Natalie's hair, the other pinned against her chest so that she couldn't move away from him.

"Let her go and we'll compromise," James said loudly, perhaps trying to scare the man.

The Death Eater simply laughed. "There will be no compromising, boy. You let me run out the front door with no harm and the pretty blonde may go with you."

"Let her go," James said, repeating himself.

Before anyone could say another word, Natalie quickly, and with as much force as she could muster in her position, thrust her head back and made contact with the man's nose. She heard a nasty crack and in that instant he let go of her hair, bringing both hands to his face, and she ran to the other end of the kitchen out of danger's way.

"You bitch!" the Death Eater screamed. "How dare you fight me like a muggle? You broke my nose!"

He staggered and braced himself against the wall, bringing down one hand and reaching for his wand at the same time. The man was quick and took out the other two members of the Order with two flicks of his wand, leaving James and Natalie. All three of them had their wands out and pointed at the enemy. James knew that the man was quicker than he and Natalie put together and hoped she would realize this as well.

"Let him go," he said quietly to Natalie, and he saw her lower her wand slightly in recognition.

The man heard this and started to move towards the entrance of the kitchen, intending to leave from the front of the house. Stepping over the two incapacitated people he moved slowly, not taking his eyes off of James or Natalie. Before he disappeared into the other room to safety, he look at Natalie, menace in his eyes.

"I will not forget your face," was all he said before he broke out into a run and they heard him bound outside and disapparate.

James and Natalie recapped the failed mission to Dumbledore and she was not afraid or embarrassed to express her concern about the man's comments. The old wizard assured her that she did not have to be a part of any missions until they caught the Death Eater, or until she felt confident enough to return to field work.

She appreciated the gesture and thought herself silly for the first few weeks, assuming she was just being scared for no reason and trying to convince herself to just get over it and get back to work. Sirius thought she was being unreasonable as well until one night, a few weeks after the failed mission.

He and Natalie were in his room late at night, the only time they felt it was safe enough to truly be together without anyone else knowing. She was laying in his bed in one of his shirts and her underwear, slowly flipping through the pages of an old book from his shelves. Sirius was sitting on the sill of the window, smoking a cigarette and watching the muggle cars pass on the street below them.

"Nat," he said, suddenly, pulling her out of the trance that a good book always put her in.

"What?" she asked, but knowing just by the tone of his voice that something was wrong.

She got up and walked next to him, her feet making soft padding noises against the cold floor.

"Someone's down there," he said, his voice low.

"We live in London, people are outside at all hours of the night," Natalie said reassuringly.

But when she got to the window and looked out onto the street below, the breath caught in her throat. This was no rebellious muggle teen looking for someone to harass under the cover of darkness. No, this was someone that knew where the Order headquarters was supposed to be, but since Dumbledore had protective charms set over the entire building, the person below was simply staring into what they saw as invisible space.

"They're looking right at us," Sirius stated.

"How could they know where we are?" she asked, not able to hide the fear from her voice.

"I don't know, but it's no coincidence that they have an idea of where our headquarters are so soon after that bastard threatens you."

"You think they're out there waiting for me?"

"Perhaps you were right to be a bit nervous," he said quietly, almost as if a thought had escaped that wasn't meant to be said aloud.

Reaching forward she yanked the curtains closed from either side of the window frame. Her heartbeat had quickened considerably, jaw clenched and stomach churning. Sirius noticed the sudden change in mannerisms and with a graceful flick put out his cigarette, shifting himself off the ledge.

"You're safe here," he placed his hands on either one of Natalie's shoulders. "They can look all they like but no one's getting in."

Hardly comforted, she kept her arms crossed tight in front of her. When Sirius pulled her towards his bed, though, she let him. He adjusted the blankets so they were both cuddled underneath and put the lights out with a wave of his wand, placing it down on the small table beside him.

"Don't worry, I've got you," he muttered, his voice low and lips just brushing her ear. He pulled Natalie close to his chest, hoping that wrapping her in his embrace would make her feel more at ease.

She relaxed into him, their bodies fitting together just right. As Sirius slowly drifted into his slumber, Natalie was wide awake, her mind reeling.

This was the precise reason she never wanted to be involved in the Order. The Death Eaters knew her now, really knew her. They had certainly singled her out before, with her mother and the flower shop, but this time was different. She had crossed paths with one of them, and surely that man went back to his people and did all they could to find out anything about her. Natalie was being followed, that was easy to see. The fear she felt deep in her chest was indescribable.


	21. Chapter 21

A shiver woke Natalie from her sleep, one deep enough to keep out thoughts from the previous night. She was groggy, confused, and took a moment to fully wake up and realize that Sirius was still beside her. He was propped up on one elbow, head in his hand, tracing a single finger slowly along the waistband of her underwear. The shirt she was wearing had shifted while she slept, now resting just a few inches above her hips.

"You're disturbing my slumber," Natalie whined into the pillow her face was buried in, trying to keep out the rays of early morning sunlight peeking through the curtains.

Sirius smiled lightly but said nothing. He moved his hand to Natalie's hip and let it slide up her side, under her shirt. She was still tucked under a mound of blankets but he could feel her back arch slightly at his touch. He let his fingers explore her skin, moving slowly yet deliberately, further and further north. When his hand reached her chest Natalie's breath caught ever so slightly.

She was wide awake now, no longer groggy or confused. She savored every movement Sirius made behind her. They were laying close, his chest pressed against her back, his arm lightly pinning hers to her side as his fingers traveled across her breasts. After a moment he moved his hand down again, hearing Natalie make a noise in protest. Sirius chuckled but kept his hand going lower, lower, lower.

He felt the heat between her thighs before he even touched her. He slipped his fingers underneath the waistband of her underwear and let his excitement and desire guide his movements. It wasn't long before Natalie couldn't take it anymore, flipping herself around, her lips finding his.

The kitchen was quiet when Natalie first entered that morning. She had quietly snuck out of Sirius' bedroom before the rest of the house had begun to stir. It wasn't uncommon for other members to stay overnight or find a place to sleep for a few hours if they didn't have time to go home, but for the most part, it was just the Marauders and herself that lived at the headquarters for the Order. It was easy for Natalie to be the first one to rise when the rest of the inhabitants of the house were young men that liked to stay up late and wake up even later. She didn't mind that hour or two of alone time in the mornings, when she would kiss Sirius on the cheek and tip toe out of his room, careful not to wake up the rest of their roommates, and shuffle down to the kitchen half asleep to put on the kettle. It was calming, really, to sit with her cup of tea and read the Prophet before the day started and the hustle and bustle of the people in the house got to be too overwhelming. It didn't hurt that no one ever caught her sneaking out of Sirius' bedroom that way, either.

It had been several months since the first night they spent together after Natalie joined the Order, and she found herself curling up with him in his room almost every night since. She didn't think either of them really knew why they were keeping it a secret from their friends, perhaps they just enjoyed the thrill of sneaking around, knowing they could be caught red handed at any moment. They had always found fun in slinking around the hallways and classrooms at night when they were in school, after all.

They were drawn to each other like magnets, they couldn't help it. They spent hours upon hours together in his room, sometimes talking and other times just enjoying being near each other while Natalie read a book or Sirius listened to the radio. It seemed as though they picked up right where they had left off before she disappeared, something that made Natalie extremely happy. As happy as she was, it was constantly in the back of her mind that they still hadn't talked about the year she was gone. Sirius only brought it up the one time, in the secret closet at his parent's house when he told her that he was glad she came back. Natalie hadn't said anything about it, afraid of how that kind of conversation might change how things were. Sirius never mentioned what he and the rest of their friends had done during their first year in the Order, no talk of different missions they went on or people they met. Natalie noticed, and in turn never mentioned her year alone, her time at the flower shop or the devastating circumstances that brought her back. It was strange, but it was almost as if there were an unspoken rule to leave the subject alone and not to ask any questions, as the others never said anything about it either. Though, maybe it wasn't unspoken. It wouldn't have been too ridiculous to think that Sirius told them not to talk about her absence.

She knew it pained him, how could it not? Natalie left without saying one word to any of them, seemingly dropping off the face of the earth for almost an entire year without letting anyone know where she was or that she was alive and doing well. There were so many unsaid things that floated between Sirius and herself that she knew they would eventually have to hash things out, to have a real conversation about it. Natalie was keeping quiet until Sirius initiated, until he decided it was time to push the topic. She had no right, she thought, to bring it up. It was his pain that she caused and she would just have to wait until he dropped the bomb.

Natalie was halfway through her tea and engrossed in a Prophet article - the current alignment of planets was causing garden gnomes all around the country to burrow underneath unsuspecting homes to throw obnoxious parties - when people started waking up and making their way into the kitchen.

Lily walked in and greeted Natalie cheerfully, going straight to the still piping hot kettle and making tea for herself and James, who came in a few seconds after her.

James grabbed an apple from a small wicker basket that was kept on one of the counters and took a few steps back to the table where Natalie was seated. Taking a bite out of the fruit, he reached out and swiped the newspaper out of her hands, sitting in the chair next to her with his left foot moving up to rest on his other knee.

"Right, I was done reading," Natalie muttered, nodding her head then looking pointedly at James. "Will you at least tell me what's at the end of the gnome article?"

"I'm not reading that shit, I'm looking at the Quidditch scores," he replied, acting as if Natalie were crazy to think he would be doing anything else.

"Give it back when you're done, then," she said, feigning annoyance.

"I'll give it back when I'm good and ready, thank you." James opened the paper with a snap, giving Natalie a teasing look and taking a sip of the tea Lily had placed in front of him. With a disapproving look, Lily took the paper from his hands and sat across from him, starting to read it instead.

Remus was the next one to come in. "Morning, all," he mumbled through a yawn, taking a seat at the table next to Lily. Peter scurried in behind him, heading straight to the refrigerator. "Anything interesting on the front page?"

Lily glanced up from the paper, shaking her head at the question. "No, nothing that I can tell. Not Order related, anyway. There is a new book on how to converse with your Muggle neighbors, though, if you're interested in that."

"Can't say that I am," Remus said, chuckling lightly. "Morning, Padfoot."

Sirius made his way into the kitchen, walking behind Natalie and taking a seat on her other side and glancing up at her. "You're up early, as always," he commented, making himself sound mildly interested. Natalie saw the mischievous glint in his eye and it made the corners of her mouth twitch in an attempt to hide a smile, recalling how he had woken her up earlier.

"I got a good night's sleep, my bed is very comfortable," she said, vaguely, before taking a sip of her tea. Sirius liked to play games like this with her, trying to see how far he could push her before she lost her composure.

James looked up at her, tossing his finished apple into a trash bin nestled in a corner behind the table. "You know, I knocked on your door last night, maybe around 10? I had a question."

She paused, two hands around the cup in front of her. "What was your question?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter now, I figured it out. Where were you, though? I didn't think you went to sleep that early," he asked, turning his body to face her more with his arms crossed in front of him, looking at her curiously.

Natalie knew quite well where she was at around 10 the night before, and Sirius did, too, for that matter. He was pretending as though he wasn't interested in the conversation whatsoever, getting up to make his own cup of tea by the stove. She knew he was listening, though, even as his back turned away from the table. "I...must have been in the bathroom."

James furrowed his eyebrows, looking confused. His hand came up next to his face, one finger itching a spot on his temple just underneath the frame of his glasses. "Huh. I didn't know there was a toilet inside your room, Sirius."

Natalie felt her eyes widen as she stared at a spot in the middle of the table. She saw Sirius drop his head back in defeat out of the corner of her eye as she glanced around the room. James had a triumphant smirk on his face, head turned to look at Sirius, waiting for him to say something. Lily was hiding behind the newspaper, just her eyes and top of her head showing, looking from Natalie to James to Sirius. Remus was attempting to stifle a grin by taking a sip of tea.

Sirius turned around and looked at all of them, leaning back into the counter and onto his elbows, a cup of his own in his left hand. He threw up his right hand lazily, rolling his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips, "How long have you all known?"

"Please," James had a look on his face that suggested Sirius knew better than to ask him that. "We knew the day after you slept together."

"James!" Lily attempted to scold him but couldn't hide a smile or keep a laugh out of her voice. He didn't take her seriously.

"We got tired of waiting for you two to say something," Remus said, looking as though he thoroughly enjoyed watching how embarrassed Natalie had gotten.

"Well, secret's out now, I suppose," Sirius said, making himself sound disappointed. He set down his cup on the counter and walked across the kitchen. He stopped behind Natalie's chair, reached down and placed his hand under her chin, pulled her face up towards his and planted a kiss square on her lips, in front of everyone. His thumb brushed her jaw and she felt him smile into the kiss just slightly.

The room erupted in voices saying 'Get a room!' and 'Gross!' and laughter before the conversation turned into something different.

The barn that the Order used for training was full of movement and noise. James and Sirius trained together in a large open area, spells flying and wands waving quickly. They were good training partners, each knew the other's weaknesses and focused on trying to work through and diminish them without getting terribly injured. Remus and Natalie were on the other side of the barn, practicing a new disarming spell on each other repeatedly to get the hang of it. Lily was working with Peter in a secluded corner, being the only one that had enough patience to teach the stubby little wizard new spells. It took him a long time to get a grasp on anything new, but Lily was calm and gentle with him, never losing her temper like the others had in the past.

"Anyone else up for a duel?" James said, slightly out of breath and looking for an excuse to rest.

"What, getting tired already?" Sirius asked, smirking condescendingly and spinning his wand in his hand.

Natalie stepped away from where she was with Remus. "I will." She knew Sirius wouldn't want to train with her, he hadn't done so ever since they started seeing each other again. Natalie walked closer to him, hoping he wouldn't say no automatically. He was a good fighter and she could learn a thing or two from him.

"Nat..." he said slowly, giving her a look that she knew meant 'not gonna happen'.

She raised her eyebrows and moved her hands to her hips, shooting him a challenging look, knowing just how to get under his skin. "Scared to fight a girl?"

Just as she expected, Sirius narrowed his eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Let's see what you've got," he said, positioning himself on one end of the barn and waiting for her to make her way to the other side.

Their friends had stopped what they were doing, surprised that Sirius agreed to duel and highly interested to see how it would play out. Sirius nodded in her direction, staring her down. "Ladies fir-"

Natalie flug her hand out from her side, wand pointed at Sirius, yelling a spell before he could finish talking. He was surprised but moved to the side quickly, not letting the effects of the spell hit him. There was a look of mischief on his face, laughing to himself as his breath quickened, and he took a step forward and hurled his own spell across the room, hitting Natalie in the leg before she could dodge it and sending her flying back a few feet. She landed on her hip, facing away from him and he immediately started moving towards her, thinking he hurt her and cursing himself on the inside for agreeing to duel with her. Before he realised what she was doing, Natalie had flipped herself around, feet sending dust flying everywhere and hit him with a disarming spell. Sirius' wand flew from his hand and clattered off to the ground beside him.

Nodding in good-hearted defeat, he said, "Very nice, very nice." Just as he was about to reach for the wand, Natalie used one of her legs to sweep his feet from underneath him and he landed on his back hard. All the breath he had was blown from his lungs and he laid there for a moment, trying to get it back and slowly get his bearings.

She appeared in his vision, standing over him with an innocent smile on her face. "You were holding back," she accused him, extending her hand towards him.

Sirius shook his head, rolling his eyes. "And you used muggle tricks," he said, reaching up to grab her outstretched hand and heaving himself up onto two feet.

"Worked, didn't it?" she asked, dusting her jeans off with both hands, her wand once again in her back pocket.

"It's cheating," he joked, his ego too large to let her have a complete victory. "You're supposed to use your magic."

Natalie held out a finger, her chin raising up as she looked down her nose at him. "Ah, but that's what they'll expect me to do. This will catch them off guard."

Sirius chuckled, shaking his shirt out so dust and debris fell off his shoulders lightly. He started making his way towards the rest of the group. "I'm done for the day, anyone else starving?"

Agreeing, they each disapparated back to headquarters, leaving a few seconds in between each person. They had to disapparate directly onto the front stoop in order for the cloaking spell to keep them hidden, then quickly jump inside so the next person would have room. Natalie was the last to go, waiting a bit so that Peter could shuffle inside the house. Wand in hand, she twisted hard, keeping the image of the house and the front stoop clear in her mind. The squeezing feeling always left her breathless and a bit disoriented, especially when going from a darkened barn to the bright midday sun.

Her feet were supposed to land on the solid step of the house's front stoop, however she landed on something softer instead. Peter hadn't moved inside quick enough, and as Natalie apparated almost on top of him, she stumbled, trying to catch herself on the railing connected to the steps. Her wand fell out of her hand and a surprised noise escaped her lips, finally finding her footing and steadying herself a few feet away at the end of the walkway in front of the house.

The front door opened, a Remus' head peeking out after hearing Natalie cry out. "Peter, what the hell!" Natalie all but shouted, turning around and bending over to pick up her wand.

Popping sounds in front of her made Natalie snap up instantly, wand in hand and positioned in front of herself. Her stomach dropped when she saw the dark cloaks and masks covering the faces of the people in the street. Six Death Eaters stood in front of her, unwavering, wands at the ready. Frozen in fear, she willed herself to move back, to disapparate away from there, send a spell flying, to do something, anything. There was noise and shuffling behind her, but she didn't take her eyes off of the enemies only a few feet away. She knew immediately that these had to have been the same men that were looking for her from the street the night before. They were here for her, she was sure of it.

"Stay right there," the Death Eater closest to her said, wand raising up to chest level and pointing directly at her. His voice was quiet and slick, speaking to someone behind her. She could see white blonde hair peeking out from the side of his hood.

"Nat, move back," Sirius said urgently. He was only a few feet behind her. If she could move quick enough, she might be able to make it to him and inside the house before the Death Eaters could make their move.

"That would be unwise," the blonde Death Eater spoke slowly, taking a step towards Natalie. She was starting to shake now, adrenaline and nerves reaching her bloodstream, her heart pounding in her chest and causing her to breathe unevenly. "You will come with me."

"She's not going anywhere with you, don't you touch her!" Sirius yelled. Natalie heard footsteps behind her, James and Remus must have been on the steps as well.

She had to chance it, she couldn't stay cemented on the walkway forever. The Death Eater in front of her took another step towards her, wand still pointed at her ominously. The other masked wizards behind him began to close in, keeping little space between them, wands clutched in their hands just waiting for someone to make a sudden move. She counted down in her head, not taking her eyes off of the man getting ever close. Three, two, one...

It was almost as if everything moved in slow motion. Natalie whipped herself around, feet already starting to move quickly in her attempt to get away from the Death Eaters. Sirius, James and Remus were on the steps, wands pointed at the cloaked figures, other hands reaching out towards her to pull her in once she got close enough. She made eye contact with Sirius, flinging her hand out towards him, hoping he would be able to get ahold of her hand and whisk her into the house and out of harm's way. He took a step closer, watching her move frantically, seeing the fear in her eyes. Just as she got close enough to grab, Natalie felt a hand close tightly around her other wrist and she was pulled back, away from Sirius and her friends, away from the safety they promised.

Her wand was ripped from her hand and an arm snaked around the front of her shoulders, keeping her in place against the chest of the blonde Death Eater. His grip was hard and she knew right away she wouldn't be able to shake him off. He was several inches taller, and had no problem holding her still.

The Marauders looked at Natalie in horror, not able to make a move, to grab her away, to save her from the Death Eater's hold. Her captor moved back a few feet, not relenting his grip, forcing her to keep in step with him. His wand was still pointed at the people in front of the house, and even though he wore a mask, Natalie could tell he was smiling underneath as he quietly spoke. "Say goodbye, boys."

He twisted behind her, sending them flying through black space. Just as she lost sight of everything, she heard Sirius screaming, "No!"


	22. Chapter 22

Sirius bounded down the rest of the steps, his heart felt like it was beating a hole through his chest. He crossed the space between the steps and where Natalie had been last, turning around in circles and looking for her pointlessly. The Death Eaters were gone and had taken her with them. There was no way he could follow them or figure out where they had disapparated. Dread quickly filled every space in his body, his chest was tight and his stomach felt like he was going to be sick.

James and Remus followed him out into the street, looking around just as he had, perhaps for any clue of where they had taken Natalie. Lily was in the doorway to the house, hands over her mouth in horrified silence, tears in her eyes, looking like she was physically unable to move. Peter had scurried inside when he spotted the Death Eaters, obviously terrified at the mere sight of them. The boys stood with their wands held uselessly at their sides, waiting for anyone to have an idea of what to do next.

"They took her," Sirius said, not able to think or speak clearly. The words came out in almost a whisper as he found it hard to get air into his lungs.

"What would they want with her?" Remus asked, voice frantic, eyes darting around wildly as if he expected someone to pop back into the street at any second.

James' chest was heaving, adrenaline making it look like he had just run a long distance. "Were they waiting here? Did they know she would be here?"

"There was one out here last night," Sirius admitted, looking between the two other men. "The run in you two had a few weeks ago, that Death Eater must have taken it personally."

"What, you think this is some kind of revenge?" James asked incredulously. He was shaking his head, almost absentmindedly, thinking back on that encounter. "We didn't even do much to the guy, just hurt him a little."

"Doubt a Death Eater would take it so lightly," Remus said darkly, shooting Sirius an agreeing glance. "It's the only lead we have to go on, anyway. If we find him, maybe we find her."

Sirius gripped his wand harder, to the point that he could have easily cracked it if he had been more careless. "Lets go to the house, then." He squared himself off, as if he were ready to side-along apparate with James right that second.

"Mate," James said, cautiously, knowing that his friend was worried beyond belief and wanting to make a move and make it quick. "We should think about this, figure out a plan before we go jumping around Death Eater's houses unprepared."

Sirius' eyes darted to James, anger flaring up inside him. "Did you not see what just happened?" He yelled, not caring if muggles could hear him or not, flinging his hand out to the side in the direction that the masked men were standing just a moment before. "They've got her, we can't waste any time thinking about anything, we have to go get her back before they do something!"

"We know, Sirius, but there's no sense in jumping in there and getting ourselves killed if she's not there," Remus spoke slowly, trying to bring calm and sense to the situation, ever the mediator. He held his hands out in front of him lightly, trying to get Sirius to focus on him instead of his fear and anger. "We will find her, we just have to take a moment and figure out where to look."

James grabbed Sirius by the shoulder, leading him towards the house. "Come on, we'll send a message to Dumbledore and figure out what to do. We'll get her back." His tone was assuring, even hopeful. Sirius allowed his friend to walk him inside, agreeing to talk first instead of jumping right into action, even though he wasn't happy about it.

Sirius was shaking, both from anger, adrenaline and immense fear. He noticed James bring him to the table and felt himself sit in a chair, hands clenched into fists in his lap, wand still held tightly in his hand. He stared at a spot on the wall opposite him, not able to tear himself away from his thoughts long enough to join in the conversation going on around him. All he could think about was how he almost got to her, his fingertips just barely brushed her's before she was torn away. The image of her yelling out for him, arm outstretched in his direction, terror in her eyes, was etched in his mind to the point where he could see it even when his eyes were open. He tried to blink it away, tried to focus on his friends who were sending a message to the elder wizard in a hopeful attempt to gain control of the situation. The lump in his throat threatened to make its way out in the form of a sob but he bit it back, not letting himself succumb to the fear and sorrow he felt so strongly at that moment. No, he had to be fierce and strong and angry and he had to get her back. He would get her back, no matter what.

When Natalie's feet hit solid ground she broke away from the Death Eater's grip around her shoulders, backing up until she felt there was enough distance between herself and the strange man. She felt completely unprotected and vulnerable without her wand. She wrapped her arms around herself, subconsciously keeping herself closed off from anyone around her.

"Where am I?" she demanded, voice wavering slightly despite her attempt to make it sound hard and intimidating. She cursed silently, willing herself to be strong and keep her shit together.

She and the Death Eater were in a large room with glittering black marble floors and high ceilings, large white pillars littered the room decoratively. A massive ornate fireplace sat against one wall but there was no fire blazing. The room was quiet and cold, her voice echoed around it eerily. The hair on the back of Natalie's neck stood on end, she didn't recognize this place at all and that fact made her feel that much more fear. She had no idea where she was, who the cloaked man in front of her was, why he and the other Death Eaters took her, what they wanted with her.

The man started to move and Natalie tensed, taking another step backwards. He chuckled quietly, turning around and moving purposefully across the room where he stopped in front of a small table. She watched his every move, making sure she knew where he was and what he was doing at every second. Her eyes darted around quickly, trying to discern where she could get out of this room if she decided to make a run for it. The man was taking off his mask and placing it gently on top of a stand that was on the table, keeping the mask from touching the surface of the table, almost as if it were a beautiful and treasured object. Both hands reached up and he removed the hood from his head, revealing shoulder length white blonde hair. He turned back around and faced her, and for a moment she thought she recognized the man.

"This is my home," he offered simply, extending a hand and waving it in front of him elegantly, as if he were showing off the room. "Malfoy Manor."

The name Malfoy definitely triggered her memory, she knew there had been a student a few years older than herself with that name when she first went to Hogwarts. She knew nothing about him, other than he had been in Slytherin, a prefect if memory served, and a self righteous one at that, always giving younger students detentions for no good reason.

"And what exactly am I doing in your home?" she asked, trying to figure out what was happening. She didn't know this person, why would he have taken her here? "I don't remember asking for a tour."

The blonde man raised an eyebrow, perhaps surprised by her sarcasm considering her circumstances. "You're quite rude, aren't you?" he asked rhetorically, moving back across the room towards her, each step made slow and deliberately. "You're here because you have information we want."

Natalie's eyebrows moved in towards each other, confused. What information did they want? She didn't know anything important, at least she didn't think she did. Not taking her eyes off him, keeping her distance, she responded with attitude. "Well if you wanted my treacle tart recipe all you had to do was ask, no need for kidnapping."

The Death Eater chuckled again but his eyes showed no amusement. They bore into her, intimidating and scaring her even if she was trying her damndest not to let it show on the outside. "I truly have no desire to go through the niceties, I hope you don't mind if we cut to the chase." He was only a few feet from her now, and she had no more room to back away from him, the heels of her shoes hitting one of the giant white pillars and keeping her in place. "Tell me about the Order of the Phoenix."

Her stomach dropped. She should have known that's what this was about. It wasn't surprising, really, since the Order had been doing essentially the same thing that was happening to her right now, taking Death Eaters and handing them over to the Ministry for questioning. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on her, even through the fear that was clouding her mind. Though, she had a sinking feeling that the Death Eaters weren't going to be quite as civilised in their attempts to retrieve information from her. She looked around again, trying to find a way to get herself out of the room and away from the Malfoy man. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, so sorry."

His eyes narrowed. "Now, we both know that's not true, don't we?" He asked the question yet it sounded more like a threat. He took another step towards her, closing the gap between them and making her heart beat even faster than it already was. "We know you're a part of this little 'order', so why don't you make this easy and quick and tell me everything you know."

"Who is 'we'?" Natalie asked, trying to stall, trying to find a way out of this. She couldn't give them any information, she knew that much. Perhaps she didn't know any big secrets, she was by no means Dumledore's right hand man or confidant. The things she did know, however, would endanger all the people that fought for the Order, her friends included. She couldn't say a word about it, she had to get out of there.

"The Death Eaters, the Dark Lord," he supplied, sounding bored at the question. "We know of quite a few of the people that are in league with this Order of the Phoenix."

"Just the luck of the draw to grab me away, then?" she asked, anger filling her voice and making sure the man heard every ounce of it.

"Goodness, no," he laughed lightly, shaking his head but not taking his eyes off of her, only a few steps away from her now. "No, we've been watching you, though you know that already, don't you? Truthfully, you seemed to be the easiest target, the one who would bend the quickest, give us the most information."

"Hate to disappoint," he said, pretending as though she was giving bad news, distracted by the fact that she could hear her heart beating loud in her ears. "I don't know anything about the order of phoenixes or whatever you're asking me. If you'd give me my wand back, I'll be on my way." She reached her hand out towards him, palm facing the ceiling in hopes that she could get out of this that easily.

She regretted putting herself in that position very quickly. The blonde Death Eater grabbed her quickly, his thin hand surprisingly strong around her forearm. Bringing her arm in front of her, ignoring her protests of 'You're hurting me! Let me go!', he slammed her hard into the pillar, surely bruising her shoulder blades. His other hand grabbed her other wrist, keeping her under his control. "I'm not one to give multiple chances, so I would give great consideration to answering the question." His voice was menacing, his face close enough to hers that she could feel his breath when he spoke. "I'll ask one more time, what do you know about the Order of the Phoenix?"

Natalie gave him a despising look that did nothing to disguise her anger. "I know nothing," she said, almost spitting the words at him.

The man held her gaze a moment longer, as if he was deciding what to do with her. Pushing away from her, he dropped her hands roughly. Natalie rubbed her arm, it was red and tender from how strong his fingers held her. He was walking away from her, across the room once again. "Such a shame," he said, the words making their way out of his mouth slowly, delicately.

Fear fluttered through her entire body. "Why's that?" She asked tentatively.

"I'm under strict orders, you see," he reached the other side of the large room, extended his hand towards a door hidden from Natalie's view. "If you decided not to speak to me, I've been told to put you in the hands of...well, let's call him a specialist." He opened the door, looking straight forward and acknowledging someone with a slight nod of his head.

The person behind the door walked forward and Natalie's stomach lurched when her eyes caught sight of him. She took in the graying hair and face full of small wrinkles, recognition flooding through her mind - it was the man from the Order's failed mission weeks ago. His voice echoed in her ears, 'I will not forget your face' . So, they had been correct in thinking that he would seek some sort of vengeance against her. He must have been the reason she appeared on the Death Eater's radar in the first place. She should have known better than to, as the Death Eater put it, 'fight like a muggle', with someone who was following the wizard obsessed with keeping bloodlines pure and free from being tainted by muggles.

Natalie was really starting to panic now, and kept searching the surprisingly barren room for a weapon or way out, anything that could help her get away from the worsening situation. The graying Death Eater greeted the blonde man, sounding pleasant. "Lucius, good to see you. Thank you for letting me use your home."

"Of course, Gideon, my pleasure." So, Lucius Malfoy was the blonde man's name? Natalie committed it to memory, consciously keeping a list of the people she may come into contact with so she could tell Dumbledore. And, perhaps for her own benefit as well, depending on how quickly she got back to headquarters she might be tempted to exact some revenge herself.

The man who went by Gideon was sidling across the room, taking his time, eyeing the space around him. He was tall, several inches taller than Natalie, and seemed to be in very good shape, two advantages he already had over her. She could hold her own in a fight, however her chances didn't look good if she had to go up against him, what with his physical superiority and her lack of a wand. His eyes finally landed on Natalie, his gaze unwavering, not slowing his pace until he stopped right in front of her.

"Remember me?" he asked, his hands were stuffed in the pockets of the dark jeans he wore, arms covered with a black jacket. For someone that detested muggles and their way of fighting, he didn't seem to mind dressing like them. "My nose is back to normal, thanks for asking."

She stayed silent, meeting his gaze but withering back slightly, her attitude diminishing. She couldn't think of how to get out of that place. Maybe she could slip them a lie, a bit of information that may seem legitimate but wouldn't cause any harm for the Order? Natalie tried to think of something, but her thoughts were interrupted.

"My name is Gideon Rowe," he said, keeping his voice light, still laced with the pleasantness from a moment before. "I'm assuming you decided not to share any information with Lucius, is that correct? I was told my services would only be required under that pretense."

Natalie shifted her feet, extremely nervous and anxious to get away from the two dangerous men. "I think I've remembered something, actually. It just took me a bit to recall." She lied through her teeth, thinking this was the only way she would make it out of this room alive. Surely this man was going to kill her if she didn't have any useful or pertinent information? That's what Death Eaters did, after all. They killed anyone who got in their way, held them back, people they thought were beneath them. Right now, Natalie hit the mark on all three, and her confidence was nonexistent.

Gideon Rowe shook his head. "No, no, that offer has come and gone. And besides, don't you think it would be quite the coincidence for you to suddenly remember after being so steadfast in saying you knew nothing?" He took a step closer to her, barely any distance between them, hands still in his pockets. He looked at her intently, his eyes were dark, almost deadly. "You're going to have to try harder than that to fool me."

Her breath was shallow. She should have lied right away, perhaps they would have let her go? No, she couldn't fool herself, they would have killed her either way. Terrified, fear gripping her so hard her chest felt like it would crack under the pressure at any second, she was at least proud of herself for not giving up the Order in her final moments. She didn't want to die, not like this, not at the hands of a Death Eater, not after trying so hard to stay out of the war. But if death was inevitable, she might as well face it head on, really piss off these men by not giving them the satisfaction of seeing her crumble. She steeled herself, set her shoulders back and waited for the man to make his move.

He was watching her every movement and saw that she suddenly held herself with more confidence. He didn't acknowledge her change in demeanor. "You're going to come with me downstairs, now." His hand reached out and grabbed Natalie by her arm, his grip was strong and his movements were very quick.

She tried to pull herself out of his hand to no avail. This was not happening like she thought it would, why wasn't he going to just kill her on the spot? "Why? No, let me go!" She tried fighting him as he started to walk, trying to dig her heels into the floor to stop herself. He yanked her hard, causing her to stumble over her own feet.

The man made his way back towards the door he had come out of, dragging Natalie alongside himself, not concerned if he was causing her pain. He didn't answer her question, ignored the rest of the protesting sounds she made as he walked through the door, held open by Lucius, and pulled her down a flight of stone steps. He kept pulling her arm forward when she tried to get away, causing her to trip down a step or two.

Natalie struggled against his hand, trying with all her strength to pry his fingers away from her arm as he yanked her down a dark and dingy hallway. There were a few doors on either side of the hall but only one was open, the very last door on the right side. Rowe pushed her inside roughly, her back turned away from him and she heard the large, heavy, solid wood door close and lock behind her. She attempted to take in her surroundings but was cut short. The Death Eater grabbed her shoulder and pushed her around to face him. He abruptly grabbed her neck in his hand and slammed her against the wall she had just been facing, her head cracking against the cement with a feeling of exploding pain. Natalie's hands immediately went up to claw at the hand he held against her throat, his fingers tightly cutting off her breath.

"They call me a specialist for a reason you know," he said, his eyes not leaving hers even for a second, making sure she was paying attention. His other hand came up next to her face and she caught a glimpse of his wand. "You are going to give me all the information you have, and I'm going to get it out of you nice...and...slow." He took his time speaking the last few words, their emphasis was not lost on Natalie. She was sputtering, trying her hardest to get air into her lungs, fingers clawing and legs kicking with no effect.

A smile crawled across Rowe's face, an unnerving, evil looking smile. "You and I are going to get to know each other very well." As he spoke, Natalie saw a spark of light come from the tip of his wand just before the whole world went dark.


	23. Chapter 23

It was cold. Very cold. Why was it cold?

Natalie opened her eyes slowly, forgetting for a few seconds where she was and how she had gotten there. She was on the floor in a dark, freezing room. There was a small stream of light coming in from under the door far to her left. No windows, no other ways in or out of the room except for the one heavy wooden door she had come in from. Her memories came flooding back, ruining the long seconds after she regained consciousness when her mind hadn't quite caught up with her yet. Being taken from headquarters, Malfoy Manor, the man named Gideon Rowe, being dragged into the basement...

Panic set in quickly. Natalie shot up from where she laid in the corner of the room on her side, head resting on the dirty floor. She had to get out of that place, away from the Death Eaters. Why weren't her hands moving? Natalie had gone to set her hands on either side of her so she might be able to stand, but noticed immediately that they would not separate. Looking down, she saw large iron shackles around her wrists, held together tightly with only a small space in between each cuff. There was a thick chain attached to the middle of the shackle that was anchored to the floor. Natalie stood, a bit clumsy without full use of her hands. The chain came up high enough that she could hold her hands just above eye level.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly, anxiety, nerves, adrenaline all pumping through her body. What was happening? Why was she chained up? What was that Death Eater going to do to her? How long before her friends found her? Natalie's mind was spinning and she forced herself to take several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She needed to think. She couldn't just wait for someone to come rescue her, she needed to find a way out of that basement and back to headquarters and soon, before anything could happen to her. There was no way of knowing what Rowe had planned for her but from how sinister he sounded before he knocked her out, she was not willing to stay put and find out.

Natalie tried to break free from the shackles that bound her hands. Pulling the chain free from the floor? No use. Slipping her hands out of the cuffs? Not a chance. Breaking the metal apart by slamming it on the floor? Not even close. She wasn't strong enough to follow through on any of her ideas, though not for lack of trying. After half an hour with no luck, Natalie sat on the floor and leaned back against the wall, sweat causing strands of hair to stick to her face, arms heavy and weak from putting all her strength into breaking the cuffs.

The dull feeling of hopelessness filled the back of her head. What if she never got out of that basement? What if she never saw her friends again, never saw Sirius again? What if Rowe tried to hurt her to get information about the Order? She wasn't physically strong enough to stand up to him, he was much larger than her and surely more experienced. She had no wand and even if she did, she wouldn't have the confidence or expertise to duel with a Death Eater that held such a high rank that others called him a 'specialist'.

No, it was far too soon to be thinking like that. Natalie pushed those thoughts and the feeling of utter despair out of her mind. She had to stay sharp if she was going to get out of there. No one from the Order had ever trained her for something quite like this seeing as nothing like this had ever happened to another member. It was silly that no one had ever thought of training members for a situation like the one she was in, especially since the Order helped the Ministry do something very similar to Death Eaters. She was never involved in the interrogation of the people that they handed over, but she was sure that the Death Eaters trained each other on how to stay silent. Certainly the war would be over or close to it if the Ministry had any luck getting information?

Training or not, she knew she couldn't tell these men anything. It would endanger everyone in the Order, their families, her friends, everyone. She couldn't risk that, she wouldn't be able to handle someone getting hurt or worse because she divulged information in an effort to save herself. She hoped that once the Death Eaters saw that she wasn't going to crack that they would let her go, cut their losses and move on to someone new. Natalie was strong enough, she could hold out until they got tired of her.

The door to her left opened, letting more light into the dingy room. Natalie took a chance to take in her surroundings while she could see momentarily. The room wasn't that big, the floor, walls and ceiling were all made of stone. Large black brackets holding melted candles hung from the walls towards the ceiling. There was a chair in the middle of the room, on the floor in front of it there was another anchor point like the one holding down the chain keeping Natalie in place. A wooden table was pushed against the wall on the opposite side of the room, completely bare and dusty looking. She didn't see anything that would help her out of the shackles and nothing she could have reached even if there were.

The Death Eater Gideon Rowe had made his way back into the room. Natalie didn't know how long she had been unconscious, the man was wearing the same clothes as the last time she saw him and there were no windows to see into the world outside. He raised a hand, wand held loosely, and waved it in the direction of the walls once, lazily. The candles lit one by one, bringing a warm, dim light into the room.

She had gotten up once Rowe fully entered the room, feeling that perhaps she'd have more leverage if she were standing in case a fight broke out. Her back was pushed against her corner of the room, shoulder blades hitting the cold stone walls on both sides. She was tense, understandably so.

Rowe stood in the middle of the room, staring at her unblinkingly. The way he looked at her made her heart rate quicken, not from excitement but rather from fear. It was almost as if he was sizing her up, trying to gauge how much of a threat she might be or how much trouble she might cause. He had a small smile ghosting across his face, one that didn't quite reach his eyes, one that left Natalie feeling uncomfortable and anxious.

He started to speak, slowly and quietly. "You never asked why I'm called a specialist."

Natalie swallowed, her throat felt like sandpaper. Her hands were held in fists in front of her, cuffed and useless. "Why are you called a specialist?"

His smile grew wider yet still his eyes stayed the same. Dark brown, the color of dirt and mud, and cold, unfeeling. "I'm the one they call when someone is being especially stubborn." He started moving again, pacing closer to her using precise and deliberate movements. Natalie watched his every move, acutely aware of the wand in his hand and her inability to move more than a few steps in any direction. "When they want information, and when they need someone to...force it out. I'm rather good at what I do. Like I said, you are going to tell me what information you have, whether you like it or not."

"So, what, you torture people?" Natalie noticed it was becoming harder to force air into her lungs. The palms of her hands were perspiring slightly.

"Yes, very good," Rowe replied, inclining his head towards her as if she had answered a question correctly and earned his praise.

"Right, well I don't have any information for you to torture out of me," she tried to sound unphased by her predicament, though her voice wavered slightly, giving her away. He noticed and she knew he did. "So let me go."

The smile that had been playing across Rowe's lips fell and Natalie's stomach fell at the same time. "I do not appreciate being lied to, Tally," he was almost whispering. A chill crawled down her spine at the name he called her, obviously a shortened version of 'Natalie'. It was funny, she never had a problem when Sirius or the others called her 'Nat', but the Death Eater in front of her calling her 'Tally' made her stomach churn. Funny as in - not at all funny, not even a little bit.

Rowe moved towards her. She hated how slow he moved, making it seem like he was enjoying himself, savoring her reactions and the fear that she couldn't hold back from showing through her features. She could feel her heartbeat in her ears, loud and thundering, making it hard to pay attention. "How many people are in the Order of the Phoenix?"

Natalie clenched her jaw and tried to steady her breathing. If she was going to lie through her teeth, she had better make it believable. "I don't know anything about this Order of the Phoenix. I said the same thing to your little friend upstairs."

He held her gaze for a moment longer, then heaved a sigh, seemingly disappointed. Turning around, his back facing Natalie, she could tell he was shaking his head as if she had said something truly unsatisfactory. "Oh, Tally, Tally, Tally." As he spoke, he rotated back around, facing her once again. Deadly serious now, no trace of a smile or smirk anywhere on his face, he raised his wand towards her. Softly, deadly, he said, "Crucio."

Natalie's body exploded in pain, She dropped to her knees instantly, crying out loudly without realising she was doing so. Pain was everywhere all at once, blinding and to the point that she couldn't concentrate on the world around her. Her head felt like her skull was splitting open under her skin. Her stomach clenched and cramped tightly, causing her to double over, her bound hands pushed against her torso. Her skin was hot and felt like someone was slicing her open with a knife repeatedly. The pain was so intense that her bones felt as if they were being crushed from the inside. She was screaming, eyes screwed shut, fists clenched tight, not able to handle how much wretched hurt was coursing through her body.

And then it was gone. Rowe lifted the curse and watched her slump over, laying on her side on the ground. Her breathing was heavy and ragged, her forehead glistened with sweat. Natalie's brain was moving slowly, thinking was almost like trying to see through a dense fog. She had never felt pain like that in her life, she didn't know anything could hurt so badly and from everywhere all at the same time.

"You're only making it harder on yourself by withholding information," Rowe said, his tone was even and he seemed completely unperturbed at causing her such immense suffering. He was pacing the ground in front of Natalie, taking his time. "Let's try again. Is Albus Dumbledore your leader?"

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. Her voice was quiet but she tried to keep it strong. The throbbing in every part of her body had faded, she told herself it hadn't been that bad. "I don't know anything." She wondered when Rowe would get bored with her, stop questioning her and let her go. Maybe a few days, but no longer than a couple weeks, surely. No one in their right mind would continue on a lost cause for longer than that.

His smile crept back onto his lips. "You're very foolish, aren't you?" Rowe walked closer to her, crouching down towards the floor, looking at her intently. "I can see you're attempting to be brave. Good for you, Tally."

Natalie wouldn't look at him. The overwhelming need to cry, to sob and to feel pity for herself, to wail and let herself become defeated, hit her hard. She felt her chin twitch but she bit it back, tensing her jaw and setting her lips tight so that nothing escaped. She wanted to cry but she needed to keep her wits about her, she needed to show she wasn't afraid and wouldn't bend, even if she wasn't confident about that on the inside.

Rowe hadn't stopped looking at her, watching her face move oddly, and she knew deep down that he could see right through her facade. A soft chuckle came from deep in his throat. "I am so excited to break you. And I will. Mark my words, I will absolutely ruin you." He stood again, leaving Natalie a terrified heap on the ground at his harsh words. She saw him turn away from her, lift his wand over his shoulder and, unseeingly, say, "Crucio," as she began to scream and thrash on the floor again.


	24. Chapter 24

In the backyard of a quaint little house nestled in the middle of a quaint little neighborhood just outside of London, Sirius sat on a set of steps that led up to the house's back door. It was a dreary day, wind whipping through the leafless branches of trees surrounding the house. Snow would be coming soon, he thought. He stared out into the wooded area beyond the neatly kept yard absentmindedly, not taking in anything specific, too lost in thought.

It had been six days since Natalie was taken. Six days since the Order was forced to abandon the house they had been living in and using as their headquarters. The Death Eaters knew where it was now and that meant it was no longer safe to live there or even to use it as a quick meeting place. Dumbledore had found another house, not terribly far from the old space, and made quick work of moving everyone's belongings from one house to the other. That's where Sirius was now, sitting still as a statue, trying to get his mind to focus.

He was trying to think of another plan, a different idea no one had thought about yet. After the Marauders told Dumbledore about Natalie's kidnapping they set to work immediately trying to track her down. They went to every place they could think of that they knew Death Eaters frequented, they requested the Ministry speak to Death Eaters they had in their custody to see if they knew anything, they asked the other members of the Order to keep their ears and eyes wide open for any trace of her. Nothing had worked, there were no leads and they were no closer to finding her than they were a week prior when the Death Eaters appeared in the street and ripped her away.

Sirius found it hard to concentrate on the task at hand. His thoughts kept slipping away to Natalie. Where was she? Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she even still alive? He shook his head, physically forcing the last thought from the front of his mind. It had crept into his brain quite a few times over the last few days, whether she might still be breathing or not. Death Eaters were notoriously unforgiving and hostile, Sirius wasn't sure what they wanted from her but if for some reason they couldn't get it, decided they didn't need her or that she was too much trouble he was certain they would dispose of her.

He had to keep some spark of hope within him because if he didn't, overwhelming guilt and grief would rear its ugly head and bury itself so deep into Sirius' chest that he wouldn't be able to breathe, wouldn't be able to move or to think straight. It was a pain he had never experienced before, not even when Natalie had left him at the end of their schooling and hadn't reappeared for months. That time, at least, he knew she had gone off on her own by choice. Of course he missed her and was angry at her and longed for her to return, of course the fact that she had left without a single word was painful. But knowing she was gone again, that she had been taken away by people that were evil and loathsome and hated witches and wizards that had muggle blood in them, witches like her, that was agonizing. He didn't know he could have so much dizzying worry inside his heart for someone or that the anger he felt everyday at the Death Eaters and at himself, for not being able to keep her safe, could keep him moving in a straight line.

The anger was the only emotion he really let show to anyone else, it was the only way he could continue on day to day without breaking down completely. Sirius knew it was affecting the others around him, his friends and other members of the Order that would come through the house time and again. He was sharp and snippy, had a short fuse when things didn't go his way or his friends shot down ideas he had, kept to himself way more than usual. They understood, of course, as they were all feeling something similar. James and Remus loved Natalie and looked at her as brothers would look at a sister. They wanted to keep her safe just as much as Sirius did, and they were wracked with guilt and anger over the situation as well. Lily was scared, naturally, as she was another muggle born witch and was nervous the Death Eaters would come back for her. James kept her at his side ceaselessly, only ever letting her out of his sight when he absolutely had to. Peter was scared, too, but then again, he was always frightened of something.

None of those feelings came close to the emotional battle Sirius was fighting in his head every day, and they all knew that. He raked his hands through his hair, a deep sigh heaving in his chest. He heard the door behind him and saw James and Remus coming out of the house as he turned around. James walked down the steps and leaned against the railing as Remus sat on the steps with Sirius, closer to the ground than he was.

"Dumbledore wants us to go out to a few places around London," James started, his arms crossed, protecting himself from the wind. He wore a thin sweater, not quite warm enough for the current season. "Says there's signs of Death Eater activity, wants us to see what we find."

Sirius said nothing, not particularly wanting to fill his time with what he thought of as 'busy work'. He wanted to find something that pointed to where Natalie was, and he wanted to find it now. Almost as if his mind were open and on display for anyone to see, Remus said, "The more of them we find, the closer we get to finding someone who knows where she is." Remus was quiet, trying to be the calm and reassuring voice he thought Sirius needed.

Staring out at nothing for another minute more, James and Remus not saying anything, Sirius finally got up. He stuck his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders up to his neck against the cold air. If he didn't keep moving, didn't keep searching for information and for answers, didn't keep trying to find her, he thought he would go insane. Nodding, he said, "Let's go, then," and walked up the steps into the house, the other two men following close behind.

A week had passed incredibly slowly, each second ticking by at an agonizing pace. The room at the end of the hall in the basement of Malfoy Manor was lit by the candles on the walls. Loud screaming could be heard through the thick wooden door all the way up into the first floor of the house. The screaming would occur several times a day for long intervals, only a few short hours of silence graced the house between Gideon Rowe's torture sessions.

In the stone room, Natalie was laying on her back, heaving breath into her lungs at an alarming rate. Tears streamed down her dirty face, leaving streaks across her cheeks where you could see the true color of her skin, not the gray and grimy color that existed there currently. Her eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling but seeing nothing, eyelashes clumped together from her salty tears. Rowe had been coming down into the basement every few hours for the past week to ask her questions about the Order, and casting the Cruciatus Curse on her when he didn't receive an answer. She still hadn't said anything about the Order, refusing to endanger her friends and give Rowe the satisfaction of getting information out of her. She still had the mental fight in her to do that, at least.

Rowe spun his wand around his fingers, looking as if the constant torture of the woman in front of him was an every day occurrence, like he couldn't care less about the torment he was putting her through. "We've been at this for six days already, did you know that?" He spoke like he was conversing with someone he just met, polite and measured. "I've got to say, I'm impressed with you. I thought you would have given up by now."

Natalie didn't respond. She refused to engage in his demeaning chatter in between curses, hoping that it pissed him off not to see her get riled up. Her heart rate was coming back down, her breathing becoming more even and normal. She didn't get up from where she was laying on the floor. There was no use, the second she got up Rowe would hit her with the curse again, and she had a much higher chance of injury the further she was from the floor. The first time he cast the curse on her a week ago she had been standing, had fallen to her knees hard though she didn't notice at the time. When he left that night, putting out all the candles and settling the room into a cold darkness, Natalie saw the blood seeping through her jeans. She could feel that her knees were scraped badly, counting herself lucky that she didn't break any bones. The blood had started to dry overnight, gluing her jeans to the open wounds.

Rowe was facing her now. "It occurred to me last night that perhaps continually cursing you isn't really working." He was stroking his face, clean shaven, in what seemed like contemplation. "I think I'm going to have to try something different to get you to talk, Tally."

He kept using that nickname, day after day. Every time he said it, Natalie's stomach would lurch. It made her sick to hear him say it, to hear how he laughed every time she would visibly flinch. He knew it bothered her and that brought him insurmountable joy. Rowe used the name often, sounding as if his tongue was cradling the word as it came out of his mouth, his eyes always set upon her when he did.

"Hearing you scream makes me giddy, truly," he spoke again, a smile spread across his lips. "I could torture you all day. But I do have a job to complete, so we're going to have to move on to something new." He talked to her like she was his partner in this, like she was all for trying a new form of torture. She said nothing, just continued to stare at the ceiling.

He continued, ignoring her silence. "I have a vial of Veritaserum upstairs, that should do the trick, don't you think?" Rowe's eyes glinted in the candlelight. He was excited to cause her more pain, to see her anguish as she helplessly told him what he wanted to know. Turning towards the door, he left her alone in the basement room.

This was bad, very very bad. Veritaserum would definitely get her to spill all the secrets she knew about the Order, about where they were located and who was in it and how involved Dumbledore was and who their contacts in the Ministry were. She wouldn't be able to stop herself. Natalie sat up, struggling to find the strength to lean herself against the hard stone wall. She knew there were ways to fight the effects of the potion, that you had to clear your mind completely and stay calm in order to keep your thoughts to yourself. Could she do that? In her current state it seemed impossible to clear her mind completely, to get herself to be calm enough around the Death Eater that she didn't say anything.

Rowe came back into the room, closing the door behind him with the heel of his boot. He was holding a small glass bottle with a clear liquid in it. There wasn't much in the bottle, the serum didn't even fill the vial halfway. Perhaps she could make him spill the contents before it even came close to her mouth?

He walked toward Natalie, watching her squirm away from her previous spot on the wall in an attempt to get further away from him. She pushed herself into the corner of the room, not able to go anywhere else. Her hands were still shackled in front of her, chained to the floor. He took the stopper out of the vial, tossed it behind him and reached out towards Natalie. She whipped her head to the side, not letting him touch the bottle to her lips.

"Come now, Tally," he chided. "You and I both know you're going to drink this. It's useless to fight." He was bent down in front of her now, one knee on the ground to her right. "Though I do love to watch you struggle." His face held a smirk and he made a laughing noise deep in his throat. It seemed effortless on his part to make her feel panicked and scared.

His left hand held the bottle and his right hand shot out in front of him, fingers grasping the back of her head, his thumb touching her left cheekbone. He held her head to the side easily. Natalie tried to squeeze out of his grip but he was stronger than she was, keeping her in place, the other side of her head scraping against the rough wall behind her. Rowe lifted the vial and pushed it painfully into her lips, parting them without her consent and pouring half the liquid into her mouth.

Rowe relaxed a bit, taking his hand away from her head and waiting for the effects of the serum to seep into her body, still at eye level next to her. "There we go," he said quietly. "That wasn't so bad was it?" He extended his hand again, stroking her hair, fingers brushing stray pieces away from her face. She grimaced, hating the way he touched her almost gently. "Now, we know the other people in the Order have left the place we took you from. There's no more spell on the house, we're able to see it and search it, there's nothing left inside. Tell me, where else would they go?"

The house was empty, the Death Eaters could see it? Where had everyone gone? Fear shot into her stomach like a hot knife. Had they relocated or had something bad happened that Rowe wasn't telling her? She was quiet for a second, turning her gaze to look at him out of the corner of her eyes. He was waiting for her to answer, assuming she had swallowed the liquid. Quickly, she turned her head to face him and spit, splashing the Veritaserum into his face and out of her mouth.

It was risky, hoping that the serum wouldn't work if she didn't swallow it. She had to try, there was no other way she could think of to ensure her mouth didn't work against her in telling Rowe everything she knew. She praised herself silently, relief washing over her as she realized her idea had worked. Rowe's face was wet, liquid from the serum mixed with her saliva dripping off his nose and chin. His face was screwed up in anger, pure hatred directed at Natalie that caused her stomach to flip uncomfortably.

He didn't say anything, no sarcastic remark to be heard, only lunged at her, empty hand finding her jaw quickly. He dug his fingers into her face hard, making her cry out in pain. She was squirming, finding strength she didn't know she had and putting it all into trying to get her face out of his hand. Rowe picked up his other hand, holding the vial with the rest of the clear liquid. She couldn't fool him again, he would make sure she swallowed it this time. In a desperate attempt to keep the serum away from her, she thrashed her body around hoping to knock Rowe over and spill the potion. He held steady, fingers still gripping Natalie's jaw painfully, each one promising to leave a nasty bruise.

Natalie pulled her foot back as far as she could towards her body, a blood stained knee coming up next to her ear, and kicked as hard as she could. Her foot made contact with Rowe's shoulder, making him stagger backwards, releasing her jaw from his hold as he tried not to fall. She heard the distinct sound of shattering glass and looked down at the floor where the vial had fallen, the rest of the Veritaserum flowing out over the floor.

Exhausted but proud of herself, so very proud, Natalie leaned back against the wall and started to laugh, quiet at first but letting her voice grow louder as she saw how it angered the man in front of her. She was taunting him, as he often taunted her, and he was not amused. If looks could kill, she would have keeled over right then and there. Rowe stood, glowering at her, and suddenly reached out and punched her in the face, his hard fist connecting with her mouth. She hadn't expected the assault and fell over to the side from the momentum, tasting the metallic tinge of blood in her mouth. She must have bitten her tongue. She could feel it dripping from her lip as well, thick and hot. He had split it open when his knuckles slammed into her.

Natalie was no longer laughing, any humor she saw in the situation was long gone. Her face was throbbing, but the pain was worth it. Pulling one over on her captor left a sliver of hope in her mind.


	25. Chapter 25

Stay calm. Clear your mind. Don't let him in. You've done it before, you can do it again.

Natalie's thoughts echoed loudly in her head, using all the mental strength she had to ensure those were the only things left in her mind. Her eyes were screwed shut, eyebrows pushed in together towards the middle of her forehead, leaving little wrinkles on the skin between her eyes.

Rowe had started practicing Legilimency on her, attempting to break into her mind and find information on the Order since she was still refusing to say anything. It had been weeks now, the Death Eaters keeping her in the basement and giving her just enough scraps of food and dirty water to keep her alive but famished and dehydrated. She was exhausted at the incessant questioning and torture, Rowe still coming down several times every day and cursing her to the point where she could no longer think or move her body. It was difficult to keep her mind sharp and present, but she had come this far and she wouldn't give up yet.

The first time the salt-and-pepper haired Death Eater tried to enter her mind, she hadn't been expecting it and, in turn, hadn't known how to stop it. It was a strange feeling, knowing he was rifling through her memories like a picture book, looking through the pages until he found one that sparked his interest and viewing it with delight. She saw moments flash in front of her, ones she had lived already, ones she had long forgotten. Fighting the spell was tough, it took every ounce of mental capacity she had just to shut out a memory, much less stop the assault all together. Natalie pushed him out eventually, sweating and breathing as if she had just come back from a long run. The only things Rowe saw were the events leading up to her joining the Order, and when she finally went to the old headquarter house, things he already knew.

He had been very close to finding some of the answers he had been looking for and he knew as much. Furious that she managed to stop him, he lashed out and cursed her worse than he ever had, the force of it pushed her back roughly into the wall behind her. Her head cracked against the wall and left her reeling, immediately dizzy and unable to focus. She was vaguely aware that she must have been bleeding, something warm and wet dripping down her head onto the back of her neck. It was all too much, the incredible pain from the curse mixed with the sudden head injury, and she felt herself falling over, ready to pass out at any second. Just before she did, Rowe came up and kicked her hard in the stomach, sending her over the edge into the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.

Since then, Rowe had repeatedly tried to break back into those memories, to pick back up where he left off and gain knowledge from deep within Natalie's thoughts. He had no such luck. The biggest mistake he made was leaving Natalie alone for an entire day after the first attempt, and after she regained consciousness she did nothing but focus on clearing her mind of anything and everything. She knew from her time at school the theory on how to use Occlumency, though the professors never taught it or spoke about it in detail. But a theory was good enough, using the little know-how she had and letting it blossom to the point that she could hold off the Death Eater long enough for him to get frustrated, where he would then lose his edge and wouldn't be able to get back into her head.

It seemed as though the other Death Eaters were constantly underestimating her, though she thought that Rowe was quickly picking up on the fact that she was more powerful than he first anticipated. She surprised him every time he tried a new approach at getting her to divulge her secrets, and she knew he was getting more and more angry every time he left the basement room empty handed, figuratively.

Now, Rowe was in front of her, wand extended towards her, trying his absolute hardest to push through Natalie's mental block. She was concentrating on nothing but the thoughts in her mind, or lack thereof, and couldn't see the look of utter fury on the Death Eater's face as her eyes were shut tight. She kept repeating her initial thoughts, keeping her mind blank, every now and then letting little snippets of memories through on accident, fortunately nothing detailed enough to really tell what they were. I'm getting pretty good at this, she thought smugly, knowing he would hear it in his brain, and that thought sent the man in front of her into a rage.

He dropped to his knees and took Natalie's throat into his empty hand, his wand pointed at her face threateningly. He squeezed, cutting off any possibility of getting oxygen into her body. Natalie struggled against him, not able to breathe, feeling her face becoming red from exertion. "Tell me what you know about the Order of the Phoenix, now!" he screamed at her, flecks of spittle flying her way. Rowe had lost control momentarily and even though Natalie was very aware how close he was to ending her entire existence, she let the corners of her mouth turn up into a rye smile, an act that she knew would infuriate the man even more. He saw the smile and let go of her throat, lifted up his arm and backhanded Natalie across the cheek. She tasted blood at the corner of her mouth as her head flew to the side but didn't care, she was too busy sucking down deep breaths of air into her empty lungs.

Rowe was standing again, looking down his nose at her. "Fine, you don't want to talk to me?" He was practically shaking, trying to gain back his composure, fighting the anger pumping through his veins. "Let's hear you scream, then." His wand flashed out in front of him, the word Crucio leaving his lips slowly.

These days, Sirius had a one track mind. Find Natalie. That was all he thought about, all he focused on, the only action he ever took was to get closer to that end result. He still went out on missions, still captured Death Eaters, but instead of taking them directly to the Ministry he would take it upon himself to do little interrogations. It didn't get him anywhere, mostly the wizards would just laugh in his face. James and Remus were uncomfortable with it, they said he should leave it to the Ministry, if the Death Eaters knew anything surely the Ministry would let them know right away. Sirius didn't trust the Ministry, though. He knew they were focused on their efforts in ending the war, in gaining an upper hand over the Death Eaters and their Dark Lord. Why would they give a shit about some witch they didn't know? Sirius was convinced that if he didn't question the people they caught, he would never get any answers, never get any closer to getting her back.

He was pushing his friends away, though they tried their damnedest not to let him. Before, he would spend hours upon hours with them, talking and laughing, practicing their dueling and spells, enjoying their company. Now, he sulked around the house, keeping to his room unless he had to eat or leave the house for the Order. He was stressed to the point that it was no longer healthy, his body was always sore from being incredibly tense, he had a constant headache because his mind never stopped moving, thinking himself dizzy, going around in circles day after day. Sleeping was laughable, insomnia had set in recently and he found himself getting only a few short hours of relief a night.

James and Remus were going through similar changes, something that Lily and Peter noticed and tried to help with, but something they never shared with Sirius. They knew trying to sympathize with him or trying to talk to him about what was happening wouldn't be good for anyone. The few times they had attempted to talk to him in the last few weeks went beyond badly, ending in Sirius lashing out and breaking things, once putting his fist through a wall and then locking himself in his room for hours on end.

Natalie's disappearance was hard on everyone and no one knew the right way to handle the things they were feeling and experiencing. They all felt incredibly helpless, foolish and scared, hopeless - though they never talked about that one. It was slowly setting in that their friend had been gone for far too long, long enough that the thought crossed each and every one of their minds several times that perhaps they should stop looking for her, afraid that if they did eventually get to her they would be horrified at what they found. No one shared that, no one ever let another person know about that singularly terrible thought. James and Lily talked of course, and James and Remus could often be seen in dark corners of the house speaking in hushed tones.

Sirius tried to stay strong and stoic, but he couldn't keep up appearances for very long. One night, his grief was so strong that he couldn't hold it back from washing over him completely, and he gave into the awful feelings of guilt and powerlessness he harbored. It was very late at night, the house was quiet and dark but if someone listened closely they might have been able to hear crying coming from Sirius' room. It was one of the only times he had let himself go, let himself feel everything he tried to push away in efforts to stay standing. He was on the floor, shoulders wracked with sobs, physical strength giving way to fatigue so that he couldn't get himself to move. Hot tears fell down his face, hands clenched into fists, pitiful sounds escaping his mouth, and he felt ashamed. Ashamed because he couldn't keep it together, because he couldn't find the woman he loved so desperately, ashamed because he was supposed to be better than this.

He missed her, longed for her so much it hurt, his chest always tight and cramped. All he wanted to do was find her, wrap his arms around her and tell her he would never let this happen to her again, that she was safe now and that he wouldn't let anyone else hurt her for the rest of his life, no matter what he had to do. He could still feel his fingers running through her hair, so soft and light blonde. At times he swore he caught whiffs of her, always smelling the same - lilac, like the soap Natalie would travel deep into the city to purchase, only buying it from one specific shop because 'no one else makes it right'. That smell calmed him, reminded him that it didn't matter where he was in the world, home was with her.

Why hadn't he said any of these things to her before the Death Eaters took her? Sirius could have kicked himself, he should have been letting her know how much he loved her, adored her, every single day. They never even talked about their feelings after her return, something he knew she had been waiting for him to bring up. It had been too painful to think about at the time and he wanted to keep things fun and easy, knowing that the second they sat down to talk about the year she was gone it would ruin things, make their relationship harder. Regret settled at the bottom of his heart and he hoped more than anything that she knew somewhere deep down that he wasn't angry with her over anything, that from the moment they kissed in that closet at Grimmauld Place he forgave her for everything. He would tell her as much when he finally got her back, when he would finally be able to hold her close and feel the warmth of her body against his, when he could finally feel her heartbeat and assure himself she was okay.

He told himself these things but wasn't completely convinced they would happen. It was hard to stay optimistic. It was hard to keep his head held high. But he did it anyway.


	26. Chapter 26

About thirty minutes outside the city of London there was a very old town nestled by the banks of the large river that ran out into the North Sea. It was a small town, its main street bustling with people going in and out of shops and cafes, bicycles and cars moving up and down the streets with unhurried purpose. Storefronts were painted in bright, eye-catching colors, windows framed with multicolored flowers in pots and planters. The people there were friendly and it wasn't odd to see someone sitting outside a coffee shop, steaming cup of espresso in hand, wave to the shop owner next door, sweeping their front steps and straightening the flyers taped to their window.

Above a purple painted bakery, sandwiched in between a shop selling any hat that could be imagined and an office for Muggles to go and have their 'taxes' drawn up - whatever that meant - was a small one bedroom apartment. Taking the extremely narrow and steep stairway up from behind the bakery, visitors were greeted by a plain green door. Beyond it was a kitchen that was just a bit too small, enough room in the open space next to it to fit an old sofa and chair set whose cushions had been beaten down over the years, a bathroom that could barely fit two people at a time, and a bedroom with one dingy window that faced the garbage bins lined up against the fence behind the row of shops. It wasn't perfect by any means, it was barely adequate at best. But for Sirius Black it was...well, it would do.

Sirius had moved out of the house used as the Order's headquarters and into the small apartment just a few days before, feeling the immense need for his own space, to have much needed time to himself, away from the constant rotating door of Order members making their way in and out of the house at all hours of the day and night. He had never lived on his own, not really, having gone from his parents house to sharing a room with his friends at Hogwarts to living with them at headquarters. Before, he would have been excited to take this next step into adulthood and a new life, he would have taken the jump with a running start and a grin plastered across his face. Now, though, he did so reluctantly, knowing something was missing.

The rest of the Marauders had come to see the apartment for the first time, crowding into the tiny space and looking over the rooms and all Sirius' things with interest. He didn't have much to fill up a whole apartment, having been confined to one room his entire life prior, but thankfully the space he had didn't allow for many material items. James was gazing out the large window facing the main street, watching the muggles interact with each other below them. Remus had found Sirius' bookshelf and was thumbing through the volumes that filled it, nodding his head appreciatively when he would come across a book he knew. Peter sat in the chair next to the bedroom door, looking predictably awkward and like he couldn't quite make himself comfortable.

"This is a great place, Padfoot," James said, tearing his eyes away from the foot traffic and eccentric shops. "And not far from London, either."

Sirius acknowledged the statement with a polite nod of his head, a lock of hair falling into his face, dark and curling at the end. He ran his hand through his hair, tousling it and clearing his eyes of any strays. He was leaning back against one of the counters in the tiny kitchen, other hand in his pocket where his wand was tucked safely. "Yeah, it's not bad."

"It smells great up here," Peter squeaked, hands clamped together tight in his lap.

Chuckling softly, not surprised that Peter was the first to notice the delicious scents from the bakery below wafting into the apartment, he said, "They're still open for a few more hours, you should stop in before you take off."

Peter nodded then said nothing else, fixing his eyes on a series of knick knacks on the small table next to him. Remus had sat down on the run down sofa, his elbow perched on the armrest and moving a leg up to rest a foot on the opposite knee. "I think you'll enjoy it out here," he said, thoughtfully, watching Sirius closely. They never knew how he would react to anything these days.

Sirius stared at the floor in front of him, not seeing anything but lost in thought. "Maybe," he said quietly. "It's lonely, so far."

He missed the glance the other three men shared. James came closer to the kitchen, ruffling his black hair almost nervously, then crossing his arms in front of him. He looked sad, trying to get Sirius' attention. "Mate...it's been six months."

Remus had the same sad look on his face, Peter wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. Sirius clenched his teeth together, a muscle moving in his jaw rapidly as if he was fighting himself internally to keep his mouth shut. Both hands were shoved to the very bottoms of the pockets of his jeans. Finally, without lifting his head or looking at anything other than the yellow and white checkered tile on the floor, he simply replied, "I know."

James released the breath he had been holding. He didn't want to broach this subject but he knew he had to. If he didn't, no one would. So, he pushed on. "It's time to move on."

Sirius' eyes closed, his eyebrows pushed together roughly, utter pain etched across his strong features. He stayed silent, not able to find any words he knew in the English language that could possibly describe what he was feeling. He knew this time would come, of course, he knew one day he would have to end the insane search he had been on for the last half of a year. But he wasn't ready to give up, to let go.

Remus spoke, his words were careful and measured as if he had been thinking about how to phrase himself for a while. "We can't chase a ghost forever, Sirius."

Tears were stinging the corners of Sirius' eyes, he couldn't speak through the lump in his throat, couldn't breathe because his heart was beating a hole in his chest. He wondered how his heart could still beat so strong and loud in his ears with how broken it felt.

No one said anything more. They were all lost in their separate thoughts, minds chugging along despite the horrible pain settling deep inside their chests. It would haunt them forever, having to give up like this. None of them wanted to, but they all knew it was necessary. Perhaps if they had any reason to believe they could find what they were looking for, any hint or rumor at all. But there had been nothing.

Reality was becoming more and more clear as the days went on - they had to let go. They were stuck in the past while the world around them was moving steadily forward and if they didn't catch up they would lose everything that still mattered. Sirius was the only one that didn't care about moving on, he had already lost the only thing that he loved. However, he found himself drifting along with whatever his friends said was best, having lost the energy to stand up for himself and what he wanted a long time ago.

So, he lived in the small apartment above the bakery, visited the Order's headquarters a few times a week, did the jobs Dumbledore assigned him, walked the shoreline along the river in town to pass time and made no real effort to fill the gaping hole that seemed to take up most of who he was.

With her eyes closed, the woman huddled in the corner of the cold and grimy room in the basement of Malfoy Manor could easily have been thought of as dead. Her skin was gray and dirty, her hair so greasy and filthy that the bright blonde color no longer showed through. She was frail and gaunt - bones jutted out from underneath skin and her eyes were ringed with dark circles, from lack of sleep or bruises. Her ratty and torn clothes hung off of her like they were several sizes too big. Even though the jeans that covered her legs were baggy and loose, it was easy to see that one of her legs was bent at a slightly wrong angle. Bruises and cuts littered her skin. Dried blood stained her shirt, her pants, her face, her arms, her hands.

Natalie had seen better days, that was certain. She hardly ever slept on her own, any rest she got was usually from unconsciousness, but when she did she would often wake thinking she was in hell. She wasn't sure if she believed in heaven and hell, but even if it wasn't real she was definitely in some personalized version of it. Hell on earth, as muggles would say. Though, they would say it about the most trivial things, not about being tortured for months on end.

Gideon Rowe had taken to using physical torture on her and, even though she was still being tormented day in and day out, it brought her some sort of sick pleasure to know she'd held out long enough that he had to resort to using something muggles did to get information. Not much brought her any semblance of joy anymore, but she tried to focus on the little things. Rowe having to use muggle torture tactics, the almost spoiled food someone would bring down to her every few days, the moment Rowe would leave the basement room for the last time every night, still being alive.

That last one was a tricky one. She didn't know, truthfully, if she was thankful to still be alive. Being alive meant waking up to the clammy stone room and being in immense pain. Most days she wished that Rowe would go too far and kill her by accident. Or on purpose, she wasn't picky really. She supposed that meant she had given up. Oh well. It didn't concern her. Natalie had no idea how long it had been since she'd been captured but she knew it had been long enough. If someone was coming to save her, to get her out of that place and bring her back home, they would have done it by now. Either the Order and her friends couldn't find her or they had stopped looking. She hoped they had just given up and moved on with their lives, if she was being honest with herself.

Her friends. She couldn't think about them for very long anymore. It brought her too much grief to think about James and Remus and Lily and even Peter. And Sirius. She really couldn't think about him. Knowing she would never see them again...that pain was somehow greater than the physical abuse she went through every day. Natalie pushed those thoughts away whenever they would surface. Rowe had stopped trying to crack her with Legilimency months ago but she still practiced keeping her mind free and clear of any thoughts. She told herself it was a precaution, that she didn't know when Rowe was going to come back and try to look through her brain again. But a small part of her knew it was to protect herself from having to feel anything too deep. She couldn't handle emotional and physical pain at the same time, and the physical pain wasn't going away any time soon.

She jolted slightly when the heavy door swung open, breaking her trance-like state. Rowe was standing in the doorway, looking pleasant and casual, as if he was there to see a friend for lunch. "Good morning, Tally. Sleep well?" he chuckled to himself knowing she hadn't. Her pain was his pleasure more than ever at the moment.

He walked towards her, wand out in front of him, and waved it wordlessly. The chain keeping Natalie bound to the floor moved into the air, magic unlocking it from the floor and moving it over to a similar spot in front of the chair in the middle of the room. Natalie had to push herself up to her knees to follow it, wincing as she did. Her injuries were extensive, to the point where she couldn't even keep track of them anymore. Shuffling around on her knees meant dragging her legs behind her, which meant putting strain onto her left leg that Rowe had broken with an iron poker from the fireplace upstairs. He hit her with it weeks ago and did nothing about it afterwards, letting the leg set and heal incorrectly on its own. It bent awkwardly in the middle where it should have been straight and it caused her so much agony to put any sort of pressure on it.

She stopped moving once the chain attached to her shackles had more slack. Perhaps it was foolish and stubborn, but Natalie refused to haul herself up onto the chair, allowing Rowe to continue her torture. She didn't have much to live for anymore but she would never willingly put herself into his hands, she would fight him until the day she died.

Rowe saw her stop short and rolled his eyes. "When will you get tired of fighting me?" He reached for her and tangled his fingers in her hair roughly, whipping her up and practically throwing her into the chair. He seemed unruffled, a smirk dancing across his lips.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked. Natalie didn't respond. She hadn't spoken in months, not acknowledging his sarcastic remarks, not answering his questions, not even lashing out at him like she normally would. Well, like the old Natalie would have, before she was captured. 'Normal' took on a completely different definition now and she had a hard time thinking about the way she used to be, so trusting and naive, so weak. Maybe she wasn't as strong as she was stupid, but it made her feel powerful to stay silent, to know that it got under the Death Eater's skin if only just a little. He didn't allow her to be completely silent, though not for lack of trying on her part. He did still get her to scream out in pain and that was something she couldn't help even if she tried her hardest.

Rowe was still looking at her, a playful glint in his eye. He was crouched over, eyes level with hers. He always stood too close - Natalie wasn't sure if he knew it made her uncomfortable or if he did it out of his own sick pleasure. He was constantly stroking her hair, running a single finger along the length of her jaw, placing a hand too far up on her thigh or too far down off her shoulder. Even though she tried to stay cold and indifferent to the things he did she couldn't help but rip herself away from him as much as she could when he did those things. She was used to him touching her, hurting her, but that touch was different and it was one that she was still distinctly scared of. The fear of being hurt had long since disappeared but that faux gentle touch promised a hurt that she didn't know how she would be able to cope with.

Natalie wouldn't look him in the eye but that didn't stop him from continuing to talk to her. "I was told to give up on you months and months ago. Everyone said to just kill you and get it over with, that you'll never talk and I'm wasting my time." A small voice at the back of her head said 'just do it.' He craned his head to the side to try and reach her gaze. "But I couldn't just give up on you, Tally. You're my girl, what would I do if I couldn't see you everyday?"

His girl? She looked at him then, hard and hateful, almost wishing he would lift his wand and rifle through her thoughts so he could see the things she was thinking about him. Rowe laughed when she glared at him, apparently loving how he could upset her so easily. Natalie blinked and suddenly his face had changed. The smile was no longer on his face, his eyes were no longer playful but dark and dangerous.

He extended his hand towards her face and grazed her cheek with the back of his fingers. She screwed her eyes shut and moved her head away from his touch, pushing herself back against the chair as far as she could. The Death Eater reached his hand further towards her face and he was very close to her now. She could smell his cologne, could have choked on the stifling smell of sandalwood. He brushed the hair out of her face, taking too long and letting his hand touch her jaw and ear. Rowe kept his hand on the side of her face but slowly moved his thumb to her bottom lip where he rubbed it slowly from one side of her mouth to the other.

So this was it, this was the last form of torture he was going to use on her. She hardly cried from the constant torture anymore, forcing herself to be numb to the world and what it was doing to her. Natalie could have cried now, could have sobbed from the thought of what Rowe was going to do to her. He had hurt her in so many ways but this was the worst thing she could have imagined.

Natalie was exhausted, mentally and physically and every other way possible. She was tempted to just let it happen, whatever Rowe had planned, and just shut down, turn herself off and not let herself feel anything. Deep down she knew it wouldn't work like that, she would feel everything and he would finally make good on his promise to break her. Even if he got his way, even if he ended up killing her, she had to give everything she had to fight him off. She had ruined all his other torture attempts, why should this one be any different?

Rowe moved his rough finger again, managing to part her lips despite her attempts to keep them clamped shut, and slid it in her mouth, searching for her tongue. Without a second thought, Natalie smashed her teeth down onto his thumb, as hard as she possibly could, putting every last ounce of physical strength into her bite. Hadn't she read somewhere that humans could bite through the bones of a finger as easily as biting through a raw carrot? She thought the fact was probably incorrect in that moment, as she sank her teeth down through skin and tasted blood on her tongue.

He ripped his finger from her mouth, yelling in shock and pain, grabbing his thumb protectively. Before he could hit her or choke her, she leaned forward and spit the mouthful of his blood at him, hitting him on the side of his face. She was breathing hard, from physical exertion and fear, fists clenched under the iron pieces holding her hands together.

She wasn't sure if she had ever seen Rowe that angry before. His face was contorted and twisted in pure, unadulterated fury, white hot and raging and aimed directly at her. The man stood and reached into his back pocket, pulling out a small dagger. Natalie was familiar with this weapon, she had many scars thanks to that silver blade and textured black handle. She thought faintly that he might stab her through the chest and finally finish her off.

He didn't stab her through the chest, instead arching his arm forward and slashing her across the face. Pain blossomed immediately from her cheek as large trails of blood traced their way quickly down her face and onto her neck, dripping onto her chest and shirt. She heard Rowe yelling at her somewhere in the far off distance but she couldn't decipher what he was saying. She had slipped back into the same dazed state she had been in before, the one that made her desensitized and kept her safe inside her mind.


	27. Chapter 27

The knife sliced into her skin with a fiery burning pain, enveloping her arm in a tormented embrace. She fought against the pain, trying to pull her hands free, but the man holding her was much stronger and she didn't budge. He moved the sharp tip of the blade across her skin, savoring the screams coming from her mouth and the way her blood raced across her once soft and beautiful skin.

Gideon Rowe left a series of cuts and slashes on the inside of Natalie's right arm, his left hand holding her still and making it so that she couldn't escape his grasp. She was pale, perhaps from the pain or maybe blood loss, and her face was distorted in pain and the great effort she was putting in to overcome it.

He pulled back, letting her relax for a moment before starting again. He preferred taking his time and waited until he noticed her breathing become more controlled. She was no fun once she passed out, after all.

Just as he was about to start in again, there was a knock at the heavy door behind him. He turned his head and huffed a frustrated sigh, not enjoying being interrupted. "Hold that thought, Tally." He got up and set off across the room, pulling the door open slightly.

Natalie held her breath, trying desperately to hear the conversation from where she sat in the middle of the room, bound to the wooden chair. No one ever knocked on that door, no one ever came down into the basement but Rowe and the occasional Death Eater bringing her food. But even then they only stayed long enough to drop the plate and leave, never stopping to talk to her and definitely never coming to speak to Rowe while he was in the middle of torturing her. Of course, she wasn't angry at the sudden intrusion. But curiosity overshadowed her gratitude at having extra time away from the pain.

She could just barely hear the words spoken between Rowe and what sounded like another man. Rowe's back was turned towards Natalie, making it harder to hear his voice. "Yes, of course I felt it, but I'm in the middle of something if you couldn't tell." He spoke in a harsh whisper, clearly angry at the disturbance.

"Lucius said it was urgent, that everyone needs to disapparate right now," the faceless Death Eater whispered back.

"How does he know that?" Rowe asked.

"I didn't ask, but I wouldn't ignore the call if I were you. The Dark Lord may like you but I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate to toss you to the side if you keep him waiting." The stranger spoke hushed and hurried tones. Rowe seemed to nod and closed the door as he turned back towards Natalie.

She said nothing and avoided his gaze, pretending not to have overheard the conversation. He waved his wand and moved the chain that fell from the iron cuffs around her wrists to the other side of the room, forcing Natalie to get up hastily and limp over to her corner of the basement room. She heard the chain fasten to the anchor on the floor and watched Rowe stick the knife into the back pocket of his dark jeans. He waved his wand again and extinguished all the candles, plunging the room into darkness as he walked into the hallway without a word and closed the door.

Rowe had said, 'Of course I felt it'. Natalie knew he meant the Dark Mark. She knew all Death Eaters had one and she knew that's how their Dark Lord called upon them. And from the sounds of the whispered exchange, he was not a patient lord. She was sure he expected his follower's swift arrival upon their notice of the call.

Adrenaline pumped through her veins for the first time in what felt like forever, a crackling energy that she could feel through every part of her body. This was the first time the Death Eaters had been called away like this, at least that she was aware of. They would all be gone, away from Malfoy Manor, leaving her alone and with maybe the only chance she would ever have to get herself out of the hell she was living in.

Natalie was extremely aware of the opportunity she had just been given, and how easily she could fuck it up. She had to devise a plan and quickly, had to somehow think of anything she might encounter or any problem that might arise. First, she had to get out of those damned shackles. Then, sneak into the upper level of the house, find a way out and somewhere to hide once she got there. What time of day was it? She hoped it was nighttime, the darkness would help cover her and keep her concealed. She didn't have a weapon and after a quick sweep of the room from her corner there didn't seem to be one around her either. It was a risk to go out there without a wand or something to protect herself but she didn't see any way around it. How long before they all left? She wouldn't be able to tell when they were gone, the thick wooden door and stone surfaces inside the room kept her from hearing anything else going on in the house. There was no way she would be able to hear a door closing or the familiar pop of someone disapparating.

So, she counted in her head, her mind rapt with attention, until she knew it had been thirty minutes since Rowe had left her alone. Natalie stood up, needing to break out of the cuffs around her wrists before she could do anything else. She had tried to fracture them before, to make any sort of dent in the thick iron to no avail. No, she wouldn't be able to crack them open. There was only one way she could think to get out of them. Steeling herself, knowing more pain was coming but also knowing that it was nothing compared to what she would have to deal with if she stayed in that dark, damp room.

Natalie bent down and put a foot down in the middle of the shackles, her right arm held straight with her hand balled into a fist. She took a deep breath...then pulled her left arm. Hard. The knuckles of her right hand scraped against the stone floor, ripping up little bits of skin as she pulled her other hand towards herself, using more strength than she'd had in a while, not letting herself think of what had to happen to get her hand free of the cuffs. She felt muscles ripple through her thin arm, exerting herself more than she ever had. When she thought her hand couldn't bend anymore, fingers squished together tightly, she gave one more rough pull and felt her thumb crunch under her. Pain rocketed up her arm and she wanted to cry out but only let one soft whimper escape, biting her bottom lip so hard she tasted blood. Shaking, she pulled her left hand free. Her thumb hung pitifully from her hand and she felt the throbbing pain pulsing through her whole arm. She let out a little huff of air that sounded like a laugh, surprising herself.

She cradled her hand close to her and prepared herself, knowing that she had to mutilate herself once more in order to gain her freedom. She had lost a lot of the adrenaline that kicked her into overdrive before, the broken thumb cutting her down considerably, but she put her foot back into place once more and pulled, pulled and pulled some more. The second time was easier, if that could be believed. She held her breath until she felt the pressure release around her hand while simultaneously feeling the agonizing pain of her other thumb breaking. There were tears in her eyes but, again, she stayed silent.

Natalie made her way towards the door, fumbling with the handle for a few seconds before getting it open. Her hands were almost useless, both thumbs broken and limp, but she refused to let that slow her down. She shuffled along the hallway, pushing past the pain in her leg in favor of moving quickly. She was taking in her surroundings, eyes darting to and from quickly, making sure she was staying quiet and unseen. The house was silent, no sign of Death Eaters anywhere.

She got to the top of the stairs and looked around, not knowing where to go to get out of that godforsaken house. Her heart was beating faster than she thought it ever had, and she wondered for a moment if maybe she would suffer a heart attack before she even made it out of that place. She could have laughed at the thought. Natalie took a chance and turned left once she walked through the doorway and away from the stairs.

Her heart stopped and jumped into her throat. In front of her, almost running it over completely in her haste to escape, was a little, wrinkled house elf, dressed in what looked like a large potato sack. It's bald head and incredibly large pointed ears only came up to her thigh. Natalie's breath caught and she froze, staring wide-eyed at the elf. It stared back at her, clearly surprised at her appearance. Neither of them said anything for a long minute.

"Miss isn't supposed to be up here," the elf squeaked, eyes darting around wildly, fragile nimble fingers nervously laced together.

She wracked her brain, trying to think of a way to appeal to the house elf. With her mother being a muggle, they never owned one. Honestly, Natalie thought she would have hated having one, she didn't like the idea of enslaving something to do her chores and run her errands. She knew house elves were notoriously mistreated. "Please," she whispered, her voice raspy and rough from lack of use. "Please, don't call them back. How do I get out of here? Which way is London?"

The poor elf was miserable, obviously torn between staying loyal to it's masters and wanting to help Natalie. It's toes curled anxiously, knobby knees bumping together as if it couldn't stay still for even a second. It took a deep breath and Natalie braced herself, not wanting to have to hurt the little creature but knowing she would if she had to. It spoke quietly, voice shrill, "Go out that door," a long finger pointed in the direction opposite the haggard looking witch. "Head east. Don't let them see you."

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. "Thank you," were the only words she could manage to say, and she turned around and hobbled away from the elf, eyes set on a glass door in front of her.

She reached the door and pressed down on the cool, silver handle. Cold air greeted her, hitting her face and sending a shiver down her spine. Oh, she could have stayed in that doorway for a long time, letting herself feel the wind, smell the trees and grass, but she pushed herself forward, not allowing herself even a second of hesitation.

It was dark, well into nighttime. Natalie had to concentrate in order to hear something other than her heart beating loud in her ears. She made her way down concrete steps quietly and immediately crouched down, ensuring she wouldn't be seen from the windows of the house. There was a line of trees a short distance away, an open grassy area separating the building and the woods. She searched for another moment longer, hoping to find another way to reach the cover of the trees, not wanting to fling herself into such an open space with no way to defend herself.

With no other choice, Natalie took a deep breath and forced her legs to move quickly underneath her. Her broken leg protested but she didn't slow down, practically running from the side of the house towards the trees in front of her. She was huffing, not having done something so physically demanding in months, and tried to keep her breathing as quiet as possible, not wanting to draw any extra attention to her. Her chest ached from the heaviness of the panic buzzing through her.

She didn't stop running when she reached the tree line, compelling herself to keep going, to get as far away from the house as she possibly could before she just couldn't move anymore. Her hands were on fire, her leg was dead weight but she kept going. Her mind was sharp and insistent even if her body was failing under her, not letting it quit, not yet.

Natalie ran for another ten minutes, deep into the woods now, before her leg gave out completely and she came crashing down to the ground, falling onto her elbows in a desperate effort to keep her broken hands from any more abuse. She crawled over to the trunk of a large tree, leaning against it with her back facing the direction of the house, the sharp bark digging into the protruding spine and shoulder blades of her back.

Her mind was spinning. She got out. Holy shit, she got out. A smile made its way to her lips, a real smile, skin crinkling at the corners of her eyes. Tears dropped from her eyes and onto her cheeks, stinging the cuts on her face from Rowe and his knife. Rowe, who she would never see again. And even if she did, even if the Death Eaters caught up to her and found her, she would fight until her last breath before she would let them take her into that basement again.

She pushed the thoughts from her mind. It wasn't safe for her to stay in one place for too long. She used her fingers to push herself up clumsily, testing her weight on her broken leg before starting to limp off again, not running this time but not taking a leisurely stroll, either.

The house elf said go east. Which way was east? If Natalie had her wand she would have been able to tell in seconds. But she had no wand, and no rising or setting sun to help guide her. She kept walking until she found a small clearing, a break in the canopy of branches, where she could see the night sky easily.

Millions of stars scattered across the sky, seemingly endless, making the black canvas appear almost blue. She scanned the sky, reaching back in her memory to all the astronomy classes she took while at Hogwarts. One cluster of stars in particular could help her figure out which direction she needed to go. It took a few minutes but she finally found the familiar constellation, connecting the stars in her mind and seeing the image of a man wielding a sword and shield. Three stars made a line in the middle of the man's body, a belt, and she kept an eye on one star in particular as she began to move.

London was only about a day and a half walk from Malfoy Manor, but Natalie stretched it out into three days, only moving under the cover of darkness and staying away from major roads and pathways. She didn't sleep, her anxiety wouldn't let her even if she had wanted to. She didn't chance going into towns to steal food, too nervous about being seen and recaptured. She did find a little stream on her second night and thought she had never felt something so amazing as that water splashing onto her dirty face and running down her grimy arms, thought she had never tasted anything as heavenly as the cool water on her tongue, swallowing it down her sore and torn up throat.

She guessed it was late spring, as the days were warm but the nights were still chilled. She paid no attention to the temperature, not feeling the cold nipping at her skin, only concentrating on moving through the woods and brush, dragging her leg behind her.

Natalie finally reached the outskirts of the city on the third night after her escape. She found an abandoned storefront on a quiet street and nestled herself inside until the early rays of sunshine alerted her to the morning hours, nerves keeping her awake the entire time. She knew the Order had changed headquarter locations, so going to the old space was useless and potentially foolish, she expected Death Eaters to be looking for her there. She spent the hours waiting for daylight thinking of where she could run into someone she knew, one of her friends. Of course, that meant assuming the new Order headquarters was still in London and not halfway across the country.

She had to try, had to make any attempt she could at finding her friends and with them, safety. As dawn broke out over the skies, waking up the city and its inhabitants, Natalie made her way out of the building. She kept herself hidden in alleyways and shadowed areas behind shops and buildings, not wanting to draw attention to herself by her appearance or the way she was moving. She trekked across the city, now familiar with her surroundings and confident about her destination.

When Natalie reached the insignificant looking cafe on the corner of two sleepy streets, she immediately found a place to hide in a dark, unused entryway, out of sight to passerby but still able to see the comings and goings of the eatery. Her back was pressed against a broken door, uncomfortable and in pain but not daring to move. The rising temperature and her fatigue were starting to get to her, she noticed it was getting harder to stand up straight and to pay attention. It seemed like hours that she was standing there, fighting herself to stay awake and upright, before she saw a flash of unmistakable sandy colored hair.

The young wizard walked towards the cafe, newspaper in hand and head down, not paying attention to the street in front of him, only immersed with words on pages. He walked into the shop and Natalie waited, breath shallow and heart beating in her throat. She was shaking, her body ready to give out at any second. She forced herself to hold on just a little bit longer, to not pass out just yet, please.

A few minutes later the man stepped back out of the shop, cup in hand and paper tucked neatly underneath his arm. He pulled out a chair from one of the small metal tables surrounding the cafe and seated himself, pulling the paper back out and opening it to an inside page, taking an absent-minded sip of his steaming drink.

Natalie looked around, it was just the two of them for the time being. The street wasn't busy, still too early in the day for the usual foot traffic to start. This was her chance, now or never. She took a step out of the entryway, shaky and uneven on her own feet, wincing at the pain shooting up her leg. She tried to speak but couldn't find her voice, mouth hanging open pointlessly. She tried again, forced her vocal chords to work, to make some sort of noise. One word scraped its way out of her throat.

"Remus?"


	28. Chapter 28

Remus Lupin was having a perfectly ordinary morning. He woke up not long after the sun came up over the trees that framed the Order’s headquarters, feeling well rested. The full moon had come and gone a week ago and the effects were finally ebbing away, leaving him feeling strong and back to his usual self. He changed out of his pajamas in his room, slipping into a pair of worn-in jeans and a green sweater. The weather was getting warmer everyday, but the brisk spring air still hung around in the morning and at night. 

He was sure to stay quiet as he made his way down the hallway and staircase, not wanting to wake up any of the Order members that might have stayed the night. Remus and Peter were the only two Marauders left living at headquarters; James and Lily moved into a flat in London a few weeks prior and Sirius had been living just outside the city for about a month. The thought of his friend alone in his tiny apartment gave Remus a twinge of sadness. He wished there were some way he could help Sirius through all the grief he was feeling, that they were all feeling.

Shaking his head, ridding his mind of negative thoughts, he stepped out onto the large front porch, closing the door carefully behind him. Dumbledore did a fine job finding this new space for the Order - Remus knew why he chose a house with a sizable area for members to apparate and disapparate from. It was the only thing anyone could do, to learn from their mistakes, make sure history wouldn’t repeat itself. His stomach knotted, hating to think of the friend they lost as ‘history’. 

They were all concentrating on trying to make themselves happy after spending so long weighed down by regret and sorrow. James and Lily had gotten married, had a small ceremony with a handful of close friends in the backyard of the Order’s house. They were trying to find joy in themselves and their relationship. Peter was focusing more on his spell-casting and dueling, finding comfort in the progress of his abilities. Sirius had moved to a new town all together, trying to find...Remus didn’t really know what Sirius was trying to find, truthfully. Perhaps he was just trying to make peace with moving on with his life. 

Remus was finding joy in the little things, having a routine, trying new things and going to new places to figure out what he liked and didn’t like. He had disapparated from the porch and reappeared only one block away from the house. Taking walks, he discovered, was something he very much enjoyed. It calmed his mind and left him feeling content. He chose to walk the distances between headquarters and the city as often as he could, very aware of the odd looks he got from other Order members. Muggles walked, you see. Why walk across town when you could just apparate and be at your destination in seconds? Remus didn’t mind the looks, he had always gotten them, after all, growing up the way he did.

He came up to a street corner and dashed across, hands in the pockets of his jeans, just before a car passed him. There was a newspaper vendor ahead, one that he knew was a wizard and secretly sold copies of the Prophet to those who knew to ask. He greeted the man, a wiry looking fellow with an unkempt gray beard and wild hair shoved under a stocking cap, and passed him a few Knuts, taking a copy of the paper from him at the same time. With a wave, Remus took off down the walkway again, now gazing at the front page of the paper, words scrolling across the page and pictures moving on their own. 

His attention was on the paper when he came up to his favorite cafe, a cute little shop on a corner. Small metal tables and chairs were placed on either side of the entrance and a chalkboard sign was propped against the storefront, bright and colorful chalk drawings promoting the latest specials. Remus ducked inside the shop and distractedly ordered a cup of coffee with two sugars, pulling himself away from the paper and tucking it under his arm. He looked at the glass case to the left of the counter, peering at the pastries and wondering if he should indulge himself and order a cinnamon bun…

The woman behind the counter handed him the cup of coffee and he thanked her, dropping some muggle money on the counter and taking the cup with him as he walked back out the door. He enjoyed sipping the hot liquid outside, feeling the crisp morning air and listening to the sounds of the city around him, and he did so often. Remus pulled out one of the metal chairs and settled himself on it, taking the paper from under his arm and opening to a page somewhere in the middle. He sipped his drink, savoring the dark, bitter taste and how it warmed him from the inside out. 

He heard it then, someone whispering his name behind him. The paper dropped from his hand and he moved to grab his wand before his brain could even comprehend what he was doing. He turned and raised himself from his seat, his thin frame allowing him to move swiftly, wand in his hand and held in front of him while trying to be discreet. He was aware of the empty street and pathway surrounding the cafe but didn’t want to draw unwanted attention from muggles. 

Remus didn’t see the person at first, the one who said his name. The voice was quiet and hoarse and he didn’t recognize it, didn’t recognize the person at first either, as they slowly came out of the shadowy doorway next to the shop. 

It was a sickly looking woman, her clothes were filthy and torn up, her hair was matted and caked with grease and dirt, every part of her body he could see was covered in cuts and scratches and bruises and dried blood. She was horribly thin and Remus thought he could see every bone in her body jutting out through her stained gray skin. For a moment he thought perhaps she was a homeless woman that somehow knew his name and was begging for money, until his eyes met her bright blue gaze and his stomach dropped. He knew those eyes.

All the air left his lungs and his chest cramped uncomfortably, his knees suddenly felt very weak, as if they might give out at any second and send him falling to the ground. He didn’t blink, afraid that if he did she might vanish from in front of him. 

“Natalie?” he asked, his voice a whisper, almost too quiet for even himself to hear.

Relief flooded her face, it overtook every one of her sunken features. She opened her cracked lips to say something but no words came out. Instead, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she lurched forward. Remus passed the space between them in time to catch her before she fell to the pavement, crouched down with both hands on either of her frail arms. Her head rolled onto her shoulder and Remus pulled her up so that he was standing, wrapping his left arm around her rib cage and holding her firmly to him. 

He tucked his wand under his arm and moved his hand to Natalie’s face. “Natalie? Hey,” he said, frantically, not able to wrap his head around what was happening. He tapped his fingers against her cheek lightly, trying to get her to focus on him. Her eyes were half open and he could tell she was trying to stay conscious. “Hey, I’m going to get you out of here, okay? But you have to hold on to me, as tight as you can, all right?”

She nodded once, just barely moving her head and he felt her arm move to his back and grip his sweater. It was a weak hold but it was good enough. He grabbed his wand back into his hand and turned quickly, his arm holding the woman against him securely, and pictured the front porch of headquarters clearly in his mind.

With a faint pop Remus’ feet hit solid ground and he immediately turned his head, making sure Natalie wasn’t splinched or hanging off of the porch where someone could see her. She was fine, but he didn’t give himself time to feel at ease. He barged into the house, practically dragging her next to him.

“James!” he thundered, turning to pick Natalie up, his left arm moving under her shoulders and his right arm supporting her legs. “JAMES!”

Remus heard footsteps in the floor above him. “Who the hell is yelling down the-” James had descended half the stairs before he stopped dead in his tracks, one bare foot hanging in the air awkwardly. He stared at the scene before him, Remus cradling some skeletal figure in his arms, his face clearly reflecting his frenzied state. 

“Who is-” James started, looking incredibly confused. Remus saw when it clicked, when James’ face changed from perplexed to realization, eyes wide. “Is that-”

“Yes, and she’s barely hanging on. We need to get her to St. Mungo’s,” Remus spoke fast, not knowing what injuries Natalie had, just knowing she needed help right away. James stood frozen on the stairs, just gaping at the poor slumped figure in Remus’ arms. When a few long seconds went by, Remus yelled again. “James!”

“Uh, right,” he said, yanking himself out of whatever trance he had been in. Nodding and running a hand through his already messy black hair, he spoke again, voice wavering slightly. “Right. You take her, I’ll go get Sirius.”

Remus nodded his head curtly and looked down at Natalie. Her eyes were closed now, arms hanging limp beside her. He heard James yelling for Lily as he ran back up the steps. “Natalie?” he tried waking her up, tried shaking her a little, but she wouldn’t move. A ripple of fear ran through him and he forced himself to think logically. He could tell she was still breathing, saw her chest moving in time with her shallow breaths. She was not dead and he did not have time to panic.

Knowing it was no use trying to wake her, he held onto her tightly as he disapparated again, this time landing in front of what looked like a muggle department store. He looked to either side of the street, making sure no one was looking directly at him as he stepped up to where a mannequin stood behind the thick glass window. He knew what the figure was waiting for but in his manic state he found it hard to string a coherent sentence together. 

“My friend passed out,” he said lamely. He was too hurried to have a conversation with this literal dummy. “She’s badly injured, she needs to see a Healer.”

Without a word, the mannequin moved its head almost imperceptibly, indicating that it understood what he had said. Remus didn’t hesitate, checking his surroundings again before heaving himself up onto the ledge of the window and stepping right through the glass. Gone was the inside of the deserted department store and in its place was a large and lively room, filled with witches and wizards who were wearing colorful robes and speaking loudly. He saw the area with rickety chairs where people waited to be checked in and seen by Healers but didn’t walk in that direction. Instead, he walked past the woman welcoming new patients, ignoring the sounds of her saying ‘Sir, wait!’ and rushed right up to a shapely witch in lime green robes.

“I need help,” he said, out of breath from his hasty movements and the extra weight he was carrying, though it wasn’t that much considering how gaunt Natalie was. 

“Well I’m sure you do, why don’t you take a seat and-” the woman had been looking at a stack of papers in her hand, brown hair set in ringlet curls bouncing onto her rosy cheeks before she looked up, a bored expression on her face. She had a thick Scottish accent that made it hard to understand what she was saying. Once she saw the man standing in front of her, she practically jumped. “Merlin’s beard, what’s happened to that woman?”

“I don’t know,” Remus answered, still supporting Natalie like a brother would protect a little sister.

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” the woman looked at him crossly, obviously not believing him. A small metal tag pinned to the front of her robes read ‘Laird.’

He was getting angry. Couldn’t this woman see the condition Natalie was in? “I mean, I don’t know. She’s been missing for months, I don’t have a clue what’s happened to her, now are you going to help her or not?” Remus’ voice rose to a shout, trying desperately to get the Healer to understand the urgency of the situation.

“Well of course I am,” she retorted and turned around, motioning for Remus to follow her. She moved with surprising speed and he had to make an effort to keep up. The witch led him to a lift, the door opening immediately upon their arrival. She ushered him in and the lift started to move upwards. “I’ll set up a room for her on the fourth floor.”

After a long minute the lift shuddered to a halt, the doors sliding open again. The Healer walked into the hallway in front of them and took a right. Remus followed dutifully, only a few steps behind her as she walked into a room numbered 431. Everything in the room was a bright white, from the walls to the blankets on the bed. It was overwhelming. 

“Put her down on the bed,” the witch instructed. He did as he was told and gently laid Natalie onto the bed in the middle of the room. Behind him, the Healer had disappeared through the doorway, returning a second later with two other women in the same green robes. She pointed to Remus. “You. Out.”

He protested instantly. “But-”

She held up her hand and stopped him short. The witch had a strict air about her, he knew she wouldn’t stand for any nonsense. “We will take care of her, young man. Go up to the next floor and wait. I’ll come find you when we’re done here.” She was stern, but her voice was calm and gentle. 

Remus took a deep breath and nodded, glancing over to Natalie once more before he left the room. The door swung shut behind him. He stood by the door for a few minutes, attempting to collect thoughts and steady his breathing. The Healers were speaking in the room but he couldn’t hear what they were saying, their voices muffled and incoherent from where he was standing in the quiet hallway. Footsteps made Remus turn his head towards the lift, his brain didn’t seem to be moving as fast as his body was. 

James and Sirius were rushing out from behind the sliding door of the lift before it had even opened all the way. They both had a look of shocked confusion on their faces. Remus didn’t move, some irrational fear inside of him telling him not to stray too far from Natalie. 

“Where is she?” Sirius was the first to speak once they raced to where Remus was standing. He was slightly out of breath, perhaps he ran through the lobby on the first floor or perhaps it was raw panic causing his heart rate to rise. 

Remus pointed at the door in front of him. “In there. The Healers wouldn’t let me stay with her.” He sounded much more tired than he had been only half an hour before. 

“Why the fuck not?” Sirius sounded irate, all his emotions hitting at once. 

James put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder, trying to keep his friend calm, though not looking very happy about the situation himself. “There’s nothing we’d be able to do in there right now anyway, mate. We’d just be in the Healer’s way.” His voice was quiet, gentle, knowing that Sirius was only a second away from busting through the door, like it or not. 

Sirius didn’t respond. He ran a hand down his face, the slight beard he’d let grow in the past few weeks scratched his palm. “Did she say anything?” He was desperate for information, for anything to let him know she was okay.

“No,” Remus answered. “I had to fight to keep her alert enough to apparate. I don’t think she’s in any condition to be holding a conversation.”

Remus knew that wasn’t the best thing to say in that moment, but he didn’t want to lie and make Sirius think she was perfectly normal. The truth was hard but it was necessary. James stayed silent as Sirius’ face twisted with even more worry than it already had been. “Is she...how does she look?” Sirius asked as if he knew the answer wouldn’t be a good one, looking between James and Remus.

James spoke. “All that matters is she’s back and she’s alive. We’ll figure out the rest.”

Sirius glanced at the door and the other two men knew how badly he wanted to go into the room, how his hands twitched in an effort to not run up and yank the handle down and insist that he stay in the room with her. They all wanted to be in there, to make sure that no one else was hurting her, to make sure she was safe and taken care of. But they all held themselves back, feeling completely powerless. 

“Come on, there’s a waiting area upstairs.” James moved his hand from Sirius’ shoulder to just above his elbow, leading him back towards the lift. “Moony, you should send word to Dumbledore. He’ll want to know she’s back.”

Remus nodded his head and fell into step behind them, crowding himself into the lift with the other two men.


	29. Chapter 29

Sirius, James and Remus were settled on the fifth floor of St. Mungo’s, in the small visitor’s area where a few other witches and wizards talked in low voices around them. They occupied three plush green chairs, ignoring the magazines and copies of the Prophet on the table a few feet away. They each held a cup of tea, long forgotten and now cold, while they fidgeted restlessly, knees bouncing up and down, knuckles cracking, hands running through hair at the top of their heads. 

Dumbledore had shown up right after receiving Remus’ message about Natalie and had asked them a few questions before tending to other business within the hospital, saying he would need to speak to her as soon as she was awake and able to have company. That was several hours ago, and the more time that passed without any word from the Healers the more anxious the boys became.

“And where did you find her?” Sirius asked. They had been over the details of Remus’ morning a few times already but Sirius couldn’t seem to stop trying to unearth something new. 

Remus sighed lightly but tried to be understanding. They were all stressed at having to wait to hear how she was doing and to talk to her, plus he knew Sirius must be feeling guilty that he wasn’t the one there for Natalie the second she reappeared. “I didn’t find her anywhere. She found me. She was waiting for me at the little cafe I go to.” He paused, a terrifying thought suddenly developing in his brain. “Bloody hell, what if I hadn’t gone?”

James stopped him, shaking his head. “Don’t do that to yourself, mate. You were there and she found you, that’s all that matters.” The tea he held absentmindedly almost tipped and spilled from the speed he was shaking his knees up and down. He caught the cup just in time and set it down on the table. 

Remus nodded his head, bits of sandy colored hair falling forward to touch his forehead, seeming to agree that there was no point in agonizing over what-ifs. The door to the visitor’s room opened behind them and they all turned to look, just as they had done every time the door opened since they gathered in the fifth floor room. This time, however, Remus stood, immediately recognizing the Healer he left Natalie with. She was still in her lime green robes with the little name tag pinned to the front, but she looked a bit more tired. Some other emotion could be seen in the way her features fell on her face, the way she looked at the three boys in front of her...concern, maybe?

Sirius saw his friend stand and jumped to his feet as well, James only a second behind him. The Healer acknowledged all three of them but only spoke to Remus. “You’re the one that brought in the young woman earlier today?” Her accent was heavy but Sirius was hanging onto every word, not wanting to miss a thing she said.

“Yes,” Remus answered. “How is she?”

“She’s awake and you lot can go see her, but,” the Healer told them, her voice was kind but laced with concern. She held out a hand when she saw all three boys take a step forward as if to dash over to the lift immediately, stopping them from racing past her. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about before you do.”

Sirius’ eyebrows drew together. He glanced at his friends in front of him and their faces echoed his, etched with confusion. “What is it?” Remus asked, sounding almost hesitant, as if he feared what the Healer would say.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was obvious she was choosing her words carefully. “I’m not sure what happened to that girl, but I can tell it was something absolutely horrendous. I’ve been a Healer for a very long time, boys, and I’ve seen many a witch and wizard come through these doors with ailments far worse than your friend’s. Nevertheless, her injuries are some of the most appalling I’ve witnessed.”

The boys stared at her in disbelief. Sirius’ hands were shoved nervously in his pockets. “What are you saying?” he questioned quietly. 

“I can tell that someone did those things to her and that they did them over a long period of time. Some of her injuries had healed over already, but some of them were still rather fresh. I’ll tell you, her leg had been broken what seems like months ago and never treated, so it mended itself incorrectly. We had to re-break it so that the Skele-Gro would work the right way.” The Healer didn’t seem to notice the shocked looks on her audience’s faces. She continued, unfazed, “Both her thumbs were broken, one of her shoulders was dislocated, she had several cracked ribs, she was severely concussed and had a large laceration across the back of her head. Not to mention, I lost count of how many cuts and bruises I saw. Literally, I lost count.”

Sirius felt sick. He hadn’t seen Natalie yet, didn’t know all these details until this very moment. A voice deep in the back of his mind said to be thankful he didn’t see her when she first arrived at the hospital. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle seeing her in such a state. No one said anything for a long moment, none of the boys knowing quite what to say in response to the Healer’s words. 

She spoke again, this time even more tender if it was possible. “The reason I’m telling you all this is because I want you to be gentle with her. She’s in very fragile shape right now, and I don’t just mean physically. This kind of...of torture,” she almost whispered the word and it twisted Sirius’ stomach in a knot. Torture? “The effects don’t just go away when the body heals. Try to remember that.”

Sirius swallowed, his throat dry like he hadn’t had water in days. Maybe he was just trying to save himself from his own thoughts but somehow he never imagined this, that the Death Eaters would have spent all these months torturing and hurting her, that she would come back and not be the sweet, funny, sarcastic, happy girl he remembered. The Healer moved aside and let them walk past her, each of them lost in their own thoughts and setting off towards the lift with more nervousness in their steps. 

They got to her room a few moments later but no one opened the door, the three of them stood in the hallway and glanced at each other with worry in their eyes. James looked at Sirius and said, “You go in first, Padfoot. Moony and I can stay out here and give you two a second.” James clapped a hand onto Sirius’ back reassuringly, knowing his friend well enough to tell that the Healer’s information left him feeling daunted. Sirius nodded then turned towards the door, pushing down the cold, silver handle to enter the room.

The door shut behind him quietly. Natalie was there, tucked under a few white knitted blankets, looking up as soon as she heard him come in. Sirius’ breath caught as his throat constricted. She was impossibly small, so frail and thin that he was almost amazed that she wasn’t breaking in half just from the weight of the bed covers. She had cuts and bruises scattered across her face and arms and her hands were wrapped in long strips of bandages. He could tell her leg was, too, as it looked awkward and much bigger under the blankets than her other leg. Her hair was damp and hung limp around her shoulders - the Healers must have washed it for her. It was longer than he’d ever seen it. 

He was horrified at her appearance as deep waves of grief and anger slammed into his chest, making him dizzy. But as he looked at her, even with her bright blue eyes ringed with dark circles and blue bruising, all he could think about was holding her in his arms. She was back, she was sitting right there in front of him and he could reach out and touch her after seven excruciating months of not knowing where she was or if she was okay or if she was even alive. 

Sirius took the few steps across the room to her bed and reached out to hug her, to feel her against his chest where he could keep her safe and warm. But when he lifted his arms up she flinched, her whole body recoiled as if she had been hit and her head turned away, her eyes closing as if she couldn’t bear to see what was in front of her. He took a step back immediately, hands held out in front of him in what he hoped was a non-threatening way. His chest was tight and he felt tears burning at the back of his eyes. What did they do to her? 

“I-” he started, not knowing what to say to her. When he stepped away from her she relaxed slightly, her shoulders dropping back to their proper height instead of up by her ears. She cradled herself in her hands still, he noticed, though she turned her head back towards him, glancing at him through her lashes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Natalie swallowed and nodded, looking at him again briefly. It seemed like she was having a hard time keeping eye contact with him. “I know. I’m a bit jumpy.” Her voice was quiet and sounded different, though he couldn’t place what the difference was. 

Sirius wanted to joke with her, to make her laugh and see her smile, but he knew better. That was what he was used to, mixing humor into a situation to ease the tension, that’s what he was comfortable with. But this whole situation was uncomfortable and he guessed trying to lighten things up would just make him look foolish and uncaring. Instead, he spoke like he’d always been able to speak to her and no one else, with a sobering honesty that just felt awkward with anyone else. “I tried to find you. We all did, for months. From the second they took you, we tried to get you back.”

He saw a muscle twitch in her jaw at the mention of the Death Eaters. It was something he knew would be awful to talk about, but he needed her to know that he tried to rescue her, tried to get her back to safety and away from the things they had done to her. She nodded again, not looking at him this time. Her gaze was fixed on the stark white fabric of the blanket covering her legs. “They would have never let you. They would have never even let you get close to finding them.”

Sirius’ mouth opened to respond when he heard the door unlatch behind him. He turned around and saw Dumbledore in his deep purple robes standing behind him. James and Remus followed closely, shutting the door again as they set themselves against a wall in the room. 

The old wizard came up to the side of Natalie’s bed and sat gingerly next to her feet. Sirius could see her discomfort at Dumbledore’s close proximity but she said nothing. It wasn’t just him, then. She didn’t want anyone touching her. The fact made him miserable, not being able to stop the thoughts of Death Eaters cursing and hexing and hitting and kicking and putting their hands on her from rolling through his mind. 

“My dear,” Dumbledore said, his voice low and full of sorrow. “No words can ever express how deeply sorry I am for what has happened to you.” Natalie said nothing, her eyebrows were drawn in towards each other. Dumbledore continued, “I want nothing more than for you to be able to rest and recover, and I do regret having to ask you anything about your experience so soon, but it is important that I know.”

He waited for some indication from her that it was okay to proceed. She cleared her throat. “It’s alright,” she said, giving him permission to ask his questions. 

“Were Death Eaters the ones that captured you?” he asked, his voice was gentle despite the subject matter.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“What did they want with you?”

Natalie paused a moment, her jaw clenching over and over. Sirius could see she was suppressing her emotions. “They wanted to know about the Order,” she said, her voice was stiff. 

Dumbledore nodded his head this time, accepting her answer. “Yes, I thought as much.” His eyes searched her face through his half-moon spectacles. “Natalie, I have to know what you told them, for the safety of every member of the Order.”

Her eyes met his, then, her gaze strong and steady for the first time since Sirius had come in the room. “I didn’t say anything,” she told him. 

The room was silent. James and Remus had a look of slight uncertainty on their faces, a look that mirrored what Sirius was thinking. She hadn’t said anything, not one thing? James spoke up after a few seconds, his words were deliberate and slow. “Nat, even the littlest thing could have a big effect on everyone in the Order.”

Natalie’s eyes flicked over to James. “I know that,” she said, her tone harsh.

Remus chimed in, “No one blames you for anything you might have said, especially after what you’ve gone through.”

She was angry now, Sirius could tell easily. Admittedly, it was hard to believe she hadn’t let even one little bit of information on the Order slip after having been subjected to so much pain for so long. Dumbledore seemed to be thinking the same thing, as he said, “James and Remus are correct. Try to think back to anything they might have-”

“I didn’t tell those bastards anything,” she yelled, cutting Dumbledore off mid sentence.

She was fuming, glaring at the wizard sitting at the end of her bed. Gone was the timid glances and her bandaged hands held softly around herself. Now she had her arms crossed harshly in front of her, eyes darting around the room. No one said anything, not sure what to make of her response.

“Take them,” she snapped. When no one spoke still, she looked at Dumbledore and said, “My memories. I know you can. Take them, all of you go watch and see for yourself exactly what I said.”

Dumbledore looked incredibly sad. “Natalie-” he started, but she cut him off again. 

“Just do it,” her voice was cold and Sirius couldn’t think of a time he’d ever heard her speak like that. Her eyes were like sparks of the hottest blue flame, holding so much more anger than he could have ever expected.

After a moment, Dumbledore nodded somberly. He took out his wand and moved towards the other side of the bed. His wand touched Natalie’s temple and her eyes closed, whether voluntary or because of Dumbledore’s magic Sirius wasn’t sure. When he pulled the wand away, soft silvery strands were attached to the tip, falling away from Natalie gracefully as if they were underwater. The old wizard pulled a small glass bottle out from his robes, where no one noticed him carrying anything, and deposited the flowing threads. He pocketed it quickly again. 

“Rest,” Dumbledore said, then turned towards the door to leave.

James and Remus exchanged a quick glance and parted themselves from the wall they had been leaning against. “We’ll check in on you tomorrow, Nat,” James said, Remus nodding his agreement. They could tell nothing good would come from trying to push her into conversation anymore. Plus, Sirius thought they were probably eager to jump into her memories. 

He was curious, of course. Anyone would be. But he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to see what happened to her during those months in captivity. He knew, just by her injuries and the fact that she apparently couldn’t stand the thought of being touched, that he would not like what he would see in her memories. And perhaps he thought it was a bit wrong, too, to dive into a part of her like that, without her no less. 

When the door shut behind James and Remus, he took a cautious step towards Natalie’s bed. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, she cut in. “If the other two are going, you need to as well.” She wasn’t looking at him but had her head turned in his direction. Was she angry with him? Her whole demeanor was confusing the shit out of him. Usually he could read her fairly well but now he had no idea what she might be thinking. “You should know what they know. Go, I need sleep anyway.”

This was not quite the reunion he had envisioned so many times. Sirius felt dejected but had to remind himself not to be so selfish. After what he imagined she’d been through it was only fair that she should be able to act however she needed to. Well, he wouldn’t have to imagine for long, he supposed. He took the hint to leave, trying to catch her eye and said, “I won’t be long.”

Whether she liked it or not he would sit with her in that plain hospital room, or at the very least sit in the hallway and make sure she was safe. He was not about to lose her again, that was not an option, so she would just have to learn to deal with him.


	30. Chapter 30

Sirius was standing in a dark, damp room. Cold stone covered the ceiling, walls and floor. It was very dark and he could barely see a thing except for Remus to his left and James and Dumbledore to his right. No one spoke, they were all waiting for this new memory to begin, for something to happen. The four men had just witnessed the Death Eater named Gideon Rowe dragging Natalie to the basement and locking her in the room they stood in now. 

Sirius’ stomach clenched uncomfortably. He wished he would have listened to his instincts and refused to look into Natalie’s memories. Already he was livid, promising himself silently that he would be the death of that smug prick. But he knew it would only get worse. In that first memory Natalie had looked normal, not like the frail and sickly person that was back at St. Mungo’s. 

They all watched as the Death Eater used the Cruciatus Curse on her over and over and over again. Sirius felt himself lose all his color. They saw the Death Eater try to force the Veritaserum into her system and watched her break the vial and spill the liquid across the floor. His heart jumped, he was so proud of her in that moment for fighting back. The memory went black and another popped into existence and they watched as the Death Eater attempted to enter into her mind, watched as Natalie learned how to keep him out. They saw him breaking her bones, cutting her with knives, hitting her until her eyes were swollen shut. Sirius didn’t know how much more of this he could stomach.

Then they watched as she escaped, shattering her own hands and running on her damaged leg, doing whatever she had to in order to get away from that place and that bastard that hurt her. They followed along as she walked through the woods at night, not sleeping and not eating, trying to find her way back to something familiar. When they saw the moment she found Remus, Dumbledore placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and he was wrenched from his surroundings, finding his footing at the headquarter house. The shallow Pensieve sat on the table in the middle of the kitchen, contents swirling and sparkling. 

Dumbledore was the first to speak. “A muggle poet once said, ‘A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.’ He was a wise man.”

The old wizard took hold of the dish and, without another word, turned on the spot, leaving the three Marauders alone. 

She really hadn’t said anything. Not one single thing about the Order or anyone in it or where they lived or what their plans were or who they were delivering Death Eaters to. Nothing. She must have been the bravest person Sirius had ever known. It was strange, after seeing so many awful things being done to her, somehow the strongest emotion he had in that moment was respect. Deep admiration for Natalie, for how strong and how much of a fighter she was. Of course, that feeling didn’t last very long, as the terrible sickened feeling returned to his stomach just a minute after leaving the memories. 

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Remus commented, his hand resting on his stomach. 

The three of them were pale and looked dreadful, each of them feeling as if they could have vomited right on the kitchen floor after what they witnessed. How long had they been away from the hospital? Sirius was itching to get back, not at all comfortable with leaving Natalie in such a weakened state and unprotected. 

He took his wand out of his pocket. “I’m gonna go back,” Sirius muttered. The events from the past few hours had drained him of any energy he started the day with. “I’ll check in later and let you know how she is.”

James and Remus didn’t object, only nodded and watched him leave the kitchen, disapparating as soon as he left the house. 

Sirius knocked on the door to Natalie’s hospital room. Normally he would have skipped the politeness and gone right into the room, however he saw how she had been alarmed by his attempt to hug her earlier and didn’t want to do anything to frighten her again. He had seen, now, exactly what she’d gone through the past seven months. The last thing he wanted was to add to her anguish.

He heard a muffled voice through the door and took that as a signal to enter. Natalie was exactly where she’d been when Sirius left a few hours before, it almost looked as if she hadn’t moved a muscle. The sight of her mistreated figure gave him a jolt even though he knew what to expect this time. There was no getting used to seeing her like that. 

She seemed to relax when she saw it was Sirius coming through the door, but it was so faint that he was sure no one else would have caught it. He shut the door behind him but stayed at the foot of her bed. The distance between the two of them was killing him. All he wanted to do was crawl into the bed next to her and hold her, to keep her warm and help her sleep. 

“Did you get any rest?” Sirius asked, his hands were shoved awkwardly in the pockets of his jeans. 

Natalie shook her head slowly. “Not really.” She looked up at him, her eyes were sad as she searched his face for something. “Did you watch them?”

Her memories. Had he ever. Sirius’ eyes shifted to the floor as he nodded his head, small pieces of hair falling into his face. “Yeah, I did.”

“Good,” she responded, and the force behind her voice made him look back at her. Her face was twisted in emotion, her chin twitched as she tried to hold back sudden glassy tears that filled her eyes. “Now you know why I can’t stay here.”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, trying to think of why on earth she’d want to leave when she wasn’t healed yet. “Nat, you’re not well.”

“Sirius, you saw. I escaped days ago,” her voice was hushed as if she was revealing a secret to him. Her hands were clenched weakly around the blanket covering her, shaking slightly. “They’re looking for me, I just know it. You have to get me out of here before they find me and take me back there.”

Her fear was palpable, Sirius had to fight himself to keep from scooping her up in his arms. Instead, he grabbed a chair from the other side of the room and pulled it up so it was next to her bed. He rotated it and sat in it backwards, legs straddling it’s low wooden back, and crossed his arms over the top. “I promise you, no one is going to take you back to that place.”

Natalie let out a rough breath, clearly frustrated that Sirius wasn’t listening to her. “Please-”

“I will stay here with you until you’re well enough to leave,” he cut her off, ignoring the glaring look she was giving him. “No one will get anywhere near this room without me knowing, okay? You just need to stay put and focus on getting better.”

Her jaw was set and she said nothing else. Maybe it was his imagination but he thought he saw her release her grip on the blanket just a bit. Sirius didn’t know how else to comfort her so he just stayed quiet, watching her out of the corners of his eyes. 

After a few minutes he broke the silence by starting to fill her in on anything and everything that happened to the Marauders during the seven months without her. She didn’t say much or even really react to the things he was saying but he knew she was listening. When she laid her head back onto the pillow behind her he knew something about him going on and on was calming her down, perhaps it was his voice or just the comfort of him being next to her. He wasn’t sure, but he continued talking about anything that came to mind for the next few hours, long past the point where even he got sick of hearing himself. 

He paused his monologuing when he saw Natalie’s head drop down to her shoulder, falling asleep in what looked like an extremely uncomfortable position. Sirius didn’t dare move her. He was happy that she was resting, and that despite everything that had happened to her and the obvious lack of trust she had in anyone around her, he was happy she still felt safe enough to fall asleep with him sitting next to her.

Sirius’ head dropped down onto his arms not long after that, letting himself drift off, too.

It was well into the early hours of the morning when Sirius woke, arms and legs stiff and sore from sleeping on the chair. The room was dark and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust, looking over to the bed immediately. Natalie was curled up on her side facing Sirius, her body pushed all the way to the edge of the bed, as close to him as possible without falling to the floor. A small smile made its way to his lips.

He got up and tiptoed into the hallway without making a sound, not wanting to wake her. He walked towards the lift, stretching his limbs the whole way. His stomach growled as he thought about what the visitor’s room might have in the way of food. At the very least there would be tea or coffee, though he was hoping for something more substantial. It had been almost an entire day since he’d eaten last, there had been too much going on to think of food. 

The visitor’s room was empty. He wondered vaguely if he was even supposed to be in the hospital at that hour, figuring that the Healer in charge of Natalie’s care more than likely overlooked his extended stay. He liked the plump witch in the lime green robes, she seemed genuine and caring and like someone he could trust to get Natalie back in good health. Sirius poured himself a cup of coffee that had been steaming in a container on the counter, waiting for someone to drink it. Next to the coffee was a plate that held a few small sandwiches. He took one and scarfed it down with the contents of his cup in record time.

Satisfied for the time being, he made his way back to Natalie’s room. How long would it take before Natalie was sick of him hovering over her? Probably not very long, he thought. Too bad, he wasn’t planning on leaving any time soon. 

For the first time in a long time Sirius was surprisingly cheerful. The thing that had been plaguing him for so long was finally over, Natalie was back and he was so very grateful. She was going to rest and eat and heal and be back to her old self in no time, then everything could go back to normal. He’d be able to see his friends again without constantly thinking of the one person that was missing, would be able to clear the haze he’d been living in and finally be happy again. Sure, they were still fighting a war, but everyone knew Sirius didn’t mind the duels and brawls. If anything he couldn’t wait until the next time he could go out and scuffle with a Death Eater in his usual state of mind, without anything bogging him down or distracting him.

Sirius walked into the hallway when the lift doors opened and stopped cold. Someone was lurking around Natalie’s door, a short, dark haired man in dark robes. The hair on the back of Sirius’ neck raised on end, mind and body on high alert as his hand hovered near the pocket that housed his wand. He didn’t pull it into his hand right away, not wanting to scare the strange man off. 

“You lost, friend?” Sirius asked, his voice low and dangerous. 

The man turned and met Sirius’ gaze. He was young and had his black hair slicked back and plastered to his head. His skin was very pale, as if he hadn’t seen the sun for months. In his hand was a bit of paper that looked like it was torn from the corner of a larger page, a few small scribbles could be seen in the middle. His voice was nasally when he spoke. “Just here to visit a friend.” He spread a fake smile across his face, attempting to come off as friendly but only succeeding in making Sirius feel unnerved. 

“Bit early for that, isn’t it?” Sirius was watching the man’s every movement. 

“Is it?” the man asked, pretending to check the watch on his left wrist.

Sirius was beyond the point of suspicion now. He knew why this man was here. Natalie had been right. “What’s the room number, I can point you in the right direction.”

The man looked at him a little too long before the disturbing smile grew wider. He tucked the paper into his robes. “You know, I think I’m on the wrong floor, actually.” He started to walk towards the doors behind Sirius. 

“Is that right?” Sirius growled, his eyes following the man down the hallway. 

As the doors to the lift slid open, the man nodded once in Sirius’ direction. “Have a pleasant day.” 

Sirius watched as the man walked into the lift and heard the doors clatter shut, leaving him alone in the hallway. As soon as he was sure the man was gone, he turned on his heel and ran down the hallway, his heart beating fast as he rushed into Natalie’s room. He didn’t turn on the light in the room but took his wand out and muttered under his breath, lighting the tip so he could see. 

“Nat,” he whispered, shaking her shoulder gently as he came up next to the bed. “Natalie, wake up.”

She stirred, one eye opening halfway to see who was waking her up. She shot up when she saw Sirius so close, her face a mask of confusion as she noticed the dark room and his worried expression. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“You were right,” he said quietly, his words rushing out of his mouth. “We need to get you out of here.”

Her eyes widened. “You saw someone?”

“Yeah. They’re gone for now but it's not safe here, we have to go before they come back.”

She nodded in agreement and Sirius could practically see her push her fear to the back of her mind. Natalie swung her feet off the side of the bed and pushed herself up to stand. She wobbled unsteadily and tried to take a step but couldn’t keep her footing, falling forward. 

He caught her, his hands under her arms. “You can’t walk,” he observed to himself out loud. He looked at her, trying to convey his feelings through his gaze. “I’ll help you, but I have to put my arm around you.”

Natalie recognized him asking permission to touch her and after a second’s hesitation she stood up straight, using Sirius’ shoulder to brace herself. He took her lead and wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her close to him so he would be able to move both of them easily. 

“Come on,” he said, starting to walk towards the door. She shuffled next to him, still gripping his shoulder for support. “The Healers won’t like that you’re taking off so soon, we’re gonna have to sneak out.”

Avoiding being seen was easier than Sirius expected, perhaps because it was so early in the morning and people were still sleeping, with no visitors roaming the halls yet. They had a few close calls where he had to pull them both into a doorway or an empty room so they didn’t run directly into a Healer, but most of their path was clear. It only took them a few minutes to reach the window separating the hospital from the city, both sets of their eyes darting around apprehensively. Sirius stepped out onto the sidewalk, lifting Natalie slightly so she didn’t have to jump the gap between the window and the walkway. Holding her still, he wasted no time and turned abruptly, rocketing the two of them away from the hospital without a second thought.


	31. Chapter 31

Natalie looked around as the sensation of relentless spinning stopped, holding onto Sirius for support. She was incredibly weak still, despite the Healers patching up most of her injuries. She drank Skele-Gro when she first got to St. Mungo’s yesterday and all her bones had painfully repaired overnight but the cuts and bruises and her muscles that were no longer used to such movement were screaming in protest. Her leg was still stiff and sore, not allowing her to put much weight on it and causing her to limp, her previously dislocated shoulder was tight and inflexible, her poor concussed and no longer cracked open head was pounding. 

Sirius helped her sit down on a beat up looking brown sofa. It was much more comfortable than it looked. She was in a very small room, just enough space to cram a few pieces of furniture against the yellow painted walls. 

“Is this your apartment?” Natalie asked, recalling Sirius telling her the night before about how he no longer lived in the house used for the Order’s headquarters. She had fallen asleep not long after that and her memory of the things he’d said were foggy. 

“Yeah,” Sirius said, glancing around the room. “It's not much, and the plumbing is awful. But I kind of like it.”

He fell silent. It was different, the two of them together, than it had been before Natalie had been captured. There had rarely been uncomfortable silences before and there had been many in the few hours since she’d been back. She could tell he was holding himself back, from asking her questions, from talking about what happened to her, from touching her. 

She hadn’t meant to shy away from him when he first came into the hospital room the previous day. She acted on impulse, her subconscious not wanting anyone near her after what she’d gone through. Natalie saw the look on Sirius’ face when she recoiled and it ripped her heart into little jagged pieces. But it was hard to fight her instincts, especially when she couldn’t seem to get herself to think straight for more than a few minutes. Her mind kept shifting back to the dark stone room. She could swear she felt the sharp, hot pain of a knife slicing her skin open-

“Nat?”

She looked up, the apartment suddenly coming back into view, the grimy windowless room fading into the back of her mind. Her face gave her emotions away, eyes wide and forehead wrinkled.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked, worry etched across his face. She noticed his dark beard, not for the first time since being back. It made him even more rugged and attractive, if that was possible. 

Natalie avoided his question, not wanting to lie but not wanting to talk about the total mess that was her brain. “Do you think I could-,” she made an ‘uh’ sound, fumbling over her words. Why was talking to him so hard? She’d never had trouble with this before. “I’m filthy. The Healers tried to clean me up but they didn’t do a very thorough job.”

Sirius nodded in understanding. “I’ll run the water. A hot bath might help relax your leg, anyway.”

He got up and went to what Natalie assumed was the bathroom, through the door that was closest to the entrance to the apartment. She heard a rush of water behind the half open door. The apartment around her looked full as she glanced around, but she quickly noticed there were no personal items lying around like one might find in any other person’s home. There was a small set of shelves that had a few books tucked inside along with a trinket or two, but she saw no photographs, no posters or drawings or artwork, no pillows or blankets to make the sofa more welcoming. She wondered if Sirius really spent much time here. It made her sad, somehow, to see her plain surroundings and couldn’t help but imagine Sirius alone here day after day. 

“Let me help you up.” Sirius was in front of her and she hadn’t even noticed. She cursed herself silently. Getting so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice what was happening around her - that was not normal. But, she supposed nothing about her was ‘normal’ anymore. Letting herself slip into a daze was a form of protection when she was being held in the basement of Malfoy Manor, though she was still doing it now that she was no longer in immediate danger. 

Sirius held his hands out in front of himself, waiting for Natalie to take them. His hands were strong under hers, easily helping lift her off the sofa. He moved his arm around her waist so she could walk with him and she tensed, her body objecting to being touched even though her mind was trying to relax. He wasn’t going to hurt her, didn’t her body understand that? She knew he felt her muscles tighten but he didn’t say anything. 

As they crossed the room, Natalie spoke softly. “My shoulder is still really sore, I might need help getting…” She trailed off, her mouth having a hard time forming the word ‘undressed.’ Self-consciousness had never been anything she’d ever had to worry about in the past, and she was becoming annoyed with herself. 

The bathroom was minuscule, just enough room for both of them to stand side by side in between the white sink and old tub. It was filled with steaming water and she noticed an unopened bar of soap sitting on the edge - the kind she used to like, that she used to travel across London to an adorable little shop run by the sweetest old muggle woman to buy. Her chest tightened. Natalie had been so hyper-focused on just surviving the past seven months that she never fully realized how much she missed Sirius.

“Here,” he said, softly, He stood facing her and grabbed the hem of the white cotton shirt the Healer’s had put her in, pulling it up over her stomach. Natalie easily got her good arm out of the shirt and covered her chest with it. The Healers must have thought her undergarments were too disgusting to clean up and give back to her to wear, leaving nothing between herself and the shirt. Sirius carefully stretched the fabric over her head, moving slowly so nothing would cause her pain. Her other hand was clutching his forearm for balance as he slid the shirt gently over her sore shoulder. 

Sirius let the shirt fall softly to the floor. Natalie’s cheeks were flushed pink and she suddenly found herself unable to look him in the eyes. She hadn’t seen a reflection of herself yet so she could hardly imagine how horrible she looked. From the parts of her body she could see, she knew she looked almost malnourished. Her bones jutted out from under her pale skin, not having eaten regularly or seen the light of day for so long. There were cuts and bruises and scars littered across her arms and torso from her daily assault at the hands of her torturer. Natalie was embarrassed to be seen in such a state, though some small voice at the back of her mind told her she was stupid to think that. This was Sirius, after all. 

When she finally did look up at him, she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Maybe she had been away from him so long that she couldn’t read him anymore, or maybe there were too many thoughts and emotions he was feeling that none of them were any stronger than the other. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly and his eyes moved along her body steadily. He reached out a hand and stopped himself just before he touched her, waiting for Natalie to stop him. She didn’t move, and he touched his fingers to her ribs so softly, just barely brushing across a long, uneven scar that went from her rib cage down to her hip. His other hand held her firm above her elbow, keeping her standing upright. 

She almost couldn’t remember what it was like to be touched by him. His fingertips practically sent electric currents rippling through her skin, making the hair on her arms stand on end. Her breathing had quickened as she watched him move his hand from scar to scar, cut to cut, bruise to bruise, taking inventory of even the tiniest of wounds. 

Natalie felt like her heart was going to jump right out of her chest and land on the tiled floor below. “I think I can manage the rest,” she muttered, eyes downcast again. It was too much, Sirius being this close and touching her the way he was. 

He dropped his hand, mixed emotions flitting across his face. He tried to hide them, giving her a small smile, and said, “Let me know if you need anything. There’s a towel hanging on the back of the door.”

Sirius backed up, not releasing his hold on her arm until he was sure she could balance on her own, then closed the door behind him as he left the bathroom. Natalie exhaled, not noticing she had been holding her breath.

She lied, of course. She could barely manage getting the blue and white striped pajama pants off without tripping and falling head first into the sink across from the tub. Getting into the bath was a struggle, but she eventually sunk into the hot water and let her body loosen up. 

She hadn’t bathed once while locked up in the stone room. She hadn’t done anything while locked up, actually, as the Death Eaters had never once let her out of that room, never removed the shackles that bound her. Her muscles had deteriorated significantly from laying motionless in her corner as the weeks turned into months. Even laying in the bathtub felt almost uncomfortable. She was now free to maneuver however she wanted, a luxury she was no longer used to.

Natalie had been overwhelmed by everything once she regained consciousness in the stark white hospital room. The lights were all too bright, the smells were too harsh, the noises too loud, the bed far too soft and the blankets much too warm. It was sensory overload; she was used to dark and cold and deafening silence, and suddenly finding herself back in the real world was making her feel dizzy. Everything was different. But, nothing was different, not really. She was different, everything else had just continued on without her. She didn’t know what she expected life to be like once she escaped. Truthfully, she never really thought about that, the only consistent thought she ever had was that she needed to get out of that basement and back to her life. 

But what was her life, anymore? She didn’t belong anywhere, she had no home and no family waiting for her. Sirius had moved out on his own, started his own life. James and Lily had apparently gotten married. Remus still lived in the headquarter house but she was sure even he and Peter were different. Nothing felt right, everything was just slightly off and not quite the same and it confused Natalie and made her head hurt. 

She slid further into the bath, taking a deep breath before her face slipped under the water. Maybe she should have never left, never escaped. The torture was awful but towards the end she had been getting used to it, not feeling the pain as much as she always had, her body somehow becoming numb to the abuse. Perhaps that was a bad thing, she didn’t know for certain. What she did know was that her life in the basement room had been predictable. She knew what would happen to her at any given time, there were hardly any surprises.

Physical pain had been the only thing she’d felt for so long. Now, being back in her old life even for such a short amount of time, her emotions were running rampant and she didn’t know how to handle this kind of pain anymore, the mental and emotional kind. It was like she had woken up after a long slumber and the world around her was overpowering and scary and deep in the recesses of her mind she thought she maybe missed the strange comfort of the stone room. 

She sat up, breathing hard , water sloshing over the sides of the tub. Natalie wanted to slap herself. How could she miss that place? That room was torture and suffering and total agony. And even though she was a stranger to this tiny apartment, as long as Sirius was with her she would feel loved and cared for. Love and caring was better than torture and suffering. Why did she have to convince herself of that? Had the constant torment driven her completely insane?

Natalie took the bar of soap and concentrated on scrubbing her skin free of the filth that had settled in her pores. She cleaned every inch of herself, from her grimy hair to the dirt caked under her toe nails. The water in the tub was a foul brown color as she removed herself, her pained hands gripping the sink for stability as she pulled her useless leg under her. She reached for the towel hanging from the door and dried herself quickly, not wanting to make a mess of Sirius’ bathroom.

She peeked her head out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body and damp hair stuck to her shoulders. It was too long, almost touching her behind. She’d have to find someone to cut it. Sirius looked up at her when he heard the door open. Before Natalie could say anything, he stood and said, “I brought your clothes with me when I moved out of the Order’s house. Hang on.”

He disappeared from her view and reappeared a moment later with a handful of folded items. Thanking him, she took the clothes back into the bathroom with her. She stumbled over herself while trying to pull on underclothes and a pair of soft gray pants, her leg still not cooperating with her even after the steaming bath. Thankfully her shoulder had loosened up a bit and she was able to pull a blue hooded jumper over her head, the material thin and loose-fitting. 

Natalie didn’t know how long she had been in the bathroom but she expected it was a while. The sun was coming in from the windows differently than it had been before, afternoon light brightening the apartment. She braced herself against the door frame and limped out of the bathroom. Sirius rushed over, no longer asking or waiting for her approval to help her walk. 

“You must be starving,” he said. “I’ll make you something.”

The kitchen was as small as the other rooms in the apartment. A door-less opening separated it from the main room, the tan carpet stopping abruptly to meet yellow and white plastic-feeling tile. There was just enough space to shove a small table and two chairs up to the empty wall that faced the street outside. She sat in one of the chairs with Sirius’ help. 

“You cook now?” she asked, amazed at herself that she could muster a joking tone.

He looked over his shoulder as he crouched in front of the refrigerator, raising an eyebrow. “Is that doubt I hear?” He grabbed a package from inside a compartment and stood back up. “You’d be surprised at how domestic I can be.”

A small smile ghosted Natalie’s lips as she watched him make his way through the kitchen. “What’s on the menu, then? Shepherd’s pie? A roast chicken, perhaps?”

Sirius laughed, a sharp barking sound that made Natalie’s stomach flip. She’d missed that sound. “Not that much has changed. I hope you still like an old fashioned cheese sandwich. That’s about all I’m good for.”

His back was turned away from her, so she could watch him without a sheepish feeling. Despite the change Natalie felt in just about everything after being gone so long, Sirius still felt familiar and comforting. Just as it had the night before, simply being in his presence calmed her. If she focused on him, nothing else seemed to cast a shadow across her mind. 

Sirius turned away from the oven, he crossed the kitchen and put two plates down onto the small, square table. He dug into his sandwich immediately, and Natalie tore off a corner of hers, savoring the taste of warm, toasted bread and melty cheese. She forgot how good real food was - the Death Eaters only gave her a spare scraps of food every few days and it was always cold and mushy and not at all desirable. 

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Sirius asked softly, prying her away from thoughts of the basement room once again. 

She didn’t tell him that this simple cheese sandwich was by far the most delectable thing she’d eaten in seven months. He wouldn’t take it as a compliment even if that’s how Natalie meant it. He would be upset at the reminder of how horribly the Death Eaters had treated her. Instead, she asked, “Do you mind if I stay here for a few days? I’m not sure I want to be stuck at headquarters right now.”

He gave her a look that could have said ‘are you joking?’ “Of course you’ll stay here,” he said after he finished chewing.

Natalie swallowed. “Okay,” she responded. “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t intruding.”

Sirius put down his sandwich and looked at her directly. “If none of this had happened, if everything had stayed normal...If I moved out back then, wouldn’t you have come with me?”

She made herself meet his gaze. “Of course I would have,” she answered. “But things aren’t normal, all that stuff did happen.” Natalie could see how her tone was affecting him, like he couldn’t believe she would ever think she wouldn’t be welcome in his home. 

“That doesn’t change anything for me,” he said, his voice was firm and final. He was shaking his head. “Not with us.”

She hadn’t realized how much she questioned the state of their relationship until Sirius said that. It had been so long, after all. Who would hold onto someone that could have been dead for that long? Natalie wouldn’t have blamed Sirius for moving on, for forgetting her and finding someone who didn’t leave him for a year without a second thought, for choosing to be with someone who didn’t bring as much trouble into his life. But she was so happy he hadn’t. What would she have done if she didn’t have him to rely on?

He must have taken her silence as agreement, because he didn’t push the matter. They ate quietly, stealing glances at each other across the table. He finished his sandwich and looked at Natalie’s plate. She had stopped picking at her food, no longer hungry but leaving about three quarters of her sandwich untouched. 

“You’re done?” he asked. He spoke to her gently and Natalie wondered if he thought she would break down if he said the wrong thing. 

She nodded. “It was good, I’m just…” Natalie paused and looked down at her hands. They were clenched together in her lap awkwardly. She couldn’t seem to figure out what to do with them now that she wasn’t in cuffs and had the ability to do what she liked with them. She continued, her voice soft and quiet, “I’m not used to eating that much.”

Sirius tensed his jaw and his eyes slipped from where he was looking at her, but Natalie didn’t see his reaction as she was still staring into her lap. She felt him get up from the table and walk to the other side of the kitchen. Peeking up through her lashes, she saw he had taken the plates away and now stood in front of the sink, hands gripping the counter underneath him on either side. She hated herself for talking about it, for making him think about the things that happened to her. But how could she not talk about it at times? It was unavoidable and no matter how hard she tried not to think about it or speak about it, it was bound to happen eventually. But she couldn’t have a conversation with him about everything, not yet. She needed time to wrap her head around it. 

It was late afternoon and Natalie felt her head start to throb from the headache pounding around her skull. “I’m a bit tired,” she mumbled. “I know it's early but I should probably sleep if I ever want to feel better.”

Sirius turned around, nodding, and she saw he was back to gentle and caring Sirius, having wiped away any trace of angry and vengeful Sirius. He moved back towards her, helping her out of the chair. “Come on, you can have the bedroom. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“No,” she objected, not wanting to put him out or inconvenience him in any way. “It’s fine, really, you don’t have to-”

He turned his head to look at her, only a few inches separating them as they slowly walked, or limped, in Natalie’s case, towards the bedroom. “I will sleep on the sofa, you take the bedroom. No arguing.” His voice was tender despite the decisive words.

Natalie sighed in response, not saying anything more. 

Sirius had been sleeping for a few hours. He was exhausted, having been up since the early hours of the morning then taking care of Natalie all day. Of course, he would take care of her for the rest of his life if that meant that she would be there with him instead of holed up in some grimy basement being tortured for months on end. 

Natalie shut herself in his room late into the afternoon and Sirius hadn’t fallen asleep until the sun dipped below the horizon, casting the main room into shadows and darkness. He laid on the sofa for hours before he dozed off, staring at the ceiling and letting his mind run wild with all the things that had happened. It was almost hard to believe she was back, that she was here with him in his shitty apartment, that he had physically touched her and been with her the whole day. 

He was dreaming but not pleasantly, images of Malfoy Manor and Natalie chained to the floor flashed behind his eyes. The things he saw in her memories were things he didn’t think he’d ever be able to push from his mind. They were awful, terrible things to have to see, and part of him wished desperately that he hadn’t seen them. Though, another side of him was glad he did see. Now that he knew some of the things that bastard Death Eater did to her, he wouldn’t have to ask her about anything. It could be an unspoken thing between them, he knew what happened to her and she knew that he knew. They didn’t have to talk about it, he didn’t have to hear the details straight from her mouth. 

A noise in the kitchen woke Sirius from his troubled sleep. His eyes snapped open and turned towards the doorway, not seeing anything suspicious in the dark room. His wand was on the small table in front of the sofa and he grabbed it, raising himself up and walking soundlessly towards the other room. Only a few people knew about this apartment and his friends would have never told anyone else, especially not a Death Eater. His muscles were tensed, ready to spring at any second. 

He moved quickly into the kitchen, wand held in front of him. Sirius didn’t see anything at first, at least not anything he may have been expecting. No one was standing in the kitchen, no Death Eaters ready to duel or attempting to attack him. After a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the unlit kitchen, he saw a figure huddled in the corner of the room. 

“Natalie?” he asked, dropping his hand down and moving towards her.

She was crying, he could see her shoulders shaking from the sobs she was trying to stifle and keep quiet. Her hands were on her head, gripping fistfuls of light blonde hair, knees pulled up to her chest. He couldn’t help but notice once again how small she was. 

Sirius dropped to his knees next to her. “What's wrong? What happened?” He was hushed but worried. Was she hurt? Had someone been in the apartment without him waking up?

It took her a moment to compose herself enough to speak. “Every time I close my eyes I see him,” she whispered, her voice tight and wavering from raw emotion. 

Sirius’ stomach dropped. There was no mistaking who ‘him’ was. Natalie was shuddering from the force of her weeping and Sirius forced any thoughts of the Death Eater that did this to her from his mind. She needed him and he had to focus on her, had to try to comfort her and calm her down. 

Rotating so that he was sitting, his back against the white cabinets that lined two of the kitchen walls, Sirius put his arms around Natalie and pulled her closer to him. He held her in his lap, one arm around her waist and the other supporting her shoulders, his fingers curling into her hair as his hand cradled the back of her head. Her legs folded up on his right side and he felt her hug him, gripping him as tightly as her fragile frame could. She cried into his shoulder and he held her tightly, wishing he could take her pain away just by willing it. 

They stayed like that for hours, on the floor of the kitchen, listening to each other breathing and holding each other close. Natalie fell asleep first, drifting off as she laid curled up against Sirius’ chest. He didn’t move and he told himself that he’d hold her as she slept on the floor every night if he had to, if that was the only way she could rest. He didn’t care. She was in his arms now, after what felt like a lifetime apart, and nothing else mattered.


	32. Chapter 32

Two weeks had passed since Natalie first arrived at Sirius’ apartment. The first few days were rough; the only time she managed to get any sleep was when she laid on the hard kitchen floor, she still flinched anytime Sirius tried to hug or touch her, and she’d started having nightmares. She was recovering physically, her cuts were turning to scabs and scars and her bruises had faded almost completely. Her leg was much better and she could walk on it almost normally, still with a bit of a limp but hardly noticeable anymore. She was getting headaches less often and her hands were regaining some strength. 

Mentally, however, she was exhausted. The nights that she could fall asleep, when Sirius held her for hours upon hours on the kitchen floor, she had horribly realistic nightmares. Natalie would wake up in a cold sweat most nights and Sirius said there had been a few times when she would scream for several minutes until she woke. He said he’d cast a Muffliato Charm when that happened so that the muggle neighbors didn’t start asking questions. 

With how dead tired she was, it was a miracle she was able to stay awake at all during the day. Dark circles ringed her eyes to the point that she constantly looked like she may have recently been in a fist fight. She had taken up drinking coffee during the day, and lots of it, in efforts to stay awake until she literally could not keep her eyes open any longer. The times when she would pass out from crippling fatigue were when she got the most rest, her mind finally allowing her precious hours of uninterrupted sleep. 

Sirius had been incredible, something Natalie was not taking for granted. From helping her get around the apartment the first few days when her body was still recuperating, to sleeping on the kitchen floor with her on countless nights, to trying to keep her calm after waking up frantic after nightmares, he had been the one constant thing in her life since escaping Malfoy Manor. She wondered vaguely one night if she were becoming codependent on him, after waking from a particularly fitful sleep and not seeing him in the bedroom right away. She panicked, thinking irrationally that something had happened to him, that he’d gotten annoyed with her and left, until he came through the bedroom door a few seconds later. She clung to him tightly, afraid to let him go. 

She dreamed of the basement room, of Gideon Rowe and the way he tortured her, of all the different ways he hurt her. Though, in her nightmares she never got away. She never outsmarted him or overpowered him or escaped. In her nightmares he succeeded in making her swallow the Veritaserum, was able to see all her memories and thoughts through Legilimency, finally got her to talk and spill all she knew about the Order. It was horrific having to relive her trauma almost every night, but it was even worse when she watched herself give up and give in. 

Natalie was slowly getting better - she thought it was important that she kept reminding herself of that fact, but she was frustrated at just how slowly. At times, she thought she felt trapped in her own body, as the skin and muscles that housed her drew back from Sirius’ touch but her mind screamed that she wanted it, craved it. She wanted so badly to hug him, kiss him, let him comfort her every second of the day. The only time her body allowed it to happen was when she was highly agitated, like after her nightmares and when she couldn’t sleep. 

Sirius was helping her without complaint, cooking and cleaning up the apartment and giving her space even though she knew it was killing him not to be able to act like a real boyfriend to her. Her friends were helpful, as well. They had all come over to visit several times over the past two weeks. Each time they would sit and talk to her but she noticed they all waited for her to lead the conversation, all of them obviously not sure what topics were right or wrong to approach. 

She wished so badly she could just snap out of whatever the hell was holding her back from just going back to normal. Natalie didn’t understand why she was always so nervous, why she wouldn’t let anyone touch her, why her mind kept pushing her into hazy daydreams in the middle of conversations with no warning. She was frustrated and annoyed and angry at herself. Her life felt like it was completely out of her control, almost like she was watching from one side of a window, where her screaming fell on deaf ears and she couldn’t get through to the girl who looked like her on the other side. 

That day, Natalie and Sirius had walked the few minutes from his apartment out to an open, grassy area where people could stroll along the river that ran through the town. It was a rather dreary day, the temperature was cool despite summer having just started. It would rain soon, Natalie could smell it in the air. With the sky the dark gray color that it was off in the distance she guessed it would be a particularly nasty storm. She walked along the edge of the river, her hands stuffed deep into the pockets of the light jacket she wore. There were a few more pounds on her body now, thanks to Sirius constantly cooking for her and insisting she eat until she couldn’t possibly fit anything else into her stomach, but she was still severely underweight which made her much colder than a normal person. 

She felt hands on her shoulders and started, turning around to see who had grabbed her. Sirius was beside her, dropping his hands back to his sides. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” he said as Natalie saw a hurt expression flit over his face briefly. She could have hit herself for flinching away from him. “You were about to walk right into the river, didn’t you hear me talking to you?”

Natalie looked in front of her, seeing the toes of her ratty canvas shoes dipping beneath the surface of the water. She backed up. “No,” she answered. “Sorry. Lost in my own head, that’s all.”

Sirius nodded. Spacing out has become commonplace for her recently, he wasn’t surprised by it anymore. “It’ll get easier as time goes on, I’m sure. Staying alert,” he clarified. 

Natalie came up to a wooden bench and sat, keeping her hands bunched up in her pockets. She never knew what to do with her hands anymore. “I hate this,” she said quietly. She had been forcing herself more and more to open herself up and let Sirius in, to share with him her more personal thoughts and fears and concerns. He appreciated it, she could tell, and it made her feel better in a way, too. Less weighed down by all her anxieties, perhaps.

He sat next to her, plenty of space separating their bodies. “It won’t be like this forever,” he assured her. Sirius had more confidence in the matter than she could muster. “You’ll get back into the swing of things eventually.”

The river in front of them moved steadily, lapping up to the edge of pounded-smooth stones that separated water from grass. The sound was soothing, she thought, like white noise. “What if I don’t?” she asked, staring straight ahead.

“You will,” Sirius answered automatically, not giving it a second thought.

“How do you know that?” Natalie turned towards him. Her hands were in her lap now, fingers tangled together. “What if I’m like this forever? Nervous and scared and hardly able to sleep or eat or - or sit next to you on a fucking bench like a normal girlfriend?”

He looked at her like she was ridiculous. “No one expects you to get over everything this quickly, Nat. Stop worrying so much, we’ll get there.”

She shook her head, her previous melancholy state overtaken by strong emotion. “You don’t deserve this. It’s too much, having to take care of me like you are. You should dump me off somewhere and go be with someone better. I wouldn't blame you. There’s bound to be a girl out there that can make her own porridge and actually prefers a mattress over tiled floor.”

Sirius watched her with vague amusement. The curled tips of his hair blew around in the breeze. “I appreciate your concern, but I’ll decide what I deserve if that’s alright with you.” 

Natalie said nothing in return, not finding humor in the situation. Of course she didn’t want Sirius to leave her and go find someone else. A voice deep in the recesses of her mind was screaming at her for even saying those words out loud, for thinking them at all. But she couldn’t help but feel so very guilty every time he did something for her that she should easily be able to do for herself. She was holding him back, she was sure of it. What had he sacrificed by staying in that apartment with her for two weeks straight? Time with their friends, for one, and working for the Order. He had been the one so impassioned about fighting this war, had always been the one so excited at the prospect of action and confrontation. And here she was, taking that brilliant soldier and practically turning him into a housewife. 

“Hey,” Sirius said, pulling her attention back to him. He tipped his head down to try and catch her eye, looking very sincere indeed. “I’m not going anywhere, understand? I’m with you all the way, no matter what happens...or where you decide to sleep. Besides, mattresses are overrated.”

Cold water dropped on her hand and made Natalie tear her gaze away from Sirius, looking up towards the sky. The dark clouds had been moving swiftly as they sat and talked, now directly overhead. There was a loud clap of thunder, accompanied by a bright bolt of lightning a few seconds later, illuminating their surroundings. The two of them got up from the bench and made their way back towards the apartment, walking quickly without starting to run. They were only a few shops away from the bakery when the clouds seemed to open up and release a downpour of rain, the force of the shower causing a fine mist to hover just above the street and walkways. 

Sirius and Natalie were soaked when they made it into the narrow hallway and climbed the steep staircase that led to the apartment. He took a few steps forward, reaching for the wand that sat securely in the pocket of his dark jeans. “I think I remember how to do this…”

“Sirius.” Natalie’s voice was quiet and Sirius hadn’t noticed she was still standing by the front door, preoccupied with waving his wand, attempting to cast a charm to dry his clothes. Something had clicked with her during their rush to get home from the river. 

There was a comfort zone that she’d been living in since escaping the Death Eaters, a sort of invisible set of boundaries her subconscious must have set for her, to protect her. It kept her locked inside herself, past experiences setting the stage and making it so she felt afraid of the world around her. Perhaps if she had been a more weak-minded person she wouldn’t have had a problem being so reserved. But if there was a small part of her that felt secure in her new state of mind, there was a much larger part that wanted to fight back, to kick herself out of that blasted comfort zone and back into reality. She just needed a little assistance, someone to reassure her and keep her courageous. 

“Yeah?” he asked, distractedly. His shirt was steaming slightly, his wand blowing hot air into his face as he pointed it at himself. 

She was pushing herself, perhaps a little too far just a little too soon, but pushing nonetheless. Her mind was whirring though she tried to silence it, tried not to overthink this. “I need your help.”

“I know, I’m almost finished. You know, we really need to get you another wand soon.”

His obliviousness wasn’t helping her at all and she wished he would just turn around. When had she become so bashful? “No,” she forced herself to keep talking. There were only a few steps separating them and Natalie crossed them softly. “Not with that.”

He turned around and stopped, dropping the hand that held his wand to his side. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

Natalie swallowed. Her pulse was growing strong and she took deep breaths to try and calm herself. Was she really nervous to reach out to him? She felt stupid. Her brain compelled her arm to move. Move. Move. And she did, feeling like she was watching someone else’s hand stretch out and touch Sirius’ chest, right over his heart. 

Sirius looked down at her hand. His clothes were dry but his hair was still damp, only catching a few jets of warm air from his wand. Little stray pieces clung to his cheeks and forehead. He’d trimmed his beard down a bit recently but didn’t shave it off completely; she could see tiny little droplets clinging to the rough stubble that covered his jaw. “Natalie,” he said, saying her name like a warning. 

“Please,” she nearly whispered. “I need this. I need you.” Both hands were touching him now, pale and thin. Her body was instinctively trying to pull away from him but her mind wouldn’t allow it, causing her arms to shake slightly. 

She wanted to be close to him, to hold him and be held like they used to. It didn’t matter how her body felt about it, her mind was stronger and she wanted it, everyone and everything else be damned. If anything was going to help Natalie conquer herself it would be this, it would be him.

He was watching her intently, his gaze unwavering, taking in her every movement. Slowly, he brought his hands up to her arms, feeling her shake where he placed his fingers just above her elbows. His eyes were darker than before but she knew he was holding himself back, afraid to scare or hurt her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded her head lightly, without hesitation, not letting herself think too hard. Sirius didn’t move for a long moment and Natalie swore she could see the thoughts running through his mind, warring with each other. 

“You’ll tell me if it’s too much? If you change your mind?” His voice was low as he spoke, worry mingling with what she thought was desire. 

Natalie nodded again. He accepted her silent assurance without any more questions. She felt his hands, strong and somewhat calloused, move from her arms. They made their way up towards her shoulders, leaving tingling skin in their wake. He was taking the lead and she was incredibly thankful. She wanted this, though she wasn’t sure that she would have been able to take much more of the initiative after presenting the idea. That was still a bit too enormous a task to take on. 

Sirius held her head in his hands, his thumbs tracing the line of her jaw with whisper soft touches. There was only a small space between them as he dipped his head down towards her’s, closing the gap completely when their lips touched. Natalie hadn’t been kissed in what felt like forever. She almost forgot what it felt like, how soft his lips were and how his hair tickled her face. He tilted his head as she parted her lips, their kisses becoming deeper and more desperate as the seconds ticked forward. Her hands were on his chest still but his shirt was clutched between her fingers now. All she could hear was her blood rushing in her ears as Sirius’ heated kisses stirred something inside her.

She felt him move against her, pushing her lightly so that she shuffled backwards. He didn’t separate from her even as his hands moved to her waist, holding her against him tightly. Natalie’s arms circled around his neck, letting him lead her out of the main room and back into his bedroom. The bedroom was dark as was the world outside. She was barely aware of the storm and the rain hammering against the windows of the tiny apartment. 

The backs of her knees hit the mattress and she lowered herself onto it, falling back against plush pillows as Sirius climbed onto the bed with her. He was laying on her, not letting his full weight crush her as their kissing continued. Natalie thought maybe she’d feel intimidated with him on top of her, but that wasn’t the case. She felt secure and protected with him holding her, keeping her warm with his body heat and his careful touches. He had one hand on the back of her neck, his elbow keeping him propped up as his other hand moved across her skin, sending shivers down her spine. He followed the slight arc of her collar bone with the tips of his fingers, pressed his palm against the small of her back, tangled his hands into her long hair. He moved away from her and bent his head lower, lips leaving soft, damp kisses along her neck and shoulders. 

Sirius pulled back after a moment, sitting up on his knees so he could tug his shirt off, throwing it behind him and not caring where it landed. He watched Natalie’s every movement, eyes full of longing, as she lifted her hands to touch his bare skin. She let her fingers glide across his stomach and chest, feeling the hard muscles and seeing goosebumps raise up on his arms. Her hands moved lower and she grazed one finger along the skin just above the hem of his jeans, listening intently as she heard him inhale sharper than he normally would. Natalie’s thin fingers fumbled with the button on his pants, still trembling a bit. Sirius shook the jeans off when she finally got them unfastened, leaving him in just a pair of red boxer-briefs.

Taking her hand, Sirius pulled her forward to sit so he could peel her wet shirt off her body. A small part of her wanted to cover herself, to cross her arms across her chest and shy away from him. She wouldn’t do it, wouldn’t let herself succumb to her insecurities and fears. Pushing the thoughts away, she reached down and unbuttoned her jeans, leaning back once more and lifting her hips to let Sirius take them off. Her body was suddenly cold from where the dampened clothes clung to her and she couldn’t help but shudder. Sirius noticed immediately and reached for the thick patterned quilt that hung off the side of the bed, pulling it over both of them as he laid next to her. They embraced again, only for a moment, before he rolled over so that she was looking down at him, her hair falling forward in a curtain around their faces. 

There was no need for her to prop herself up, she was so thin now that there was no way she could crush him just by resting herself on top of him. Natalie leaned down and kissed him, her legs moving to straddle either side of his hips. Her hands held his face, feeling the scratchy stubble under her palms. She felt his hands on her back, felt him easily unhook her bra and slide the straps over her shoulders. He rested his hands over her ribs and let his thumb graze the side of her breast, forcing a small gasp out of her throat. She could feel him smile. 

Sirius flipped her over again, gently laying her down under him with an arm across her back, holding her naked chest against his. He leaned over and kissed her neck again, then her chest, her stomach. Each kiss he trailed across her body sent a jolt through every part of her, making her heart beat loud and fast. His hands were on her hips, fingers dragging her underwear down over the curve of her backside. Natalie heard rustling as he flung his boxers onto the floor and watched as he moved towards her. 

He wrapped the big blanket around them both as he settled, looking down at her and brushing stray pieces of hair away from her face. “I love you,” he breathed. 

Natalie’s heart flipped in her chest. Surely there weren’t enough words in the english language to describe how much she loved him? She could try, could attempt to say something meaningful or profound...but decided it wasn’t necessary. What they were doing, the trust they had in each other to open themselves up so completely and let their walls down, was more than enough to show each other how intensely they adored each other. So, she whispered back, simply, “I love you, too.”

And they lost themselves in one another, in the throws of passion and ecstasy, in their love and tenderness. Natalie was so completely concentrated on Sirius and the breathtaking feelings he was giving her that for the first time in the few weeks that she’d been back, her mind was quiet. When they finished, with their bodies sweating and breathing labored, she curled up next to him and fell asleep. She stayed there the whole night, not once getting up to sleep on the kitchen floor or having been jolted awake from a nightmare. Natalie would wake up the next morning feeling happy, still wrapped in Sirius’ arms. Maybe, just maybe, things were starting to look up.


End file.
